Where Do I Begin? *Updates* Pic {kinda}

Okay so....really, where the heck do I begin?! So much has happened I honestly don't know if anyone still follows my blog or if I can even do this blog any justice now that my TTC~babymaking~Birth journey is over.

I wasn't a "mommy blogger" before my journey started back in May of 2013. That's just not my thing. I've tried to update this blog several times since the birth of Baby Boy N but I just can't seem to find the words or the direction. My sole purpose for creating this blog was to help me thru that chapter of my life and to prayerfully help someone else. I pray I did. So now what? I guess I will start by at least trying to keep this short (considering it could potentially be a very LONG post) & just update on where we are as of today.

The Journey:

It was this time last year I was gearing up to get pregnant. My wife, Baby C and I were headed to our annual visit to Disney knowing we would start TTC right after we returned home. Crazy right?! Nothing has changed, well the TTC part has, but we are once again prepping for our annual Disney trip BUT we have an amazing 3 month old son tagging along. Yep, Baby Boy N is 3 months old.....but I'll get to that. It is bittersweet that our TTC days are all over and that was indeed a source of sadness for me after delivery. My wife and I both felt a sense of sadness that we would no longer be trying to get pregnant, ever. Let's face it, we spent two years of our life surrounded by TTC stuff and it had become a place of normalcy for us. But it's over now. We still have those conversations about what if we are crazy enough to do it just one more time but in my spirit I know we probably won't. Our set is complete with a son and a daughter and I just don't see us doing it again. And I'm okay with that.

Post Birth Experience:

This really could be a separate post all in itself but I think I'll just touch on it here. My labor was so easy and so uneventful and so quick annnnnnnd my son came 22 days early. Needless to say, these awesome things however were also the root and core of my post-partum baby blues. It was like, one minute I was pregnant, miserable, big belly and congested--then the next minute I had this 6lb 1oz baby in my arms and my boobs were hard as bricks~! It all came and went so fast. I didn't have time to mentally or emotionally deal with things. It all kinda just happened. Then it was, over. I was sad. I cried, a lot. I was happy, sad and super emotional. No...I was a HOT MESS! It took a few weeks for the emotions to level out. I felt robbed of my last 22 days of my son being in the womb. Robbed of a labor that was filled with time to process that I was about to have a baby. Robbed of my July baby. Robbed of my last 22 days of selfishness having my baby boy all to myself. Robbed of hitting 37 (I was two days shy of 37 weeks when I delivered), 38, 39 & 40  weeks of pregnancy.

But God had other plans...........and I'm okay with that, now.

Baby Boy N:

He is AMAZING! He's our happy baby. He smiles all the time!! He's adorable. He has a sweet calm spirit. He is finding his "voice" by cooing. He is a sleeper! Thank God for that! He is just a lovable kid and I thank God for sending him to us. He's 3 months old and getting so chunky. He's about 13ish lbs now. He was almost 12lbs at his 2 month visit. What can I say, he lights up our lives and we are just so blessed. He adores his big Sister and laughs at her allllll the time. lol We are so in love. My wife and I have two awesome kids. For that we give thanks. I love my wife. I love my kids.

For a Son we prayed and God said, "Yes. I'll send you the desires of your heart."

 

(We don't post full face shots of our kids online but here is sample pic of our Baby Boy N!)

So, again....I don't know if I will continue this blog. I may pop in from time to time to update major stuff but I'm not sure. I really have no blogger direction now that my journey is over. I admire those super cool mommy bloggers lol. But again.....it's just not my thing. Maybe I will find another purpose for this blog. You know, a shift in vision that will lead me to continue documenting my life. We shall see. Thank you all for following my journey. Thank you for helping ME get thru one of the scariest times of my life. This blog is so special to me and I'm just so thankful for the blogger friends I've made along the way.

 

For now, signing out - Mama C!

Birth Story....Welcoming Our Baby Boy

Today is July 3rd. It was my due date. The day I fantasized over since we got our BFP.

July 3rd, 2014.

I think it's only fitting that I post my birth story today and take some time out to reflect on the most amazing journey of my life. Today our son is 3 weeks old. 

Let me take you back.......................

June 9th, 2014 {36 weeks 4 days / 23 days until my due date) I went to work as usual and like other days I felt so miserable. I could hardly breathe from the pregnancy congestion and there was so much pressure down below. But the difference today was I knew I would be off on 06-10-14 for a routine OB appointment. I was scheduled to have my Group B Strep test done (GBS) and to maybe have a cervical check. I went back and forth about the cervical check and decided I would decline it when I went in. My OB appointment was scheduled for the 10th at 10:15am. When I came home from work I lounged around the house and even bought brownies for my wife to fix. I did notice that simply getting in and out of the car was beginning to be very uncomfortable for me so I also decided that my last day at work would be 06-19-14....that would put me at 38 weeks. My plan was to work until then and take 2 weeks for myself to rest up and get off of my feet for the remainder of my pregnancy. 

"When we are busy making plans.....God laughs."

Later that evening I pulled the hospital bag out and just randomly went through it to make sure we had everything. I now know that was divine intervention.

My wife and I did some stretching before bedtime. My body was so sore and my hips hurt like hell so stretching did provide me a little relief. I thought I heard a "pop" sound while on the floor but nothing happened. We went to bed.

At 12:34am on June 10th, 2014 I woke up from my sleep feeling like I was peeing on myself. I jumped up to try to make it to the bathroom. I figured I had a dream of being in the bathroom and just had an accident. Then I thought maybe Baby Boy N hit my bladder in the right spot and that caused me to pee! As I stood up to go to the bathroom...the fluid just kept pouring. I just stood there and yelled, "Baby I think my water just broke!" My wife jumped up and walked around to my side of the bed. She said, "Baby that's NOT pee...it's not yellow!" lol I then attempted to walk to the bathroom. The fluid was still coming. When we both got to the bathroom and I sat on the toilet, it stopped. So at that point I knew for sure it was just me peeing on myself. I wiped and there was no bloody show....no thick mucus. Just the slippery clear kinda discharge. It looked like "I had a major orgasm" kinda slippery clear discharge. lol I should say that I think I started losing my plug the week before...but it was coming out in small pieces. I had one glob that was kinda weird but nothing that stood out as OMG!

My wife called the on-call OB and told her what was happening. They advised that I could come in at any time. After going back and forth with my wife about going in I decided to go back to sleep. lol Again, I just knew it was just pee. I put a towel between my legs and laid back down in bed. At 1:40am my wife asked was I still leaking. I told her yes but I thought it was again.....pee. lol Let me explain, when you get to the end and you're having to go to the bathroom every 10 minutes it's quite possible to pee on yourself...a lot! I laid there for about 5mins and sat back up in bed. Something inside of me said, "go to the hospital." I figured, if it is just pee let them tell me and then send me home. I also considered just waiting until my 10:15am appointment THAT DAY to be seen! lol I just knew I would be coming back home..........

As my wife sprung to get Baby C together and put the bags in the car I sat on the side of the bed and prayed. Same prayer I prayed just before our first insemination...."Lord, Thy Will be done." In that moment Our lives had come full circle. I also prayed that if this was truly it...that He would protect Baby Boy N and I and keep us both healthy and safe. 

I was having no pains. No nothing...and as we walked out the house I laughed to myself and thought, "I will be back home soon." My plan was to come back home and tell my OB all about my ordeal at my appointment later that morning.

"When we are busy making plans.....God laughs."

We arrive at Labor & Delivery around 2:15-30am. We were laughing and joking the entire time. Just me, my wife and Baby C. We were checked in and when the registration clerk asked why I was there I replied, "I think I pee'd on myself or my water broke...I'm not sure." She laughed and said, "Most of the women who come in saying they are totally sure their water broke end up going back home...and all of the women who think they pee'd on themselves end up staying." LOL I thought...Yeah right.

Still having Zero pain and in a chipper mood. 

They call us to the back for triage & this was the moment of truth. It's around 2:45am at this point. 

The Doctor comes in and asks me a bunch of questions. She then tells me I have to get a cervical check to see if it was in fact my water that broke. My wife sees the look of panic on my face and immediately says, "she had a bad experience with a cervical check that caused her to bleed." The Doctor comforted me and said she would use the smallest speculum they had. My wife can be gangsta when need be! God I love her..lol She stepped in like a BOSS! :-) I braced myself for the check but Before she could even get the speculum in....more fluid gushed out and she was like, "Yep...your water broke I don't need to test!" She then told me she would check to see if there was any dilation. I saw the look on her face and I knew something was up! She shouted, "How long have you been having contractions??" I told her I didn't think I was having any because I was in NO PAIN! She asked how far dilated I was at my last OB appointment? I told her I had never been checked because my appointment was TODAY! All I remember is her saying, "Well you are 4-5cm DILATED already!" WTF!!!!! Then the room was an active L&D site! lol Nurses came from everywhere and I was asked even more questions. My wife started calling our moms and I was just laying there thinking, " Ohhhmyyyygawd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" 

They wheeled me into my L&D room. At this point it was around 3am.  I immediately asked for the epidural! I was still in NO pain but I wasn't taking any damn chances! lol They also gave me antibiotics to be sure since I never made it to my GBS test. Well, after being in the room for about 5mins I began to feel pressure. I got the epidural around 3:30am. The nurse stayed with me while it was being administered because my wife had to step into the hallway with Baby C because our moms had not arrived yet. The Epidural wasn't that bad at all. 

Within minutes our moms walked into the room and I was starting to feel more pressure but I was also starting to feel the Epi kick in. Then the pressure really got to the point where I had to breathe thru it. I finally found out what contractions felt like. I asked the nurse if I could get more Epi juice but she wanted to check me first. My mom was on my left and my wife was to my right. My wife's mom was holding Baby C on the sofa playing with the ipad. 

When the nurse checked me I closed my eyes for a few seconds to brace for the possible pain....when I opened my eyes I asked her how much I progressed? She said, "YOU'RE 10CM!!" I thought, "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!!???? OMG OMG! My wife said she mouthed to her "he's right there!" Everyone was so shocked that I progressed that fast! The nurses were like, "Your body is a pro at birth and this baby is ready!" I asked if my OB would make it in time to deliver and they told me flat out, "hellll no!" lol Well, they didn't say hell but basically there was no way she would make it in time at the rate things were going. If I hadn't made the decision to go to the hospital I would have been delivering our son at home. This is a fact. Thank God we went when we did. At this point it was around 5am. 

We all screamed and I think I started to cry. Well, yeah I did. I was scared, nervous, excited and shocked all at the same time. My mom was so helpful and supportive. She surprised me. She was rubbing my face with a cold towel, rubbing my arms and telling me to breathe. I thought she wouldn't be able to handle the birth but she really surprised me. I've never felt more close to her than in that moment. My wife was a trooper and also did an amazing job keeping me calm. I just remember thinking how I wanted to make her proud of me. She was such a solider with the birth of our daughter....I just wanted to make her proud. 

This was it! We were about to meet our son! The child we prayed so hard for! 22 days early!!!!!

I pushed 7 times and Baby Boy N came into the world at 5:17am on June 10th, 2014 weighing 6lbs 1oz and 19inches. I cried so hard. I did it! I did it!! Praise GOD! I did what people said I wouldn't do. I carried a child and I pushed him out. I endured the pregnancy! I endured being miserable! I DID it!!!! I was so proud of myself in that moment. I remember just wanting to hold him and smell him! As they cleaned him off I had to get a few stitches. I will forever remember that first moment of skin-to-skin with our son and him rubbing his little fingers on my chest. My mom was so happy. My wife cried. My mother-in-law got to see her first grand-child born and my daughter got to see her baby brother come into the world. So many were blessed by his birth.

I prayed for a pain free easy labor.....and that's what I had. I only labored for 2 hours. There were no complications. Baby Boy N required no NICU time despite coming at 36 weeks 5 days. 22 days early. 2 days shy of full-term. My pregnancy was textbook & uneventful. I prayed for no morning sickness...I had none. I got pregnant on the first try. I prayed for a Boy and we now have our son. God. IS. Amazing. 

To Be Continued..............{The After-Birth Experience}

Countdown Journal - Day 36

New Ailment - Pregnancy Carpal Tunnel
Old Ailment - Pregnancy Congestion

36 Days til Due Date.


Over the weekend I noticed my right hand was falling asleep. Well, just three fingers on my right hand, my thumb...ring finger & index. It was especially bad when I slept on my right side. Then I noticed, it can't just be a matter of "falling asleep" because they are always numb and tingly! Even when I know my hand is in a position where it's getting blood flow.

I went in for my 35 week appointment yesterday and mentioned it to my OB {after my wife told me she experienced it too and she already diagnosed me lol} & she says it's pregnancy carpal tunnel caused by the extra fluid. Ugh! Add yet another chronic "the only cure is delivery" ailment to my list, along with the pregnancy rhinitis (congestion). Just wonderful <sarcasm font>. My wife let me use one of her braces and that did help last night. I washed my hair this morning and my fingers were numb making it difficult.

Baby Boy N is still really active. He's moving around a lot but I can tell he's much bigger and probably running out of space. I feel his hiccups down reallllly low. I'm praying he stays in position and doesn't flip around. My OB scheduled me for my GBS test for 06-10-14. She will also do an internal check and give me an order for an ultrasound to check his weight.

In 15 days he will be full term. I just can't wrap my head around that! FIFTEEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm feeling tired and ready to have him. The congestion is really starting to beat me down these days. Sometimes I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen. It hurts to get up, get in the car, get out the car, sit up.........basically anything that involves movement of any kind. My feet hurt, my ankles hurt from all the extra weight. I can't walk far or do anything too strenuous. I'm just tired. Thank GOD above for my wife...she's been a true blessing during this journey. She rubs my feet and always asks if there's anything she can do to help me. Thank you Lord for her. I've fought a good fight...while I want him to be a healthy baby needing no medical assistance after birth....I've had enough of pregnancy and I'm ready to meet him.

 

Dear Baby Boy:

 

After June 12th , 2014 you will be fully baked. So, feel free to come anytime after that.

 

Thanks,

Mama

Raising a SON in Baltimore....The City That Bleeds.

 

(This will not be my usual blog entry...I just need to write down my thoughts)

So, last night while watching the local news something internally registered that shook me up a bit. I mean, it hit me all of a sudden that once this baby comes out, he will be a male raised in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S.

Once he is released from my safe & secure womb he will be born in a city where young black males are killing each other daily. This is a scary thought. I not only have to protect him from the obvious pitfalls of being a kid growing up during this crazy time BUT I have to also be mindful that young black men account for most of our prison population, they are killing each other over their pride, they don't know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way & they are also the targets for stereotyping, hate crimes and many other ills.

 

Now, announcing... "It's A BOY" takes on a whole different meaning to me. I feel like our charge to raise young black men is something that goes far beyond the blue onesies and toy trucks. It's real!

 

So that leaves me to ponder: I was listening to the DL Hughley show and he uttered, "Your focus as a parent should be to protect your children at any and all costs." I agree. So, knowing that I live in a city where the odds are already stacked against my son does that give me the charge to move someplace where senseless violence isn't as prevalent? That "as" is so subjective. But crime happens everywhere, right? Is considering moving to the South (Atlanta, GA) opening up a whole new can of worry in terms of now having to protect my son from racist idiots & homophobic bigots? It's crazy man.....

 

I just want to give my kids the best life I can and protect them as best I can. I know shyt is gonna happen but I just want to minimize it. That may sound delusional but it's my truth. My wife stays home with our daughter. When our son is born he will follow....I just keep thinking about life after I give birth and everything has gone back to our normal. Once I no longer have this protruding belly and I'm back to my fitted-shirts, swim-trunks, wife-beaters & baseball caps.... internally I will feel like "me" again.

 

-Sidebar- No, I don't feel like "me" anymore on the inside or the outside because I'm not. This is new for me and with each week that goes by I have to re-adjust to a new me as the baby inside me grows. I'm a pregnant "not-so-femme" female. This has been a real adjustment for me.

...Wanna know how I know?

Because I went to my first women's college basketball game a few weeks ago and I felt self-conscious having a belly. I'm used to running up those College Park Rocky steps in my Ralph Lauren boots, loose fitted jeans, military style jacket & my baseball cap. But this time I had on the only real pair of black slacks that fit my belly comfortably, a sweater (with the belly protruding) and I was HELLA WINDED by the time I reached the top of those damn steps! Smh lol I felt kinda out of place. Especially since my female bestfriend was all "dommed out" makin' me feel like a preggo Beeioytch! lol

 

That's all I can do is laugh at this point. It's been a journey so far but I know I need to document it every step of the way & I wouldn't change it for the world. I also know after this experience I will never be the same. Something about carrying a child changes you and I already feel it. I'm thankful for this experience. But I'm also curious to see who I will become once I've given birth to a real life HUMAN.

 

Back on Topic:

So, I guess having a boy is really starting to sink-in mentally & emotionally for me. Will we end up moving? Will private schools be our only option? Will we raise sheltered kids that know nothing of what goes on in the city? ---We do live far enough from the main crust of the city where I can make that happen dammit! <Humor> In this day and age is minimizing the stuff your kids are exposed to with technology, other parents NOT parenting, youtub.e and social media even possible?! Just things I think about. I guess all we can do is pray. In the end that's all you really can do; Pray for them & cover them.