Not eleven weeks pregnant. But, in approximately eleven weeks my wife and I will start our journey to TTC #2. I can't believe it. Of course, as some of you may know that's contingent upon me getting a new job in the next few weeks. If I do, we will hold off on TTC until Feb-March. Either way as of now, eleven is the magic number. The cut off for job stuff is September, if I don't have a new job by then we are going to move forward with expanding our family.
According to my period app I'm supposed to start my cycle in 2 days. The crazy thing is...actually seeing the eleven highlights the fact that after this cycle we will only be doing this "mock" tracking thingy for August! Because we insem the last week in September beginning of October! Holy Shyt! I didn't realize that until I just typed it out.
Now for the Real..........
I laugh because so many people don't think I'm gonna go thru with it. Even my own mom. I guess they look at me and our marriage dynamic and assume just because I'm the "not-so-femme" half...I won't be the one carrying any babies. I wonder will it be weird? Just in general. I would really like to connect with other not-so-femme family who have actually gone thru the whole pregnancy journey. It's so taboo. The ones I do know who have gone thru it have totally embraced and loved it! Then after they delivered the dynamics of their life just fell back into place. It's inspiring.
I asked myself what bothers me most about having a big baby belly? This is gonna sound crazy to some of you but I must be honest in my blog..........I think what bothers me most is people seeing my belly and assuming I had se.x with a man to get pregnant.
----Please don't send me any hate mail or slay my blog...I am by no means saying that for those of you who opted for this method there is something wrong. This is my personal concern for me and my journey---
I know what people think shouldn't concern me. But in this case I would be a liar if I said it wouldn't make me feel some kinda way. A tad uncomfortable. People can be ignorant morons and when they see a lesbian pregnant some automatically assume you backslid. Ahahahahaha @ Backslid! {Pause} For all of you who may not be well versed in Christian stuff, to backslide is when you basically fall off the church wagon. As in you stop coming to church and fall back into Satans arms. lol But in this case it would be going back to men. lol It's more to it than that but you get my point.
Back to my thought...yeah, so they automatically assume you had se.x with a guy and ended up pregnant. Wait. OR WORSE... maybe they will assume I'm HETERO!! Grrrrrr Ugh! I hate that it has the potential to get under my skin. I was even pissed when people looked at my wife that way or made comments. Again, I know you're saying "who cares what people think or say?" I get that....like I said, typically I don't but I guess because this hits so up close and personal for me, it does. I also don't want anyone to think for one second I would not embrace my belly, my pregnancy or our child. While this issue gets to me it doesn't negate the fact that I'm also very thankful to be able to even get pregnant. I don't take this for granted in the least bit. I need to and will get over my feelings about it. This is just my little piece of the cyber-world to express myself......
Good luck to all of you ladies in the TWW! There are soooo many of you this cycle! I'm praying for your two-pink lines.
Being a lesbian, I have to admit that there is a certain bit of judgement from the lesbian community when "we" suspect one of our own of having "fallen off the bandwagon" and sleeping with men. In a sense, it is unforgivable, particularly if you live in a small community. I personally know a woman who identified as lesbian but who *briefly* went back to dating men. She decided that she wanted to return to dating women but this lesbian community is less than welcoming of her now. And though I am the more femme one in my relationship, I also don't love the idea of people assuming I have slept with a man. Assumptions are just not ok. In any case, your blog is hilarious and I look forward to reading more.
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