Where Do I Begin? *Updates* Pic {kinda}

Okay so....really, where the heck do I begin?! So much has happened I honestly don't know if anyone still follows my blog or if I can even do this blog any justice now that my TTC~babymaking~Birth journey is over.

I wasn't a "mommy blogger" before my journey started back in May of 2013. That's just not my thing. I've tried to update this blog several times since the birth of Baby Boy N but I just can't seem to find the words or the direction. My sole purpose for creating this blog was to help me thru that chapter of my life and to prayerfully help someone else. I pray I did. So now what? I guess I will start by at least trying to keep this short (considering it could potentially be a very LONG post) & just update on where we are as of today.

The Journey:

It was this time last year I was gearing up to get pregnant. My wife, Baby C and I were headed to our annual visit to Disney knowing we would start TTC right after we returned home. Crazy right?! Nothing has changed, well the TTC part has, but we are once again prepping for our annual Disney trip BUT we have an amazing 3 month old son tagging along. Yep, Baby Boy N is 3 months old.....but I'll get to that. It is bittersweet that our TTC days are all over and that was indeed a source of sadness for me after delivery. My wife and I both felt a sense of sadness that we would no longer be trying to get pregnant, ever. Let's face it, we spent two years of our life surrounded by TTC stuff and it had become a place of normalcy for us. But it's over now. We still have those conversations about what if we are crazy enough to do it just one more time but in my spirit I know we probably won't. Our set is complete with a son and a daughter and I just don't see us doing it again. And I'm okay with that.

Post Birth Experience:

This really could be a separate post all in itself but I think I'll just touch on it here. My labor was so easy and so uneventful and so quick annnnnnnd my son came 22 days early. Needless to say, these awesome things however were also the root and core of my post-partum baby blues. It was like, one minute I was pregnant, miserable, big belly and congested--then the next minute I had this 6lb 1oz baby in my arms and my boobs were hard as bricks~! It all came and went so fast. I didn't have time to mentally or emotionally deal with things. It all kinda just happened. Then it was, over. I was sad. I cried, a lot. I was happy, sad and super emotional. No...I was a HOT MESS! It took a few weeks for the emotions to level out. I felt robbed of my last 22 days of my son being in the womb. Robbed of a labor that was filled with time to process that I was about to have a baby. Robbed of my July baby. Robbed of my last 22 days of selfishness having my baby boy all to myself. Robbed of hitting 37 (I was two days shy of 37 weeks when I delivered), 38, 39 & 40  weeks of pregnancy.

But God had other plans...........and I'm okay with that, now.

Baby Boy N:

He is AMAZING! He's our happy baby. He smiles all the time!! He's adorable. He has a sweet calm spirit. He is finding his "voice" by cooing. He is a sleeper! Thank God for that! He is just a lovable kid and I thank God for sending him to us. He's 3 months old and getting so chunky. He's about 13ish lbs now. He was almost 12lbs at his 2 month visit. What can I say, he lights up our lives and we are just so blessed. He adores his big Sister and laughs at her allllll the time. lol We are so in love. My wife and I have two awesome kids. For that we give thanks. I love my wife. I love my kids.

For a Son we prayed and God said, "Yes. I'll send you the desires of your heart."

 

(We don't post full face shots of our kids online but here is sample pic of our Baby Boy N!)

So, again....I don't know if I will continue this blog. I may pop in from time to time to update major stuff but I'm not sure. I really have no blogger direction now that my journey is over. I admire those super cool mommy bloggers lol. But again.....it's just not my thing. Maybe I will find another purpose for this blog. You know, a shift in vision that will lead me to continue documenting my life. We shall see. Thank you all for following my journey. Thank you for helping ME get thru one of the scariest times of my life. This blog is so special to me and I'm just so thankful for the blogger friends I've made along the way.

 

For now, signing out - Mama C!

Birth Story....Welcoming Our Baby Boy

Today is July 3rd. It was my due date. The day I fantasized over since we got our BFP.

July 3rd, 2014.

I think it's only fitting that I post my birth story today and take some time out to reflect on the most amazing journey of my life. Today our son is 3 weeks old. 

Let me take you back.......................

June 9th, 2014 {36 weeks 4 days / 23 days until my due date) I went to work as usual and like other days I felt so miserable. I could hardly breathe from the pregnancy congestion and there was so much pressure down below. But the difference today was I knew I would be off on 06-10-14 for a routine OB appointment. I was scheduled to have my Group B Strep test done (GBS) and to maybe have a cervical check. I went back and forth about the cervical check and decided I would decline it when I went in. My OB appointment was scheduled for the 10th at 10:15am. When I came home from work I lounged around the house and even bought brownies for my wife to fix. I did notice that simply getting in and out of the car was beginning to be very uncomfortable for me so I also decided that my last day at work would be 06-19-14....that would put me at 38 weeks. My plan was to work until then and take 2 weeks for myself to rest up and get off of my feet for the remainder of my pregnancy. 

"When we are busy making plans.....God laughs."

Later that evening I pulled the hospital bag out and just randomly went through it to make sure we had everything. I now know that was divine intervention.

My wife and I did some stretching before bedtime. My body was so sore and my hips hurt like hell so stretching did provide me a little relief. I thought I heard a "pop" sound while on the floor but nothing happened. We went to bed.

At 12:34am on June 10th, 2014 I woke up from my sleep feeling like I was peeing on myself. I jumped up to try to make it to the bathroom. I figured I had a dream of being in the bathroom and just had an accident. Then I thought maybe Baby Boy N hit my bladder in the right spot and that caused me to pee! As I stood up to go to the bathroom...the fluid just kept pouring. I just stood there and yelled, "Baby I think my water just broke!" My wife jumped up and walked around to my side of the bed. She said, "Baby that's NOT pee...it's not yellow!" lol I then attempted to walk to the bathroom. The fluid was still coming. When we both got to the bathroom and I sat on the toilet, it stopped. So at that point I knew for sure it was just me peeing on myself. I wiped and there was no bloody show....no thick mucus. Just the slippery clear kinda discharge. It looked like "I had a major orgasm" kinda slippery clear discharge. lol I should say that I think I started losing my plug the week before...but it was coming out in small pieces. I had one glob that was kinda weird but nothing that stood out as OMG!

My wife called the on-call OB and told her what was happening. They advised that I could come in at any time. After going back and forth with my wife about going in I decided to go back to sleep. lol Again, I just knew it was just pee. I put a towel between my legs and laid back down in bed. At 1:40am my wife asked was I still leaking. I told her yes but I thought it was again.....pee. lol Let me explain, when you get to the end and you're having to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes it's quite possible to pee on yourself...a lot! I laid there for about 5mins and sat back up in bed. Something inside of me said, "go to the hospital." I figured, if it is just pee let them tell me and then send me home. I also considered just waiting until my 10:15am appointment THAT DAY to be seen! lol I just knew I would be coming back home..........

As my wife sprung to get Baby C together and put the bags in the car I sat on the side of the bed and prayed. Same prayer I prayed just before our first insemination...."Lord, Thy Will be done." In that moment Our lives had come full circle. I also prayed that if this was truly it...that He would protect Baby Boy N and I and keep us both healthy and safe. 

I was having no pains. No nothing...and as we walked out the house I laughed to myself and thought, "I will be back home soon." My plan was to come back home and tell my OB all about my ordeal at my appointment later that morning.

"When we are busy making plans.....God laughs."

We arrive at Labor & Delivery around 2:15-30am. We were laughing and joking the entire time. Just me, my wife and Baby C. We were checked in and when the registration clerk asked why I was there I replied, "I think I pee'd on myself or my water broke...I'm not sure." She laughed and said, "Most of the women who come in saying they are totally sure their water broke end up going back home...and all of the women who think they pee'd on themselves end up staying." LOL I thought...Yeah right.

Still having Zero pain and in a chipper mood. 

They call us to the back for triage & this was the moment of truth. It's around 2:45am at this point. 

The Doctor comes in and asks me a bunch of questions. She then tells me I have to get a cervical check to see if it was in fact my water that broke. My wife sees the look of panic on my face and immediately says, "she had a bad experience with a cervical check that caused her to bleed." The Doctor comforted me and said she would use the smallest speculum they had. My wife can be gangsta when need be! God I love her..lol She stepped in like a BOSS! :-) I braced myself for the check but Before she could even get the speculum in....more fluid gushed out and she was like, "Yep...your water broke I don't need to test!" She then told me she would check to see if there was any dilation. I saw the look on her face and I knew something was up! She shouted, "How long have you been having contractions??" I told her I didn't think I was having any because I was in NO PAIN! She asked how far dilated I was at my last OB appointment? I told her I had never been checked because my appointment was TODAY! All I remember is her saying, "Well you are 4-5cm DILATED already!" WTF!!!!! Then the room was an active L&D site! lol Nurses came from everywhere and I was asked even more questions. My wife started calling our moms and I was just laying there thinking, " Ohhhmyyyygawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

They wheeled me into my L&D room. At this point it was around 3am.  I immediately asked for the epidural! I was still in NO pain but I wasn't taking any damn chances! lol They also gave me antibiotics to be sure since I never made it to my GBS test. Well, after being in the room for about 5mins I began to feel pressure. I got the epidural around 3:30am. The nurse stayed with me while it was being administered because my wife had to step into the hallway with Baby C because our moms had not arrived yet. The Epidural wasn't that bad at all. 

Within minutes our moms walked into the room and I was starting to feel more pressure but I was also starting to feel the Epi kick in. Then the pressure really got to the point where I had to breathe thru it. I finally found out what contractions felt like. I asked the nurse if I could get more Epi juice but she wanted to check me first. My mom was on my left and my wife was to my right. My wife's mom was holding Baby C on the sofa playing with the ipad. 

When the nurse checked me I closed my eyes for a few seconds to brace for the possible pain....when I opened my eyes I asked her how much I progressed? She said, "YOU'RE 10CM!!" I thought, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!???? OMG OMG! My wife said she mouthed to her "he's right there!" Everyone was so shocked that I progressed that fast! The nurses were like, "Your body is a pro at birth and this baby is ready!" I asked if my OB would make it in time to deliver and they told me flat out, "hellll no!" lol Well, they didn't say hell but basically there was no way she would make it in time at the rate things were going. If I hadn't made the decision to go to the hospital I would have been delivering our son at home. This is a fact. Thank God we went when we did. At this point it was around 5am. 

We all screamed and I think I started to cry. Well, yeah I did. I was scared, nervous, excited and shocked all at the same time. My mom was so helpful and supportive. She surprised me. She was rubbing my face with a cold towel, rubbing my arms and telling me to breathe. I thought she wouldn't be able to handle the birth but she really surprised me. I've never felt more close to her than in that moment. My wife was a trooper and also did an amazing job keeping me calm. I just remember thinking how I wanted to make her proud of me. She was such a solider with the birth of our daughter....I just wanted to make her proud. 

This was it! We were about to meet our son! The child we prayed so hard for! 22 days early!!!!!

I pushed 7 times and Baby Boy N came into the world at 5:17am on June 10th, 2014 weighing 6lbs 1oz and 19inches. I cried so hard. I did it! I did it!! Praise GOD! I did what people said I wouldn't do. I carried a child and I pushed him out. I endured the pregnancy! I endured being miserable! I DID it!!!! I was so proud of myself in that moment. I remember just wanting to hold him and smell him! As they cleaned him off I had to get a few stitches. I will forever remember that first moment of skin-to-skin with our son and him rubbing his little fingers on my chest. My mom was so happy. My wife cried. My mother-in-law got to see her first grand-child born and my daughter got to see her baby brother come into the world. So many were blessed by his birth.

I prayed for a pain free easy labor.....and that's what I had. I only labored for 2 hours. There were no complications. Baby Boy N required no NICU time despite coming at 36 weeks 5 days. 22 days early. 2 days shy of full-term. My pregnancy was textbook & uneventful. I prayed for no morning sickness...I had none. I got pregnant on the first try. I prayed for a Boy and we now have our son. God. IS. Amazing. 

To Be Continued..............{The After-Birth Experience}

Countdown Journal - Day 36

New Ailment - Pregnancy Carpal Tunnel
Old Ailment - Pregnancy Congestion

36 Days til Due Date.


Over the weekend I noticed my right hand was falling asleep. Well, just three fingers on my right hand, my thumb...ring finger & index. It was especially bad when I slept on my right side. Then I noticed, it can't just be a matter of "falling asleep" because they are always numb and tingly! Even when I know my hand is in a position where it's getting blood flow.

I went in for my 35 week appointment yesterday and mentioned it to my OB {after my wife told me she experienced it too and she already diagnosed me lol} & she says it's pregnancy carpal tunnel caused by the extra fluid. Ugh! Add yet another chronic "the only cure is delivery" ailment to my list, along with the pregnancy rhinitis (congestion). Just wonderful <sarcasm font>. My wife let me use one of her braces and that did help last night. I washed my hair this morning and my fingers were numb making it difficult.

Baby Boy N is still really active. He's moving around a lot but I can tell he's much bigger and probably running out of space. I feel his hiccups down reallllly low. I'm praying he stays in position and doesn't flip around. My OB scheduled me for my GBS test for 06-10-14. She will also do an internal check and give me an order for an ultrasound to check his weight.

In 15 days he will be full term. I just can't wrap my head around that! FIFTEEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm feeling tired and ready to have him. The congestion is really starting to beat me down these days. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen. It hurts to get up, get in the car, get out the car, sit up.........basically anything that involves movement of any kind. My feet hurt, my ankles hurt from all the extra weight. I can't walk far or do anything too strenuous. I'm just tired. Thank GOD above for my wife...she's been a true blessing during this journey. She rubs my feet and always asks if there's anything she can do to help me. Thank you Lord for her. I've fought a good fight...while I want him to be a healthy baby needing no medical assistance after birth....I've had enough of pregnancy and I'm ready to meet him.

 

Dear Baby Boy:

 

After June 12th , 2014 you will be fully baked. So, feel free to come anytime after that.

 

Thanks,

Mama

Introducing Baby Boy N!

 

On May 14th, 2014 we went for our private 3D ultrasound session! My wife, Baby C and a few family members and close friends had the opportunity to share this special moment. It was awesome! I was exactly 32 weeks 6 days. I wasn't sure if we would be able to get pictures of his face because some of the suggestions I read said that between 28-31 weeks was the best time. So needless to say we were pushing it. lol

 

Part of our package was a CD of the session, printed 3D and black & white images. We saw him smiling, opening his mouth, sucking his thumb (side-ways), and even crying/frowning!!!!!! OMG! I couldn't believe it! Technology is so amazing I tell ya.

 

This session made everything seem so damn real. Most people say it "hits" them after the babyshower but for me it was seeing our son on that huge flat screen monitor. To see him crying and not be able to hold him almost made me want to tell the tech to stop the session! lol Like, he was right there! On the screen. Chubby cheeks, long fingers and everything. Oh, and this time he made SURE we knew he was a boy. Spread eagle for all to see lol My wife bought a heartbeat bear. We had one from Baby C and it was only fitting to complete the set with one pink bear and one blue one. His heartbeat was fast! She said 165bpm. It's never been that high! So of course I called the OB the next morning to inquire and find out if I should be concerned. I was told it's perfectly fine.

 

Sidebar: My mom placed her hand on my stomach and he moved and kicked. She was like "Oh wooooow!" I'm glad she got that opportunity. It was a precious small moment between her and I while waiting to go into the ultrasound room. It's a huge step for her and I because with me not being "girly" and her not being really "expressive" we don't have too many memories like that. In fact, my pregnancy/labor/birthing will probably be the only time. lol I'm cool with that tho.

 

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Look at those LIPS! So adorable! That little nose and those lips melt my heart. My wife & I think he's gonna look like Baby C. We think our donor just has strong genes. Time will tell. I can't believe how plump he's looking. At first I said he would probably weigh around 6lbs....my wife has said the same as Baby C (7lbs 13oz) or a little bigger, like 8lbs.  Either way....41 days and counting. We are so ready to meet this little Guy! I'm 34 weeks 1 day. Yay! Oh, I got my whooping cough shot yesterday and thank God I have no soreness at all! Life is Grand.

 

 

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Surprise Shower @ Work!

 

 

Well, my coworkers really got me good yesterday! They threw me a surprise Baby Shower. It really touched me. I was totally not expecting them to go all out like they did. How awesome?! I'm truly blessed. We received lots of cute clothes, toys and cash/giftcards for Baby Boy N. I couldn't wait to get home so my wife could go thru everything. lol We are all set! Now we just wait out the next 41 days for the BIG MOMENT!

 

 

I had to snap a pic of the food & delicious cupcakes! Yum! They even did the Monster's Inc theme. I was really touched and had to step out for a moment because I knew I was gonna cry. Which I did..........

 

Here's a recap pic. This has been an amazing journey.

 

 

33 Weeks...PLEASE let us see your face!

When I started this blog my intention was to document every week of my pregnancy. That hasn't happened. Well, I think I've done a decent job BUT I know I have left some events out simply because I've skipped some weeks. Now one day shy of 33 weeks I'm really going to try from here on out.

 

Tomorrow: We go in for our sneak peek ultrasound. I'm praying this little boy cooperates and we can see AND get clear 3D pics of his face. He has a history of being non-compliant so we shall see. Just my wife, Baby C and a few family members and best friends will be there. I'm excited and really looking forward to it. We did this when my wife was pregnant with Baby C and everyone seems to really appreciate the experience. Please Sprouty...show us your face!

 

Anxiety & Worry: I have to pray really hard that this feeling leaves. Now that I'm almost at the end, on the days when Baby Boy isn't as active I immediately semi-panic. Specifically, I stop what I'm doing and I only focus on making him move. I can't really relax until I feel him. My normal routine has been, I will NOT get out the bed in the morning and start my day until I feel him move. I literally lay there until I feel him. I was cool with that....but now that I know his "patterns" whenever I don't feel him during his normal times I worry.

Last night & this morning almost sent me into a panic. He HATES when I lay on my left side...so after being on that side for a decent amount of time & I didn't feel Baby thumps...I began to worry. It's not like a FULL out worry but more of a heightened, "Are you okay little baby?" Then this morning he wasn't as crazy as he usually is...so again, I wouldn't get up until I felt him. I'm guessing he's just tired from how active he was yesterday. And Boy was he ACTIVE! lol So I guess I just have to accept that he will have down days; Especially now that he's getting bigger and has less & less room in there. *sighs* Hurry up July 3rd {or whenever he's gonna come} because I feel like I'm back to the first trimester "worry" again. Ugh!

 

It's just that we love him so much and I want him OUT here and healthy.

 

But that's when my faith kicks in...

 

I just have to pray over my stomach, "God you knew him before you even placed him in my womb....and YOU can take care of him a lot better than I can. I love him God, you gave him to us and I cover him with your blood knowing no matter what...Thy will be done." ~Amen.

 

 

Meditation

 

I Surrender

Worry robs me of my joy so it has to go......

This journey was laid out for me long before I was born & I'm built for this last stretch........

God is Good.

 

 

32 weeks! Baby Shower Recap *Picture Heavy*

 

Well...I guess the beans of Baby Boy N's name has been spilled. lol Oh well.

 

First: Thanks so much for all the positive feedback on my last entry, the letter to my son. It was an emotional entry for me and that whole day was just full of tears of joy & thankfulness. Thank you all. I appreciate it.

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Our shower was awesome! Honestly it was way more than we expected. It was such a blessing. I still can't believe I will be 32 weeks tomorrow and the shower has already come and gone. The theme of the shower & the nursery is Monster's Inc. We LOVE how it all came together. My best friend's, my wife's best friend and my family did everything for the shower. My wife's family bought enough clothes to last Baby Boy a lifetime. Again, we were so blessed.

 

Everyone really showed up & showed out for us and it was actually kinda bittersweet. I guess because this is the last time we will experience a shower. A new baby. Pregnancy. This part of our journey is all over for us. When the little guy arrives.....that's it. So while we are enjoying the last few weeks of pregnancy and nesting...we are also looking forward to our new life with two kids & no more pregnancies.

 

I get my wife back. My body back. Her body back *evil laugh* My Beer back. My physical abilities back. My energy back. ME BACKKKK! You get the picture.......

 

I did have a semi-meltdown this past weekend because I was just miserable. I've been suffering from pregnancy rhinitis since 18 weeks 1 day {basically congestion and I can't breathe without using nasal spray}, I get tired so quickly and I was just so overwhelmed. I felt bad about complaining because I know so many women want so badly to be in my shoes...I didn't want to sound ungrateful. I am grateful. We prayed for this pregnancy & our baby like everyone else...but it still doesn't negate the fact that I'm human & making a baby is the hardest task EVER! And...I'm allowed to complain every now and again. It's healthy to let it out....

 

As far as the baby news goes....He's VERY active and we are both doing well. God is good. I had my 31 week appointment the other day. He's measuring right on target. I won't go back again until 35 weeks. We have 57 days left! Whoa! I think he's head down because I now feel his hiccups down low and kicks up high near my ribs. He loves to snuggle on my right side & moves constantly. He always reminds me that he's there. I love it & I'm enjoying the last few days with him in my womb.

 

Here are some pics from our baby shower. I think it turned out super cute. I tried to snap as many pics as I could before everyone showed up. I'm glad I did. I had to capture all the wonderful details that made our day so special. We received TONS of gifts! Like, we really don't need anything else because we are all set. I feel blessed beyond measure.

 

I hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

31 weeks! Letter to Baby N + Babyshower

My heart explodes with Love

Tomorrow I will officially be 31 weeks! Whooohoooooo! I honestly cannot believe we only have 64 days plus or minus until we welcome our baby boy. It's still surreal.

I went in for my 30 week appointment last week and everything looks great. Baby Boy's heartbeat was strong, my weight gain has slowed down {Thank GOD} and I passed my glucose test. My swelling has also decreased and I think it's because I've started drinking a lot more water. Next up I have been advised to get the whooping cough vaccine (Tdap) sometime between now and 36 weeks.

Our Baby shower is THIS Sunday!!! Holy crap! I'm so excited. I'm also thankful we decided to have it at 31 weeks because as the weeks progress I don't know if I will feel like being bothered with it all. Don't get me wrong...I'm thankful as ever BUT the thought of having to actually get dressed and put on real clothes and look presentable and be chipper and entertain folks....overwhelms me a bit. So at 31 weeks I'm still good with it all....anything further, Ummmmm not so much. lol

I will post pics and share that special day with my blogger family so be ready for a pic heavy post! :-)

Dear Son,

Well kiddo...we are almost at the end of our journey together. I tear up just writing that. No...I cry. My biggest sacrifice was giving you life. It's the most unselfish thing I've ever done and I thank you. Having you inside my body has taught me so much. I now know how to be and accept vulnerability, being fragile and being humble. You are truly a miracle. All I want to do is keep you safe. Inside of me you are protected from the world. But I know I will have to eventually expose you to life outside of the womb and sometimes that scares me.
I love you so much. I'm proud of myself and I pray you are proud of your MaMa as well. I did it Baby boy! I did something everyone thought I wouldn't....I made the decision to give you life. I knew it was YOU all along! I felt it from the moment you were conceived. My Son. My Baby Boy. I waited 36 years to carry & birth a baby...now I know it was 36 years of prepping my heart and mind to birth you. I hope you love your new family. You have a wonderful Mommy and Big Sister waiting for you here. We love you so much! We prayed and God sent you down from the clouds just to complete our little family. You are so wanted and so loved by so many people. Take all the time you need to cook because your Mama is going to cry a lot and be a little sad once you are no longer in her belly. I will be okay though.
We have about 2 months left of our special journey and I pray over you every day that we both come home from the hospital healthy. I hope you're ready for your birthday! I love you I love you I love you........I cry when I think of you being disconnected from the life-line we now share. You will be our Baby Boy....YOU are the beautiful 4th soul who will complete our set. Our Family created by Love.

Until we meet face to face,
MaMa

When things Change.....Plus Glucose test and Such!

I went for my much dreaded glucose test on April 12th. I had so much anxiety over keeping the liquid down. As I was registered, the lab tech handed me the bottle of liquid. I went straight to panic mode! Me: "Wait. Ummm Miss, can I have the orange flavor?" {EVERYONE told me this was the best flavor to stomach}....

Her: "We don't have that one here."

Me: *Look of Horror*

 

So...I had to suck it up, twist the cap...and down the fruit punch flavored drink. I totally expected the absolute worst! BUT......It was actually good! LOL! I was thirsty so that made it even better!

Me: "Oh okay this is GOOD!"

Lab Tech: "See don't judge a book by its cover!" lol

In the end...I waited the required hour and then got the blood draw. I received my results today and I passed with a wonderful score of 114!!!!! Thank God!

 

  

 

I've reached another milestone, 28 weeks! Well....I'm officially 28 weeks 5 days to be exact. Here is my bare belly. Thank you Lord! It's more rounded, solid and hard now. Still no stretch-marks. Yayyyy! {other than the ones I already had from losing weight}

I can remember posting about how "great" I was feeling and how sometimes I "forgot" that I was pregnant. Well, things have changed. Totally. I have learned to accept each new day for what it brings. I have my good days and then I have my not so good days. And that's okay. I know I've gained a ton of weight and groaning while doing anything that involves me moving has become common place. And that's okay. Things change and as my pregnancy progresses & I just have to accept that and deal. I keep everything in perspective and that helps me to get through. Oh, I can now see the baby moving around in my belly...totally weird and cool! He's so active. My wife said he's way more active in the womb than Baby C was. Keep on movin' son..it's gives your Mama peace & comfort! :-)

 

We have cleaned out the house (nesting times a million)...donated all unused & unwanted items, had our bathroom renovated, rearranged our bedroom, will have brand new windows installed in the next 3 weeks and completed our baby shower registry! Wheeew! These two mommies have been focused! The shower is set for May 4th, 2014.

 

That's all for now. Thanks for all the encouragement, advice, prayers, love & light sent during my journey. You all have NO idea how much it means to me. Congrats on all the BFP's for March and April! I'm so happy for you ladies. It's a blessing.

 

 

Mama C~

 

Whoa. 3rd TRIMESTER!!! Now I know.....

Days LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!


Today I officially entered the 3rd trimester. So thankful beyond words. So far, this has truly been the most humbling, emotional, sacrificial & rewarding journey I've ever experienced. I went from a self-sufficient, physical/strong, energetic woman.....to a woman who can't even put on shoes without groaning. A woman who can't lift more than 30lbs. A woman who is almost always out of breath and tired. I depend on my wife a lot these days and I honestly don't think I could have done this without her by my side.

I've learned so much about myself these past few months. I learned how to totally surrender control over life. While I'm still a work in progress in that area...getting pregnant & staying pregnant has taught me just how not in control we really are.

I have a human being living in my body. One who moves constantly and makes his presence known giving me comfort and peace. At this time, I have him all to myself. We share special moments that I don't have to share with anyone, including my wife. The thought of him being inside me and having him with me at all times during this precious journey brings me to tears every time I think about it.

I mean, I never actually thought I would go through with it. But I did...and there is no greater joy than growing a baby. I'm the only one who knows his every move right now. I'm the only one who knows when he has the hiccups. I'm the only one who knows when he doesn't like me in certain positions. ME! Right now it's just him & I and I will forever cherish these intimate precious moments. I can be selfish with him right now. I can play with him in my belly. I can talk to him. I know when I drink something cold he will respond. I can just love up on him from the inside and he is connected to my body and soul for the next 91 days, give or take. I know I will be glad to meet him & share him with my wife, his sister and the rest of the world....but truth be told, I'm cherishing these last few days & I will be sad when it's all over.

Now I know what my wife was talking about. Now it all makes sense. When she carried our daughter, they too shared these moments, just the two of them. She told me about how precious this time was for her and Baby C but I could never really understand what she meant until I traveled this road for myself. She always wanted me to carry. She would always say, " I just really want you to experience it all." Well, now I know and there are no words to describe just how thankful I am for her encouraging me to carry our 2nd child. Now I know. Now I know..........Thank you Sweetpea.

I'm scheduled to have my glucose test in the next week. Please send me positive energy, prayers & light that I pass with flying colors! Still praying for those BFP's for you ladies still waiting and congrats to all who have received theirs already!!

 

25 Weeks & Feeling Every Second Of It

We've reached viability!!! I'm 25 weeks today & I'm so thankful to be here. I do not take this amazing milestone for granted.

 

{Here's where I get transparent for a second}

 

I must admit, I'm slowing down. A lot. I feel very pregnant and it's really real now. My hips hurt. I now have to wear medical scrubs and a polo shirt to work because none of my clothes fit anymore, well my work clothes don't. I have a waddle. My face is filling out. My stomach is in my throat most days & it causes me extreme discomfort. I sometimes feel like my fatigue is coming back just a little. I can't help out at home or at work like I really want to because I get winded so easy and I don't want to put the baby in harms way by doing too much. It's harder to pick my daughter up now...I hate picking stuff up off the floor that I've dropped {it just takes so much effort}....I just feel BIGGER and SLOWER.

All while, when I tell people how far along I am, I get the...."Oh just WAIT, you ain't seen nothin' yet! You're gonna blow up and it's gonna get worse!"

 

SHUT THE F*^% UP!!!!!!!!!!! {Is what I want to say but instead I just smile and shake my head}

 

As a pregnant not-so-femme woman, being pregnant makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel like I'm delicate & fragile. I'm not used to feeling like this. I'm not used to LOOKING like this. I mean, I knew I would change, my body would morph....but I don't think you're ever really prepared for just how much you do change in so many ways. Sometimes I feel like crying when I think about just how different I am right now. Other days I'm not phased at all by it.

 

But............. I have to say, I would do it all over again to be exactly where I am. Pains & all. Fatness & all. I would do it again in a heartbeat for us to complete our family. Even with the discomfort and temporary pains {and it really is temporary}, I have an amazing wife who rubs my tired feet & takes awesome care of me, a baby growing inside of me who is healthy and very active, a great job where I can take it easy & take the day off if need be, a wonderful family support system who are so thrilled & excited about this little boy, friends who are just blessings all around to me and my family, a 1 year old precious daughter who gives me crazy kisses and is the joy of my life!! I can't complain with the many blessings surrounding me right now. I can be honest about how I'm feeling on a daily basis but I really can't complain. I'm blessed.

 

With each passing day...with each passing week...I don't for one second take for granted that this little boy is still safe & secure in my womb. I would deal with any amount of discomfort to keep HIM inside and safe. Period. As my wife often says, my only charge right now is to "bake this baby." Weight gain, pains, limited wardrobe etc....it's all for the greater good, our son.

My next goal is 28 weeks. The 3rd trimester.

 

Meditation

 

This journey is not a race.

Surrender the desire to want to control the path & final destination.

Just do what you can...& stay healthy.

 

 

 

 

Raising a SON in Baltimore....The City That Bleeds.

 

(This will not be my usual blog entry...I just need to write down my thoughts)

So, last night while watching the local news something internally registered that shook me up a bit. I mean, it hit me all of a sudden that once this baby comes out, he will be a male raised in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S.

Once he is released from my safe & secure womb he will be born in a city where young black males are killing each other daily. This is a scary thought. I not only have to protect him from the obvious pitfalls of being a kid growing up during this crazy time BUT I have to also be mindful that young black men account for most of our prison population, they are killing each other over their pride, they don't know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way & they are also the targets for stereotyping, hate crimes and many other ills.

 

Now, announcing... "It's A BOY" takes on a whole different meaning to me. I feel like our charge to raise young black men is something that goes far beyond the blue onesies and toy trucks. It's real!

 

So that leaves me to ponder: I was listening to the DL Hughley show and he uttered, "Your focus as a parent should be to protect your children at any and all costs." I agree. So, knowing that I live in a city where the odds are already stacked against my son does that give me the charge to move someplace where senseless violence isn't as prevalent? That "as" is so subjective. But crime happens everywhere, right? Is considering moving to the South (Atlanta, GA) opening up a whole new can of worry in terms of now having to protect my son from racist idiots & homophobic bigots? It's crazy man.....

 

I just want to give my kids the best life I can and protect them as best I can. I know shyt is gonna happen but I just want to minimize it. That may sound delusional but it's my truth. My wife stays home with our daughter. When our son is born he will follow....I just keep thinking about life after I give birth and everything has gone back to our normal. Once I no longer have this protruding belly and I'm back to my fitted-shirts, swim-trunks, wife-beaters & baseball caps.... internally I will feel like "me" again.

 

-Sidebar- No, I don't feel like "me" anymore on the inside or the outside because I'm not. This is new for me and with each week that goes by I have to re-adjust to a new me as the baby inside me grows. I'm a pregnant "not-so-femme" female. This has been a real adjustment for me.

...Wanna know how I know?

Because I went to my first women's college basketball game a few weeks ago and I felt self-conscious having a belly. I'm used to running up those College Park Rocky steps in my Ralph Lauren boots, loose fitted jeans, military style jacket & my baseball cap. But this time I had on the only real pair of black slacks that fit my belly comfortably, a sweater (with the belly protruding) and I was HELLA WINDED by the time I reached the top of those damn steps! Smh lol I felt kinda out of place. Especially since my female bestfriend was all "dommed out" makin' me feel like a preggo Beeioytch! lol

 

That's all I can do is laugh at this point. It's been a journey so far but I know I need to document it every step of the way & I wouldn't change it for the world. I also know after this experience I will never be the same. Something about carrying a child changes you and I already feel it. I'm thankful for this experience. But I'm also curious to see who I will become once I've given birth to a real life HUMAN.

 

Back on Topic:

So, I guess having a boy is really starting to sink-in mentally & emotionally for me. Will we end up moving? Will private schools be our only option? Will we raise sheltered kids that know nothing of what goes on in the city? ---We do live far enough from the main crust of the city where I can make that happen dammit! <Humor> In this day and age is minimizing the stuff your kids are exposed to with technology, other parents NOT parenting, youtub.e and social media even possible?! Just things I think about. I guess all we can do is pray. In the end that's all you really can do; Pray for them & cover them.