9 weeks......shyt is about to get real.

Nine weeks til insemination. It's just not sinking in yet that in 9 short weeks my wife will insert sperm into my body to prayerfully make another baby. Whoa. I just want to thank you all for the support and the encouragement. It does help! To know I have an entire Blogger family cheering me on is really kinda dope!

 

Oh, I did get an excellent report from my RE last week. After two years of abnormal pap smears I FINALLY got a normal result from my visit/pap on July 3rd. God is Good. Now, I really feel good about moving forward. All systems are a go!

 

I think it's kinda cool that Mommy N is realllllllly getting excited about, as she puts it, "I can't wait to knock you up!?" Hahaha...Girl BYE! lol No, really It's cool. She's having way too much fun with it tho. lol I'm so thankful I can give her this experience. I pray everything goes smooth. She's always on me about taking my prenatals. I started taking an extra 800mcg of Foli.c Aci.d last week. That brings my total to 1600mcg per day. With my age I think that's good enough. Did any of you ladies take more than the 800 that comes in the prenatal vitamins? Just curious....

 

We have decided to purchase the big box of CBE Smiley's to start next cycle. I didn't track with the OPK's this cycle. I was over it! I just went by my cervical mucus. Next cycle we will bring out the real gunz to track our eggy. We will probably start using our fertility monitor as well. Although I'm not excited about the thought of using it while we are on vacation in Disney in September. *humph*

 

Well, just an update...We have been in contact with our donor and we have scheduled appointments for his medical work up. Yes, we are using the same donor as Baby C. He's so great! We could not have found a better donor. He's been so wonderful, consistent and compliant throughout this whole entire process. I've read horror stories about known donors but I'm so thankful we didn't experience any of those issues. He actually laughed and said, "I hope y'all get a boy this time!" Although the ultimate goal is simply to have an uneventful pregnancy and a healthy baby....He knows how badly we really want a little guy. We need some testosterone in our house to balance things out! lol It's just awesome to go thru this and not have any anxiety, stress or fears about the donor. We are truly blessed.

 

Mark this day......7-29-13.....something tells me I'm gonna get pregnant the first try, or at max 3. I don't know what it is...but something internal tells me that it's gonna happen pretty quickly for me. It makes me excited and nervous at the SAME DAMN TIME! If it's gonna happen fast I would rather it happen first try....reason being, I'm not planning on telling family and friends until after our NT scan...which will put us in January. My moms birthday is the 11th so it would be a really nice birthday gift for her. But we shall see.

 

Today is CD13....

My Body works......

Everything will work out just the way it's supposed to.....

Lawdy Lawdy I got a Liebster!

Totally unexpected but ya girl has been nominated for the Liebster Award! {Pauses for applause}

Camille over at http://andjustaddwater.wordpress.com/ nominated me and I'm truly thankful and humbled. Her blog...And Just Add Water, has indeed become one of the blogs I stalk on the regular. *smile* She's genuine with her readers. I love an authentic blog that is transparent in both the highs and the lows of the TTC journey.

 

Back to the Liebster....Blogger awards are such a great way to learn more about your fellow bloggers. This is a way for small bloggers to give recognition to other small bloggers (200 followers or less). I will be SURE to follow all the blogs nominated by Camille & I hope you guys will do the same by following me on my crazy TTC journey as well.

 

Here’s how it works:

Copy & Paste This Whole Post and Replace All Your Information — who awarded you, for example.

The rules:

1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.
2. Post 11 facts about yourself, answering the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.
3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.
4. Display the Liebster Award logo.
5. No tag backs meaning you can’t just re nominate the person who nominated you.

As Solo the First put it “The real purpose behind these nominations are not only as an accolade from a fellow blogger and let’s face it, nothing gently strokes our little writer hearts more than someone telling you they appreciate your work. In addition to the back patting we need to receive from time to time, it also allows us to get a little more personal as we get to know our increasing blogging community. It also helps drive traffic to your site as we reference one another.”

 

The questions put forth to me (with my answers) are as follows:

 

1.    What is the best book you’ve read recently? Let’s see, being as though I just graduated with my Masters Degree I haven’t had time to read books that I actually want to read. So, out of my textbooks the best book has to be, “Difficult Conversations. How to Discuss What Matters Most” Stone, Patton & Heen did an amazing job with this small but powerful book! It basically teaches you constructive ways to have those dreaded conversations that simply need to be had! It has truly helped me in both the academic world as well as in my marriage and my personal life.

2.    Name a pet peeve – When in class someone responds to another classmates answer with, “To piggyback off of that statement..” Ughhhh! Just state YOUR position without the piggyback intro dammit! *face palms*

3.      If you could travel any place and money was not a factor, where would you go? Capetown South Africa!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4.      If you could go to any concert, whether they are dead or alive, broken up or together, who would it be? Mint Condition (I'm a groupie and I see them multiple times per year) and the late GREAT Donny Hathaway. RIP Donny.

5.      Red wine, white wine, beer, or water? BEER! 40oz of freezing cold Bud Ice or Miller light.

6.      Do you have a celebrity look-a-like? If so, who? People say Nia long. I guess I kinda see it if I get femme’d out lol

7.      What are three blogs you read most often? Honestly, I more often end up reading spiritual type blogs or just random blogs that I stumble across. On my Blog, roll I may stalk the ones that are either in the TWW or actively TTC…so it varies from week to week. I do read all the blogs on my Blog roll tho.

8.      What is your guilty pleasure? Tall Beers and Bar food. Lots of it!

9.      What is one skill or hobby you’re interested in learning? Hmmmmm….Oh, how to play spades! I think I’m the only black person on planet earth that doesn’t know how to play spades. Heck, I don’t know how to play any card games nor do I know the value of the cards that don’t have numbers on them L

10.  What are five words that best describe you? Spiritual, loyal, funny, determined & consistent.

11.  Beach or mountains? BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Okay, here are my nominations (in no particular order). Sorry I couldn't shorten the links...I'm having blogger technical difficulties over here this morning so cut me some slack. lol

 

Little One Still to Come

http://littleonestill2come.blogspot.com/

 Hearts of a Feather

http://Heartsofafeather.wordpress.com

 Mommy In Waiting - Love, Laughter, and a little one

http://llandalittleone.blogspot.com/

 Good Families Do...

http://goodfamiliesdo.wordpress.com

 Our Journey to Become Mommies

http://ourjourneytobecomemommies.blogspot.com

 Struggling to be Mothers

http://amandaraye210.blogspot.com

 Bread and Roses

http://chronicladybug.blogspot.com

 Mommy Loves Martinis

http://mommylovesmartinis.com

 Opening the Door

http://doorsareopening.wordpress.com

 Wedded Wife

http://weddedwife.wordpress.com

 Living Hypothetically

http://estrogenxs6.blogspot.com/

 

Here are my 11 questions:

1. What is your greatest fear?

2. What is your greatest accomplishment?

3. What public behaviors do you find the most offensive?

4. If you could change one law in the State where you live what would it be?

5. When you leave this earth what is the one thing most people will say about you and the life you lived?

6. You are at your happiest when?___________

7. What is your favorite quote or saying?

8. What is the one little known fact that most people will find surprising about you?

9. How many slices of pizza do you typically eat in one sitting?

10. What is your favorite holiday?

11. Are you #TeamiPhone or #Blackberry?

 

 

Thanks all folks! So....be sure to send a blog follow request and let me know you're rollin wit a chick! :)

 

Nel-

TTC: Go-Go Gadget Lesbian Synchronicity!

Today is CD1. Crazy thing is....it's CD1 for both me AND my wife. Ha! Mommy N woke up and was like, "my period started." I got up about 15 minutes after her and was like, "my period started." LOL! Go figure! She is 2 days late. I'm right on-time! {Thus the picture above from my period app} hehehe! I can remember before my wife got pregnant with Baby C we had months when we came on together but that hasn't happened in so long. I once heard that when lesbian couples move-in together or spend a lot of time together their cycles sometimes "sync." I'm not sure how true that is but.........

#Randomness - I was so thrown off when my wife got pregnant! Let me explain....I'm one of the lucky women who do not have menstrual cramps {Don't hate ladies lol} Anyhoo...I never get any pre-period, period or post-period cramps....nothing. I just come on. But I always knew around when I was gonna come on because I was usually the week after my wife. She was my gauge. lol So, when she got pregnant I had nothing to go by! It sounds weird but since I never get cramps I used her to give me a heads up about my impending cycle. lol Thank God for period tracking apps! What did I do before the smart-phone??? 

Things like a regular ON-TIME cycle make me feel better and better about my age and the whole TTC journey. It gives me that little extra confidence I need each month. Since we have decided to not do the HSG until we have unsuccessfully tried to make a baby for 3 months I won't be having any further testing done before we start TTC. My RE mentioned "monitoring ultrasounds" during our last visit, when we start in October, but unless them joints are covered by my health insurance, "No thanks Ma'am!" We will just use the OPK's and pray we get the timing right. 

CD1: July 17th, 2013

The magic cycle: September 24th-September 30th

Fertile Days: September 28th -October 3rd. 

Inseminations: October 1st, 3rd, & 5th...maaaybe Oct.7th. 

TTC: Eleven Weeks. Why does a Big belly even concern me?

Not eleven weeks pregnant. But, in approximately eleven weeks my wife and I will start our journey to TTC #2. I can't believe it. Of course, as some of you may know that's contingent upon me getting a new job in the next few weeks. If I do, we will hold off on TTC until Feb-March. Either way as of now, eleven is the magic number. The cut off for job stuff is September, if I don't have a new job by then we are going to move forward with expanding our family.

 

According to my period app I'm supposed to start my cycle in 2 days. The crazy thing is...actually seeing the eleven highlights the fact that after this cycle we will only be doing this "mock" tracking thingy for August! Because we insem the last week in September beginning of October! Holy Shyt! I didn't realize that until I just typed it out.

 

 

Now for the Real..........

 

I laugh because so many people don't think I'm gonna go thru with it. Even my own mom. I guess they look at me and our marriage dynamic and assume just because I'm the "not-so-femme" half...I won't be the one carrying any babies. I wonder will it be weird? Just in general. I would really like to connect with other not-so-femme family who have actually gone thru the whole pregnancy journey. It's so taboo. The ones I do know who have gone thru it have totally embraced and loved it! Then after they delivered the dynamics of their life just fell back into place. It's inspiring.

 

I asked myself what bothers me most about having a big baby belly? This is gonna sound crazy to some of you but I must be honest in my blog..........I think what bothers me most is people seeing my belly and assuming I had se.x with a man to get pregnant.

 

----Please don't send me any hate mail or slay my blog...I am by no means saying that for those of you who opted for this method there is something wrong. This is my personal concern for me and my journey---

 

I know what people think shouldn't concern me. But in this case I would be a liar if I said it wouldn't make me feel some kinda way. A tad uncomfortable. People can be ignorant morons and when they see a lesbian pregnant some automatically assume you backslid. Ahahahahaha @ Backslid! {Pause} For all of you who may not be well versed in Christian stuff, to backslide is when you basically fall off the church wagon. As in you stop coming to church and fall back into Satans arms. lol But in this case it would be going back to men. lol It's more to it than that but you get my point.

 

Back to my thought...yeah, so they automatically assume you had se.x with a guy and ended up pregnant. Wait. OR WORSE... maybe they will assume I'm HETERO!! Grrrrrr Ugh! I hate that it has the potential to get under my skin. I was even pissed when people looked at my wife that way or made comments. Again, I know you're saying "who cares what people think or say?" I get that....like I said, typically I don't but I guess because this hits so up close and personal for me, it does. I also don't want anyone to think for one second I would not embrace my belly, my pregnancy or our child. While this issue gets to me it doesn't negate the fact that I'm also very thankful to be able to even get pregnant. I don't take this for granted in the least bit. I need to and will get over my feelings about it. This is just my little piece of the cyber-world to express myself......

 

Good luck to all of you ladies in the TWW! There are soooo many of you this cycle! I'm praying for your two-pink lines.

Okay, I'm Torn.

This is an unofficial blog post. The reason I started this blog was to document my journey. So, when moments like these hit me I feel it's critical for me to type out my feelings.

 

At this moment I'm feeling torn. Torn between reallllllllllllllly wanting a new job and (in this exact moment) feeling like perhaps I don't want the job thing to come thru because I'm ready to start trying in October. I asked myself, "If the phone were to ring right now and it was the job you've been waiting for, How would you feel?" My response...."I would be happy as sh*%t BUT sad at the same time because I know we would have to push off TTC until at least February or March." --Yes, I had that conversation with myself. ..talking to myself keeps me sane. lol--

 

I mean, it's weird. One minute I feel like I can take or leave putting TTC off and a few minutes ago....{after reading a surrogacy blog}....I'm so ready to start this journey! Torn between money and my heart. It sucks. Major azz. I want and need a job for financial reasons. But I know my current career/job offers so much flexibility, security, amazing quality of life, dope benefits and just is the overall win in terms of getting pregnant. So, I do admit there are benefits to staying here. Many of them actually. And the pay isn't all that bad considering but I think recently graduating with my Masters Degree and now having Baby C is fueling me to want more. I have this, "I deserve it" mentality these days but I'm also ready to give my wife another beautiful child.

 

*Enters the Confession Booth* I admit. Sometimes...I wish I had just gone first! I wish I had just stuck to my, "I'm older so I'm gonna carry first" thought. That way, I wouldn't be in this position. I would already have it over and done with. Why did I change my mind?? GahDammit Nell! I would be ready to take my career by storm without a baby care in the world right now!!! (well not a care about a baby being IN me)...Someday's I kick myself for switching up. At this juncture I would only be focused on providing for my wife and kid(s) right now! I would be focused on my wife carrying our 2nd kid right now Grrrrrrrrr! *Exits Confession Booth*

 

But......things played out exactly they way they were supposed to. I find peace in knowing that the ultimate say is God's. My wife was meant to go first. It was in the design for our lives. God knows how all of this will play out annnnnnd why He designed it to be this way. I'm okay with just living for each moment I have and embracing the fact that things can and probably will end up changing along this journey. I'm okay with that. I'm just blessed to even have a job. I'm also blessed to have an amazing wife, beautiful daughter and a really cool life. And for that. I. Am. Thankful.

 

CD16 - I have zilch cervical fluid.

Next Period Expected in 8 days (July 17th)

I'm a complete Horn-Dog when I'm ovulating! Who Knew?

Eggs and Updates

I want to first start off by sending up a prayer for one of my fellow blogger friends who has been newly diagnosed with colon/liver cancer. I have been following her and her wife's TTC journey for over a year and to learn of this news is so heartbreaking. After trying to conceive for several years they welcomed a sweet baby girl 5 months ago. She has been diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis isn't good. Truly heartbreaking. The blogger community is rallying behind you Crazy Lesbian Mom and you're not in this alone! I believe in Miracles. Here is the link to her blog if you want to show her support & send encouragement http://crazylesbianmom.com/

 

 

The Job:

 

I thank you ALL for your support and positive words! Just to update you...I wasn't able to accept the position. Bummer. No, dammit! The salary just wouldn't work and I was informed that the position was contingent upon federal funding, so I had to decline. I cannot put my hopes in Uncle Sam these days. Way too many cuts and uncertainties. I have a family to provide for and I can't take those types of gambles. So, my search continues and it looks like we are back on target for our October insemination. That is, unless another job offer comes thru between now and September. Either way...send some positive energy into the Universe for me in that department.

 

The RE appointment:

 

We went to see the RE on July 3rd. I was hella nervous. Meanwhile my wife was all chipper and skippin thru the doors. I'm sure it's because she is no longer in the fertility hot seat this time. Grrrr! lol It was cool to see all the staff that helped us create Baby C. They were all so giggly and excited to see her! Now back for #2 it did provide some calmness within me. I guess because now I feel like we are vets and we "know the drill." I know each experience is different but I don't feel the anxiety I felt when we went in for my wife.

 

Now, about my eggs......well folks they are not scrambled! Yay! I had a follow-up pap done and an ultrasound. Since I was on CD10 the RE wanted to do an ultrasound to "see how things looked." Lo and behold at CD10 I had a 16mm follicle on the left and several smaller ones on the right. She said my uterus looks so healthy it could be in a "textbook." I'll take that Ma'am! Overall I found out a few things that helped ease my mind: 1. I'm not that old 2. My "stuff works" 3. My body is gearing up to make a baby when the time comes.

 

--{Tires Screech}-- Wait, I forgot something. I'm really gonna need these RE's to understand that some lesbos haven't had anything. Up. There. In YEARS! Like 13 years. So, when invading me with that probe to do the ultrasound I really wanted to jump OFF that table! OMG! Was that a rubber on there? It sure looked like one. "Dear Wife, please don't get any ideas because it ain't happenin. Ever. Never. Ever"

......Oh, I couldn't jump off the table because I didn't wanna look like a punk! My G status would have been ruined if I did. But, how much G status can you have with a probe up in you? Eh...whateva....... 

 

Guess I better get used to it. Fcuk.