Milestones.

 

I took my first ever prenatal vitamin this morning. One thing I've learned in life is that on every journey you must celebrate even the small milestones. I have mixed feelings. I'm very excited, yet scared. Very nervous yet I have peace that what's meant to be is Gods will for my life.

Speaking of which, my wife is such an amazing woman...I left the vitamins on the counter this morning instead of putting them back in our hall closet....and when I got to work I got this text, "YaY!!! You started the prenatals!!" I'm so excited! I can't wait to knock you up!" lol...I love that woman. She makes me feel special. She makes me feel like no matter what I do in life or how hard times get...having her by my side, everything will be okay. That's why I married her.

 

So....now that I've started my prenatals I feel like I'm already doing the best I can to make this old body the best it can be for our child. Being as though I am considered advance maternal age {36} I'm just focused on doing my part to make sure I'm as healthy as I can be. In the past year and some change I've dropped almost 20lbs, started eating MUCH healthier, become more active and I owe a lot of these changes to my wife. She incorporated fresh fruits and veggies and overall healthier meals into my diet and I'm seeing the benefits. That's really all I can do.

Oh, I need to stay away from Dr. Goo.gle and the "statistics" about having babies in your mid-to-late 30's. That will just stress me out and contribute to my anxiety. I mean, I know there is some truth to the stats but I also know that every woman is different and there are so many factors that come into play with AMA. Also, I know that I'm not the typical 36 year old. I just place my faith in God that everything will be okay. With me, the pregnancy, our baby and the delivery.

I know our son {Or daughter} is waiting in the clouds. Just as Baby C was. We prayed her down and she came to us just when she was supposed to. She has truly blessed our lives and I know that once #2 is here we will be complete. Our family of four will finally be complete. I feel it's an honor to give Mommy N a child just as she's blessed me with a daughter. No words can express the sacrifice involved.

 

My current iPeriod alert: Your period is expected in 3 days! Today is CD21. It would either be 9dpo or 10dpo. Either way I would probably be gearing up to test to see if we got a BFP. Eeeeeeeeeek!

That's all for now.

Motion Sickness

Just looking at this pic makes me wanna puke! OMG. I've been cursed with extreme motion sickness all of my life. I'm a little scared because I know it's a symptom of pregnancy. Needless to say I'm praying mine doesn't get worse when I'm pregnant! Ugh!

I had an episode this weekend where I had a little too much to drink. It was horrible. I asked my wife, "does morning sickness feel like the kinda sickness you get after you've had too much to drink?" Her reply, "yeah." lol I was like "Ohhhh noooo well I'm in trouble!" lol I hate motion sickness! I'd rather be in full out pain! I can handle being in pain better. *Sighs* I know there is medication I can take for it but I just don't want to have to deal at all!

 

Lord, please go easy on the kid in the morning sickness/nausea department. Oh, and in the labor department too! Is that asking for too much? lol

 

I start my prenatal vitamins next month and after Sunday's episode I've declared that I will no longer drink liquor. I'm getting way too old for that foolishness and besides, I have a kid and soon to be kiddies. I can't allow myself to go "there" again because Lord forbid something happens I would be in no shape to help. Can't have that...so, farewell to my liquor drinking days. Beer and wine only for this gal. I'm sure my wife will be proud *Thumbs up*

 

Smile! Oh. Wait. What about a new job?

After several negative smiley's on CD3, CD6, CD9 & CD10.....I woke up on CD12 and decided to take another test. Its official, we have a smile! I was so shocked and excited. I went straight into the bedroom and showed my wife. We high-fived and laughed. lol

 

While we are not planning on actually starting our baby making journey for #2 until October it was a relief to see that little smiling face. Oh, and my wife gave me some prenatals to start but I'm going to hold off on taking them until next month. No real reason why...just feel like June is a good month.

 

That leads me into the next concern. Looking for a new job. I feel like I've put ttc off for so many reasons for so many years and at 36 soon to be 37 I cannot continue to do that. I graduated with my Masters Degree two days ago and looking for a new job, paying more $ in the field I love is a priority for me right now.

I know I'm planning on ttc but I also need to find another job. I'm concerned about starting a new job knowing I want to be pregnant before the end of the year. I feel bad because it feels like I'm not being honest with perspective employers. Of course I'm not going to divulge that information if I do get an interview or the job. I won't tell them until I am at least 12 weeks. So I feel like I'm not being fair or that I'm hiding something from them.

But then it's like....what about time off? When I'm sick and don't feel like going to work? Time off for appointments? Maternity leave and benefits? Stress of starting a new job while pregnant? It's just SO much to consider! UGH! But one thing I do know is that I cannot continue to worry about things I do not and cannot control. I cannot control when I get pregnant or when I find a new job or any of the other aspects above.

I can only pray that God works it all out for me. He already knows the answers to the questions and I just have to trust in His process and Trust that he has everything already worked out for my good. Yes, it would be easier for me just to stay at my current job where I have seniority, lots of leave time and flexibility....but I'm ready to advance and make more money to provide for my new family. It's so tricky and sometimes I feel like if I had just had a baby before now I wouldn't have to worry about these issues. Oh well....it must not have been in my plan so I will just continue to journey on..........

 

Sidebar: I love that I started this journal. It's my private space to get my feelings out in the open. Sounds kinda contradictory but its therapy......

Happy for a Circle

Last night some friends of ours who are actively TTC came over to borrow our Fertility Monitor after AF showed up for them yesterday. The urgency of K&K jumping in their car late in the evening to get our magical monitor reminded me so much of my wife and I when we were TTC. You do whatever it takes to catch the egg and see those two pink lines! I know how it feels to pray but yet put your hope in these little devices to create a miracle. They have been trying for several months now so I hope our monitor brings them success. It would actually be kinda cool to know our monitor resulted in yet another rainbow baby.

 

That leads me into this entry....sooooo, yeah......when I found out they were coming to get the fertility monitor I pulled all of our baby making devices out the hall closet to make sure everything was there. I saw the CBE Smiley and thought..........let me just see if something happens when I insert a urine stick. I went into the kitchen while Mommy N was giving Baby C a bath, grabbed a cup...pee'd and inserted in the downstairs bathroom. Now, I knew nothing would appear because I am still on my cycle but I guess I just wanted to see if something would appear, even if it was just a circle. Of course I'm not ovulating but it was kinda exciting to get the rush while waiting for something to appear in the window. I ran into the bathroom and showed my wife and her response was, "when did you pee?!" lol I'm sure she wasn't expecting that at all.

 

Observation -  when it was Mommy N's turn....we were so over the moon excited about every little thing that happened. But this time for me, it kinda got overshadowed by bath time. I know the second time around won't be as intense or as big of a deal, well not at this stage anyway, but I just want things to be exciting and big for me as well. I don't want my experience TTC to always be diluted with everything else going on in our lives. I know we have Baby C and we aren't technically trying yet but I do want the same enthusiasm and excitement about my journey as we were for her journey. I would feel sad if that didn't happen. It kinda goes along the lines of being in a relationship with someone that has already had kids or experienced pregnancy and birth... but it's your first time. They have to be mindful not to spoil or ruin the excitement and newness of it all for you. Although I'm sure they don't do it intentionally....they still need to be mindful. I know my wife will become fully engaged as we enter into the months of actively trying. She is my biggest support and I know she will have a sense of compassion for me that no one else will. I'm just thankful that neither of us had kids outside of our union. I'm also thankful that we share these new experiences with each other for the first time. I'm excited to go through this again with my wife. I want  to give her a son. I'm sure as time goes on she will be just as crazy about the possibility of getting me pregnant as I was with her.

 

But for now....I celebrate the fact that last night I had a big moment in my own personal journey of ttc. Even if it was just a circle. It meant a lot to me and was a big deal...........

Practice

So, Mother's Day was amazing! We hosted our 3rd annual Mother's Day brunch at the house and as usual it was a success. I'm not sure if we are going to do it next year because honestly I would much rather take a mini-vacation just the 3 of us. I don't know...maybe I'm just tired and still recovering from all the prep that goes into making the day successful. I may change my mind.

 

This was our first Mother's Day! Waking up to Baby C was all the gift I needed. I immediately reflected back to last year when we were sad. After months of TTC we still hadn't gotten our BFP. The day, although good because we celebrated OUR moms....was bittersweet because we wanted to at least be pregnant by then. But things don't always go how you plan. This year we were MOMS! We had our own little bundle there to love and kiss. It was a very special day to Mommy N and I.

 

I've decided to do a practice run this cycle. I'm going to track my ovulation. Just to see. We plan on using the cheap dollar store ovulation predictor (which work VERY well) along with the CBE smiley's. It will be kinda fun. I guess I just want to see that little smiley face. As you've read...in previous entries, I'm an older Mama so for me it's probably making sure things still work. I started my cycle on 05-11-13 so today is CD3. I will probably start testing on CD7 (May 17th). The fertility app has my peak days listed as 18th -20th with the 20th being O day. We shall see. My cycles are like clock-work so I'm praying that helps to move things along.

5 Months

Countdown..........

 

Okay, so I looked at the calendar and I realized we have roughly 5 months before our first at home insemination for kiddo #2!

My cycle tracker projects my period weeks will be September 27th-October3rd, 2013 and October 20-October 26, 2013. That means back to the fertility monitor, the CBE smileys and donor coordination!

I have mixed emotions about it. On one hand I'm really excited and looking forward to it. Kinda like conquering a major fear! But on the other hand I'm really scared and nervous. I know what we went through with my wife, Mommy N, and I just pray we are ready emotionally to go thru all that again. Especially now that we have a little baby to look after. It was rough. But in the end we have Baby C so it was indeed all worth it.

We plan to take our yearly vacation at the end of September. I'm really looking forward to that trip for soooo many reasons:

1. It will be our first trip to Disney with a real whole baby!

2. It will be our first trip to Disney as a family of 3 instead of it just being Mommy N and myself.

3. I can drink all the beer and wine my lips touch because it will be my LAST week drinking

4. I can drink all the beer and wine my lips touch because it will be my LAST week drinking

(No you're not going crazy...I'm just really gonna let myself enjoy the wonderful taste of a freezing cold beer poolside)

5. It will give me a chance to relax and get myself together mentally and emotionally for the TTC journey.

 

I've decided I am going to have the HSG test done just to make sure my tubes are clear and all set to go. I am also going to schedule an appointment with my RE to make sure we are all on the same page. I plan to use the progest.erone suppositories from day 3 of ovulation on. I honestly believe that is what helped my wife BIG TIME! Also, I will need to have my pap done in late August/September so I'm probably going to have that done before we leave for Florida.

So, as the timeline goes:

- Start taking my prenatal vitamins next month (I already take 800mcg of folic acid)

- Meet with the RE in August

- Schedule the HSG test for sometime in August or September (Not sure yet)

-First round of inseminations in October.

I pray we are not on this ride for long! It would be nice to get our BFP on the first or second try!

Back at it again!

I made the decision to start this TTC blog because I'm sure I will need this outlet over the next few months. I wanted to document one of the scariest journey's I've ever volunteered to travel....getting pregnant and being Mama to two kiddos!

 

My Wife and I were married in July 2012. We started trying to conceive our first kid after dating for almost a year (October 2011). We had NO clue what we were in for! I don't think we've both cried so much in our lives. After 6 months of failed cycles, tears, and crazy emotions we found out we caught the eggy just days before our wedding (July 2012)! It was the BEST wedding gift ever. We conceived our daughter using fresh sperm and at home insemination. After that whole experience I totally feel like an honorary RE/GYN. Making a rainbow baby is all about timing, faith and precision! Baby C was born on March 21st, 2013. The most amazing day of my life. Seeing the birth of my daughter almost brought me to my knees in the operating room, I was so thankful.

 

That leads me to this blog......we don't want Baby C and the new kiddo to be too far apart in age. Plus I'm an older Mama, 36 ...I will be 37 this coming November. So I pray it doesn't take too many cycles for me to get pregnant! My wife, "Mommy N" did such a great job carrying Baby C. She is my hero. The pregnancy-the good and the bad-she took it in stride. I just pray I'm as strong as she was. Although I'm the "tomboy" half of our union I will probably drive my wife insane! My pain tolerance and just overall "not feeling quite myself" tolerance is close to 0.

Oh, I also pray that I can give her a son. But, if we have another healthy baby girl I will be thankful all the same. But, as you can see the above blog picture is in blue so.......lol

 

So, this is it. I'm done with my Graduate degree, I'm Baby C's Mama and I'm Mommy N's proud Wife. The only thing left for me to do is conquer my fear and travel this road that I've put off for so long. Getting pregnant has taken a back seat to EVERYTHING in my life - school, career, friends, fun...everything. Now it's time to man-up (no pun intended) and embrace it. I'm scared shitless. I have so many fears and worries. But I pray. That's all I can do is pray.

I will be documenting my journey leading up to October when we officially start TTC and continue throughout the pregnancy. Welcome on my TTC Journey.................Four Completes The Set.

Baby C
Mommy N
Mama C <-----That's Me :)