Where Do I Begin? *Updates* Pic {kinda}

Okay so....really, where the heck do I begin?! So much has happened I honestly don't know if anyone still follows my blog or if I can even do this blog any justice now that my TTC~babymaking~Birth journey is over.

I wasn't a "mommy blogger" before my journey started back in May of 2013. That's just not my thing. I've tried to update this blog several times since the birth of Baby Boy N but I just can't seem to find the words or the direction. My sole purpose for creating this blog was to help me thru that chapter of my life and to prayerfully help someone else. I pray I did. So now what? I guess I will start by at least trying to keep this short (considering it could potentially be a very LONG post) & just update on where we are as of today.

The Journey:

It was this time last year I was gearing up to get pregnant. My wife, Baby C and I were headed to our annual visit to Disney knowing we would start TTC right after we returned home. Crazy right?! Nothing has changed, well the TTC part has, but we are once again prepping for our annual Disney trip BUT we have an amazing 3 month old son tagging along. Yep, Baby Boy N is 3 months old.....but I'll get to that. It is bittersweet that our TTC days are all over and that was indeed a source of sadness for me after delivery. My wife and I both felt a sense of sadness that we would no longer be trying to get pregnant, ever. Let's face it, we spent two years of our life surrounded by TTC stuff and it had become a place of normalcy for us. But it's over now. We still have those conversations about what if we are crazy enough to do it just one more time but in my spirit I know we probably won't. Our set is complete with a son and a daughter and I just don't see us doing it again. And I'm okay with that.

Post Birth Experience:

This really could be a separate post all in itself but I think I'll just touch on it here. My labor was so easy and so uneventful and so quick annnnnnnd my son came 22 days early. Needless to say, these awesome things however were also the root and core of my post-partum baby blues. It was like, one minute I was pregnant, miserable, big belly and congested--then the next minute I had this 6lb 1oz baby in my arms and my boobs were hard as bricks~! It all came and went so fast. I didn't have time to mentally or emotionally deal with things. It all kinda just happened. Then it was, over. I was sad. I cried, a lot. I was happy, sad and super emotional. No...I was a HOT MESS! It took a few weeks for the emotions to level out. I felt robbed of my last 22 days of my son being in the womb. Robbed of a labor that was filled with time to process that I was about to have a baby. Robbed of my July baby. Robbed of my last 22 days of selfishness having my baby boy all to myself. Robbed of hitting 37 (I was two days shy of 37 weeks when I delivered), 38, 39 & 40  weeks of pregnancy.

But God had other plans...........and I'm okay with that, now.

Baby Boy N:

He is AMAZING! He's our happy baby. He smiles all the time!! He's adorable. He has a sweet calm spirit. He is finding his "voice" by cooing. He is a sleeper! Thank God for that! He is just a lovable kid and I thank God for sending him to us. He's 3 months old and getting so chunky. He's about 13ish lbs now. He was almost 12lbs at his 2 month visit. What can I say, he lights up our lives and we are just so blessed. He adores his big Sister and laughs at her allllll the time. lol We are so in love. My wife and I have two awesome kids. For that we give thanks. I love my wife. I love my kids.

For a Son we prayed and God said, "Yes. I'll send you the desires of your heart."

 

(We don't post full face shots of our kids online but here is sample pic of our Baby Boy N!)

So, again....I don't know if I will continue this blog. I may pop in from time to time to update major stuff but I'm not sure. I really have no blogger direction now that my journey is over. I admire those super cool mommy bloggers lol. But again.....it's just not my thing. Maybe I will find another purpose for this blog. You know, a shift in vision that will lead me to continue documenting my life. We shall see. Thank you all for following my journey. Thank you for helping ME get thru one of the scariest times of my life. This blog is so special to me and I'm just so thankful for the blogger friends I've made along the way.

 

For now, signing out - Mama C!

36 Weeks! The Nursery. & So, It turns into a monster?!

I'm 3 days shy of 36 weeks. Holy MOLY! 31 days until my due date. Yes, 31 days....

Shyt! Just. Got. REAL!

Well..it's been real for a long minute now but considering we found out we were pregnant when Sprouty was like 10mins old...{You know how us lesbians start POAS <peeing on a stick> as SOON as sperm meets egg lol}....But yeah, You get the point.

This baby. Has to come out of. ME. My Vagin.a or tummy cut. Like...He has to come out of my body one way or the other in 31 days, give or take........JESUS BE AN EPIDURAL!!!!!

Why am I so amped today you might be thinking...? Well let's just say I watched a BabyCenter birth video. Whyyyyyyyy did I do that?! I have to many thoughts....thoughts of, How the hell does "it" get SO big....I mean, I was traumatized by those huge lips.... the opening....Howwwwwwwww doesssssss that happen?!?

*Faints*

My wife had a c-section so I didn't experience the whole baby coming out thing.  They cut my babygirl out and I never saw what my wife's lady parts could do. I never saw it turn into a monster. Wait, I never saw her lady parts during the whole process now that I think about it. Mannnnn...it's mind-blowing how "it" can go from regular and cute to a BIG HUGE MONSTER!!!!!!! OMG!

*Faints.......again*

.......well, there's no turning back now and he has to come out. Lord be with me! My next OB appointment is on 06-10-14. I will have the GBS test done and maybe a cervical check. Fun. <sarcasm font>

On a brighter note, the nursery is done, our maternity photo-shoot is done & the bags are all packed. So we are officially on "just waiting for baby" watch. Yiipeee! Here are a few pics of our nursery. Baby Boy & His Big sister will be sharing a room. I can't WAIT for her to meet her little Brother. Ahhhhhhhh!

 

 

That's all for now.........pray for me ya'll :-)

33 Weeks...PLEASE let us see your face!

When I started this blog my intention was to document every week of my pregnancy. That hasn't happened. Well, I think I've done a decent job BUT I know I have left some events out simply because I've skipped some weeks. Now one day shy of 33 weeks I'm really going to try from here on out.

 

Tomorrow: We go in for our sneak peek ultrasound. I'm praying this little boy cooperates and we can see AND get clear 3D pics of his face. He has a history of being non-compliant so we shall see. Just my wife, Baby C and a few family members and best friends will be there. I'm excited and really looking forward to it. We did this when my wife was pregnant with Baby C and everyone seems to really appreciate the experience. Please Sprouty...show us your face!

 

Anxiety & Worry: I have to pray really hard that this feeling leaves. Now that I'm almost at the end, on the days when Baby Boy isn't as active I immediately semi-panic. Specifically, I stop what I'm doing and I only focus on making him move. I can't really relax until I feel him. My normal routine has been, I will NOT get out the bed in the morning and start my day until I feel him move. I literally lay there until I feel him. I was cool with that....but now that I know his "patterns" whenever I don't feel him during his normal times I worry.

Last night & this morning almost sent me into a panic. He HATES when I lay on my left side...so after being on that side for a decent amount of time & I didn't feel Baby thumps...I began to worry. It's not like a FULL out worry but more of a heightened, "Are you okay little baby?" Then this morning he wasn't as crazy as he usually is...so again, I wouldn't get up until I felt him. I'm guessing he's just tired from how active he was yesterday. And Boy was he ACTIVE! lol So I guess I just have to accept that he will have down days; Especially now that he's getting bigger and has less & less room in there. *sighs* Hurry up July 3rd {or whenever he's gonna come} because I feel like I'm back to the first trimester "worry" again. Ugh!

 

It's just that we love him so much and I want him OUT here and healthy.

 

But that's when my faith kicks in...

 

I just have to pray over my stomach, "God you knew him before you even placed him in my womb....and YOU can take care of him a lot better than I can. I love him God, you gave him to us and I cover him with your blood knowing no matter what...Thy will be done." ~Amen.

 

 

Meditation

 

I Surrender

Worry robs me of my joy so it has to go......

This journey was laid out for me long before I was born & I'm built for this last stretch........

God is Good.

 

 

32 weeks! Baby Shower Recap *Picture Heavy*

 

Well...I guess the beans of Baby Boy N's name has been spilled. lol Oh well.

 

First: Thanks so much for all the positive feedback on my last entry, the letter to my son. It was an emotional entry for me and that whole day was just full of tears of joy & thankfulness. Thank you all. I appreciate it.

-------------------------

 

Our shower was awesome! Honestly it was way more than we expected. It was such a blessing. I still can't believe I will be 32 weeks tomorrow and the shower has already come and gone. The theme of the shower & the nursery is Monster's Inc. We LOVE how it all came together. My best friend's, my wife's best friend and my family did everything for the shower. My wife's family bought enough clothes to last Baby Boy a lifetime. Again, we were so blessed.

 

Everyone really showed up & showed out for us and it was actually kinda bittersweet. I guess because this is the last time we will experience a shower. A new baby. Pregnancy. This part of our journey is all over for us. When the little guy arrives.....that's it. So while we are enjoying the last few weeks of pregnancy and nesting...we are also looking forward to our new life with two kids & no more pregnancies.

 

I get my wife back. My body back. Her body back *evil laugh* My Beer back. My physical abilities back. My energy back. ME BACKKKK! You get the picture.......

 

I did have a semi-meltdown this past weekend because I was just miserable. I've been suffering from pregnancy rhinitis since 18 weeks 1 day {basically congestion and I can't breathe without using nasal spray}, I get tired so quickly and I was just so overwhelmed. I felt bad about complaining because I know so many women want so badly to be in my shoes...I didn't want to sound ungrateful. I am grateful. We prayed for this pregnancy & our baby like everyone else...but it still doesn't negate the fact that I'm human & making a baby is the hardest task EVER! And...I'm allowed to complain every now and again. It's healthy to let it out....

 

As far as the baby news goes....He's VERY active and we are both doing well. God is good. I had my 31 week appointment the other day. He's measuring right on target. I won't go back again until 35 weeks. We have 57 days left! Whoa! I think he's head down because I now feel his hiccups down low and kicks up high near my ribs. He loves to snuggle on my right side & moves constantly. He always reminds me that he's there. I love it & I'm enjoying the last few days with him in my womb.

 

Here are some pics from our baby shower. I think it turned out super cute. I tried to snap as many pics as I could before everyone showed up. I'm glad I did. I had to capture all the wonderful details that made our day so special. We received TONS of gifts! Like, we really don't need anything else because we are all set. I feel blessed beyond measure.

 

I hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

Update: Anatomy Scan - Spine Views. I've reached 22 weeks!!!!!

Our Little "Thinker!"

 

 

--Hand under chin thinking about how super it's gonna be to have two mommies! ;-)

 

On Friday Feb. 7th, 2014 my wife & I went in for the much anticipated anatomy scan. I was hella nervous. I mean, THIS is the biggie. The scan where things not caught on earlier prenatal imaging & genetic testing can be detected. Before heading into the imaging center we just said a little prayer for our son. That's really all you can do.

 

Baby Boy "N" was rolled up into a complete ball! BUT with his legs crossed. At a certain point the tech told me to get up and move around in hopes to get him to stretch out a bit. Needless to say I did jumping-jacks, fake yoga etc in an attempt to get him to cooperate. Nadda! I'm so glad we weren't banking on the anatomy scan to find out the sex because we would have been disappointed. lol She did see "the money shot" at some point but it was for a quick few seconds. lol I was more concerned with his health. I prayed everything would be okay with him in terms of his organs, heart & overall health. That's all I really cared about forreal.

 

With the exception of his complete spine shots she did manage to get all the pictures & measurements she needed {Thank God}. So, we had to go back on Tuesday 02-27 for follow-up scans of his spine. Due to his position the first time the tech was unable to get all the structures of the spine she needed. The tech we had Tuesday seemed more seasoned and she was thorough! The follow-up appointment took longer than I expected. I consumed a bag of skittles and some sweet tea and praaaayed this little boy would cooperate! Laying sooo flat, WITH a full bladder, WITH aching HIPS, WITH her probing was painful! But...in the end she did manage to get every image she needed and afterwards congratulated us on our baby. Whewww! Thank God...again! It was wonderful to get another look at Sprouty! I could actually feel his kicks this time as she was scanning...it was kinda cool. He is measuring TWO WEEKS AHEAD! Yikes! I had the first scan full anatomy scan done at 19 weeks 1 day and he was measuring at 21 weeks! She didn't do dating measurments this time..she only focused on his spine, my fluid levels and my cervical length.

 

 

Here are some other cool pics of our little Sir:

 

 

FEET! lol

Halloween Frontal View! Boooooooo

Super Serious...Leave me alone Profile. lol

 

While my belly isn't that big yet....{At least I don't think so...lol} I feel so blessed to have made it to 22 weeks. I mean 22 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God is so GREAT! I do have to mention that I feel like I'm starting to slow down a bit. I take a little longer to do things I used to fly thru. It's an adjustment. My wife always tells me how great I'm doing...to be 6 months. -sidebar- The 6 months thingy depends on what calculation you use. lol Somedays I do feel like I'm doing well...other days I just take a deep sigh and say, "Lord give me STRENGTH!" lol We went thru all of Baby C's clothes and picked out all the gender neutral items for Sprouty. We have a nice little stash of sleepers, onesies, socks, bibs & equipment. My wife has also made a few cloth diapers for him too. YAY! We plan on doing our Babyshower registry in about 2 weeks. I want to wait until I'm 24 weeks to do that.

 

Update: My wife felt Baby N kick for the first time the morning I turned 21 weeks. It was so awesome for her to finally get to experience him from the outside. I think it becomes more real to everyone once you start feeling those kicks. I feel him all the time now and it does ease my mind. Some of his kicks are really low. Ouch! I don't think he likes when I prop up on my back or lay on my back...he kicks like crazy until I change positions. lol I just pray over my belly and tell him to stay PUT at least until the end of June.

 

That's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well & I'm still praying for those BFP's!

 

Meditation

 

God knows the end...just focus on being healthy.

Don't let worry steal your joy. Instead, Pray.

Don't get so caught up in the end result that you lose sight of the daily journey.

Raising a SON in Baltimore....The City That Bleeds.

 

(This will not be my usual blog entry...I just need to write down my thoughts)

So, last night while watching the local news something internally registered that shook me up a bit. I mean, it hit me all of a sudden that once this baby comes out, he will be a male raised in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S.

Once he is released from my safe & secure womb he will be born in a city where young black males are killing each other daily. This is a scary thought. I not only have to protect him from the obvious pitfalls of being a kid growing up during this crazy time BUT I have to also be mindful that young black men account for most of our prison population, they are killing each other over their pride, they don't know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way & they are also the targets for stereotyping, hate crimes and many other ills.

 

Now, announcing... "It's A BOY" takes on a whole different meaning to me. I feel like our charge to raise young black men is something that goes far beyond the blue onesies and toy trucks. It's real!

 

So that leaves me to ponder: I was listening to the DL Hughley show and he uttered, "Your focus as a parent should be to protect your children at any and all costs." I agree. So, knowing that I live in a city where the odds are already stacked against my son does that give me the charge to move someplace where senseless violence isn't as prevalent? That "as" is so subjective. But crime happens everywhere, right? Is considering moving to the South (Atlanta, GA) opening up a whole new can of worry in terms of now having to protect my son from racist idiots & homophobic bigots? It's crazy man.....

 

I just want to give my kids the best life I can and protect them as best I can. I know shyt is gonna happen but I just want to minimize it. That may sound delusional but it's my truth. My wife stays home with our daughter. When our son is born he will follow....I just keep thinking about life after I give birth and everything has gone back to our normal. Once I no longer have this protruding belly and I'm back to my fitted-shirts, swim-trunks, wife-beaters & baseball caps.... internally I will feel like "me" again.

 

-Sidebar- No, I don't feel like "me" anymore on the inside or the outside because I'm not. This is new for me and with each week that goes by I have to re-adjust to a new me as the baby inside me grows. I'm a pregnant "not-so-femme" female. This has been a real adjustment for me.

...Wanna know how I know?

Because I went to my first women's college basketball game a few weeks ago and I felt self-conscious having a belly. I'm used to running up those College Park Rocky steps in my Ralph Lauren boots, loose fitted jeans, military style jacket & my baseball cap. But this time I had on the only real pair of black slacks that fit my belly comfortably, a sweater (with the belly protruding) and I was HELLA WINDED by the time I reached the top of those damn steps! Smh lol I felt kinda out of place. Especially since my female bestfriend was all "dommed out" makin' me feel like a preggo Beeioytch! lol

 

That's all I can do is laugh at this point. It's been a journey so far but I know I need to document it every step of the way & I wouldn't change it for the world. I also know after this experience I will never be the same. Something about carrying a child changes you and I already feel it. I'm thankful for this experience. But I'm also curious to see who I will become once I've given birth to a real life HUMAN.

 

Back on Topic:

So, I guess having a boy is really starting to sink-in mentally & emotionally for me. Will we end up moving? Will private schools be our only option? Will we raise sheltered kids that know nothing of what goes on in the city? ---We do live far enough from the main crust of the city where I can make that happen dammit! <Humor> In this day and age is minimizing the stuff your kids are exposed to with technology, other parents NOT parenting, youtub.e and social media even possible?! Just things I think about. I guess all we can do is pray. In the end that's all you really can do; Pray for them & cover them.

Gender Reveal *LOTS of pictures* IT'S A ...........!!!!

 

 

 

 

(This will be a picture heavy Post so I hope you enjoy!)........ 

 

 IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

I'm so excited and thankful! We are blessed to finally have a SON! As you all know, I've said from the very beginning that I felt this was a little boy. While I was unsure at times based on some of my cravings (oranges) I just kinda internally knew this was a boy. My wife & I are just so thankful and excited about welcoming our little Prince into the family. We know just how blessed we are to have one of each. This is a picture from our elective gender ultrasound.

 

For those of you who have followed my blog...the u/s did in fact MATCH the results of the Maternit21 genetics test done at 11 weeks 1 day. lol So my results were indeed accurate. I'm still happy we decided to have the u/s anyway..........

 

-SideBar- My aunt thought the HUGE looking leg was his "weeter." lol MA'AM!!!!!............Needless to say I told her his "weeter" is actually the little thingy underneath with the word "boy" under it. lol Forgive her ya'll she hasn't seen an ultrasound in moons so she gets a pass. Smh

 

 

 

So, in July we will welcome Baby Boy "N" and our family will be complete. Four will indeed complete our set. We love him so much already and can't wait to meet him. Here are a few other pics from the elective gender scan we had 3 days before the party.....

 

 

Baby Boy "N" (Formerly known as Sprouty) with the cord hanging on the side of his face and his legs up.

 

 

Sprouty with his hand covering his face......Awwwww! lol

Now for our Gender Reveal Party!

 

We cut up two bags of confetti..one pink & one blue. We sent both bags along with a sealed envelop that contained the genetics test results (which indicated the sex of the baby) and the potty shot from the elective ultrasound. We instructed the "balloon lady" (Ms. Liz) at Party City to open the envelope and fill our balloon with the confetti that matched the sex.... and to throw the other bag away. I could tell she was excited. She told me that her sister had recently did a gender reveal via youtub.e for their family.

Confetti & Gender Reveal Balloons! (Sorry this is so grainy) My wife and I each had pins in our hands ready to POP the all black balloon which contained the confetti. My wife is actually holding Baby C in her arms and I'm on the other side in the black sweater and white shirt. Again...sorry this pic is so blurry. It was taken from a screen shot of a video. But at least you get the visual....

 

 

 

"He or She...What Will It BEE!?" We used the chalkboard from our daycare room and put this decorative poster on it. We simply cut out polka-dot paper squares & little bees, attached some ribbon and 'BOOM' Cool Gender Reveal sign.

Then, at our home, in front of about 40+ family members and close friends we shared our very special moment after dinner. We POPPED the ballon & the floor was covered with BLUE confetti!!!!!! Everyone began to scream and cheer SO LOUDLY I could hear my ears ringing! Needless to say, I LOST it! I started jumping up & down and crying with my hands covering my face!!

In that moment, I was positive of one thing, God really does give us the desires of our hearts when it is according to His Will. In that moment, I felt like I had given my wife something that no one else ever could, a son. In that moment, I felt joy, love and full of gratitude. I am making my daughter a big sister! I will be blessed to raise a daughter and a son. I'm just so thankful.............

 

Here are a few other pictures from our reveal.

 

 My wife made these AHMAZING Cupcakes (from scratch) with cream cheese icing. They were EVERYTHING! Damn I married well! ;-)
We cut out little circles from poster board and glued little "bees" on them as our cupcake accents. Thanks to Pinterest, we were able to make all of our decorations! It came together really nicely I think. I know my wife was impressed with my crafting skilllzzz! Ha!

 

<----We made these little bags & filled them with Life Saver mints for our guests. They each read, "What Will It Bee?" & "Thank you?"

 

<--------We also made this little center-piece (which is actually a picture holder)...it listed my symptoms, cravings & a picture of Baby Boy N. It was really kinda cool how it all came together with such little money spent on the decorations. We just used our creative minds & put our crafting to work! It's funny because I hardly had any real symptoms per se. So, I think once we started looking at the stmptoms & "old wives tales" - How I was carying, low....no morning sickness, good mood, dreams and chinese lunar chart...I think we all kinda knew it would be a boy.

 

                                            

 

 

 

This picture is the recap. As you can see we had a blast! I'm so thankful we didn't find out sprouty's se.x until the party. There were a couple of "close calls" where the beans were almost spilled before our party but I'm so glad everything turned out perfect!

 

In the end #TEAMBOY came out victorious. I think only 3-4 people pegged me to be carrying a girl. EVERYONE at the party was #TEAMBOY except 2 oddballs. Teeeheee.

 

About Me Update:

 

 I started feeling Sprouty move around at 17 weeks 3 days and I'm feeling him more now. No real kicks, just rolling & flutters. That was exactly THREE days after my post about "movement." lol....I also started to suffer from extreme nasal congestion at 18 weeks 3 days and it lasted for about 3 days. Come to find out I had rhinitis of pregnancy, which is common, and I was miserable! One of my wonderful FCL group members told me about a product that was literally a miracle! I was so thankful to be able to breathe thru my nose again, I actually told her, " I LOVE YOU!" Hahahaha! I was SUFFERING ya'll! I'm so appreciative when folks share valuable information so I feel I MUST do the same for someone else.....So if you're reading this and you're also suffering from unbearable congestion due to pregnancy hormones...go get some Vicks 'Sinex' 12 hour decongestant ultra fine mist! You will be so glad you did!!!  It saved me and I could finally breathe thru my nose and SLEEP again!

 

We go in for my anatomy scan tomorrow...I will be 19 weeks 1 day. I cannot wait!! My wife & I are just so excited to see him again! So, I would really appreciate LOTS of prayers, love, light & positive energy for our little guy that he passes with flying colors.

 

Thanks so much for following my journey thus far. It does mean a lot.

 

Be Peace.