Where Do I Begin? *Updates* Pic {kinda}

Okay so....really, where the heck do I begin?! So much has happened I honestly don't know if anyone still follows my blog or if I can even do this blog any justice now that my TTC~babymaking~Birth journey is over.

I wasn't a "mommy blogger" before my journey started back in May of 2013. That's just not my thing. I've tried to update this blog several times since the birth of Baby Boy N but I just can't seem to find the words or the direction. My sole purpose for creating this blog was to help me thru that chapter of my life and to prayerfully help someone else. I pray I did. So now what? I guess I will start by at least trying to keep this short (considering it could potentially be a very LONG post) & just update on where we are as of today.

The Journey:

It was this time last year I was gearing up to get pregnant. My wife, Baby C and I were headed to our annual visit to Disney knowing we would start TTC right after we returned home. Crazy right?! Nothing has changed, well the TTC part has, but we are once again prepping for our annual Disney trip BUT we have an amazing 3 month old son tagging along. Yep, Baby Boy N is 3 months old.....but I'll get to that. It is bittersweet that our TTC days are all over and that was indeed a source of sadness for me after delivery. My wife and I both felt a sense of sadness that we would no longer be trying to get pregnant, ever. Let's face it, we spent two years of our life surrounded by TTC stuff and it had become a place of normalcy for us. But it's over now. We still have those conversations about what if we are crazy enough to do it just one more time but in my spirit I know we probably won't. Our set is complete with a son and a daughter and I just don't see us doing it again. And I'm okay with that.

Post Birth Experience:

This really could be a separate post all in itself but I think I'll just touch on it here. My labor was so easy and so uneventful and so quick annnnnnnd my son came 22 days early. Needless to say, these awesome things however were also the root and core of my post-partum baby blues. It was like, one minute I was pregnant, miserable, big belly and congested--then the next minute I had this 6lb 1oz baby in my arms and my boobs were hard as bricks~! It all came and went so fast. I didn't have time to mentally or emotionally deal with things. It all kinda just happened. Then it was, over. I was sad. I cried, a lot. I was happy, sad and super emotional. No...I was a HOT MESS! It took a few weeks for the emotions to level out. I felt robbed of my last 22 days of my son being in the womb. Robbed of a labor that was filled with time to process that I was about to have a baby. Robbed of my July baby. Robbed of my last 22 days of selfishness having my baby boy all to myself. Robbed of hitting 37 (I was two days shy of 37 weeks when I delivered), 38, 39 & 40  weeks of pregnancy.

But God had other plans...........and I'm okay with that, now.

Baby Boy N:

He is AMAZING! He's our happy baby. He smiles all the time!! He's adorable. He has a sweet calm spirit. He is finding his "voice" by cooing. He is a sleeper! Thank God for that! He is just a lovable kid and I thank God for sending him to us. He's 3 months old and getting so chunky. He's about 13ish lbs now. He was almost 12lbs at his 2 month visit. What can I say, he lights up our lives and we are just so blessed. He adores his big Sister and laughs at her allllll the time. lol We are so in love. My wife and I have two awesome kids. For that we give thanks. I love my wife. I love my kids.

For a Son we prayed and God said, "Yes. I'll send you the desires of your heart."

 

(We don't post full face shots of our kids online but here is sample pic of our Baby Boy N!)

So, again....I don't know if I will continue this blog. I may pop in from time to time to update major stuff but I'm not sure. I really have no blogger direction now that my journey is over. I admire those super cool mommy bloggers lol. But again.....it's just not my thing. Maybe I will find another purpose for this blog. You know, a shift in vision that will lead me to continue documenting my life. We shall see. Thank you all for following my journey. Thank you for helping ME get thru one of the scariest times of my life. This blog is so special to me and I'm just so thankful for the blogger friends I've made along the way.

 

For now, signing out - Mama C!

36 Weeks! The Nursery. & So, It turns into a monster?!

I'm 3 days shy of 36 weeks. Holy MOLY! 31 days until my due date. Yes, 31 days....

Shyt! Just. Got. REAL!

Well..it's been real for a long minute now but considering we found out we were pregnant when Sprouty was like 10mins old...{You know how us lesbians start POAS <peeing on a stick> as SOON as sperm meets egg lol}....But yeah, You get the point.

This baby. Has to come out of. ME. My Vagin.a or tummy cut. Like...He has to come out of my body one way or the other in 31 days, give or take........JESUS BE AN EPIDURAL!!!!!

Why am I so amped today you might be thinking...? Well let's just say I watched a BabyCenter birth video. Whyyyyyyyy did I do that?! I have to many thoughts....thoughts of, How the hell does "it" get SO big....I mean, I was traumatized by those huge lips.... the opening....Howwwwwwwww doesssssss that happen?!?

*Faints*

My wife had a c-section so I didn't experience the whole baby coming out thing.  They cut my babygirl out and I never saw what my wife's lady parts could do. I never saw it turn into a monster. Wait, I never saw her lady parts during the whole process now that I think about it. Mannnnn...it's mind-blowing how "it" can go from regular and cute to a BIG HUGE MONSTER!!!!!!! OMG!

*Faints.......again*

.......well, there's no turning back now and he has to come out. Lord be with me! My next OB appointment is on 06-10-14. I will have the GBS test done and maybe a cervical check. Fun. <sarcasm font>

On a brighter note, the nursery is done, our maternity photo-shoot is done & the bags are all packed. So we are officially on "just waiting for baby" watch. Yiipeee! Here are a few pics of our nursery. Baby Boy & His Big sister will be sharing a room. I can't WAIT for her to meet her little Brother. Ahhhhhhhh!

 

 

That's all for now.........pray for me ya'll :-)

Countdown Journal - Day 44

I decided to document these last few days because I want to attempt to capture as much of this journey as I can.

 

The previous posts have been more about me sharing with others but my countdown journal will be more about me documenting what's happening in my body & progress til the big day! Therefore, the only way folks will even know that I've posted these is to check in. I will not be sharing these via my usual sources.

 

 

Day 44:

 

I've had horrible gas today! For the past two days my stomach has been feeling kinda weird. Not like pain but just weird. I had several braxton hicks contractions the other night. They weren't painful but a few times I had to hold my breath just a little. Baby Boy is down reallllly low. So much so when he moves I feel it not only in my lower belly but on top of my thighs. lol Yeah, my stomach is resting on my damn thighs when I sit down. Smh....lol

 

I told my wife I don't think he's gonna hold out until our due date (07-03). I think he's gonna come sometime between now and 38 weeks. I'm praying he stays put until at least full-term which is 06-12 (37 weeks). I will be 34 weeks this Thursday. We are praying for a Cancer sign but I'm thinking he just might be a Gemini. Please hold out til after 06-22nd little baby! lol BUT....I know your birthday has already been determined so it's all good. We love you so much already.

 

We still need to finish the letters for the nursery, finish packing my lounge clothes in the hospital bag and finish cleaning the nursery. The carseat is already installed, the double stroller is already put together, our birth plan is already in place. So I guess we are all set for now.

33 Weeks...PLEASE let us see your face!

When I started this blog my intention was to document every week of my pregnancy. That hasn't happened. Well, I think I've done a decent job BUT I know I have left some events out simply because I've skipped some weeks. Now one day shy of 33 weeks I'm really going to try from here on out.

 

Tomorrow: We go in for our sneak peek ultrasound. I'm praying this little boy cooperates and we can see AND get clear 3D pics of his face. He has a history of being non-compliant so we shall see. Just my wife, Baby C and a few family members and best friends will be there. I'm excited and really looking forward to it. We did this when my wife was pregnant with Baby C and everyone seems to really appreciate the experience. Please Sprouty...show us your face!

 

Anxiety & Worry: I have to pray really hard that this feeling leaves. Now that I'm almost at the end, on the days when Baby Boy isn't as active I immediately semi-panic. Specifically, I stop what I'm doing and I only focus on making him move. I can't really relax until I feel him. My normal routine has been, I will NOT get out the bed in the morning and start my day until I feel him move. I literally lay there until I feel him. I was cool with that....but now that I know his "patterns" whenever I don't feel him during his normal times I worry.

Last night & this morning almost sent me into a panic. He HATES when I lay on my left side...so after being on that side for a decent amount of time & I didn't feel Baby thumps...I began to worry. It's not like a FULL out worry but more of a heightened, "Are you okay little baby?" Then this morning he wasn't as crazy as he usually is...so again, I wouldn't get up until I felt him. I'm guessing he's just tired from how active he was yesterday. And Boy was he ACTIVE! lol So I guess I just have to accept that he will have down days; Especially now that he's getting bigger and has less & less room in there. *sighs* Hurry up July 3rd {or whenever he's gonna come} because I feel like I'm back to the first trimester "worry" again. Ugh!

 

It's just that we love him so much and I want him OUT here and healthy.

 

But that's when my faith kicks in...

 

I just have to pray over my stomach, "God you knew him before you even placed him in my womb....and YOU can take care of him a lot better than I can. I love him God, you gave him to us and I cover him with your blood knowing no matter what...Thy will be done." ~Amen.

 

 

Meditation

 

I Surrender

Worry robs me of my joy so it has to go......

This journey was laid out for me long before I was born & I'm built for this last stretch........

God is Good.

 

 

32 weeks! Baby Shower Recap *Picture Heavy*

 

Well...I guess the beans of Baby Boy N's name has been spilled. lol Oh well.

 

First: Thanks so much for all the positive feedback on my last entry, the letter to my son. It was an emotional entry for me and that whole day was just full of tears of joy & thankfulness. Thank you all. I appreciate it.

-------------------------

 

Our shower was awesome! Honestly it was way more than we expected. It was such a blessing. I still can't believe I will be 32 weeks tomorrow and the shower has already come and gone. The theme of the shower & the nursery is Monster's Inc. We LOVE how it all came together. My best friend's, my wife's best friend and my family did everything for the shower. My wife's family bought enough clothes to last Baby Boy a lifetime. Again, we were so blessed.

 

Everyone really showed up & showed out for us and it was actually kinda bittersweet. I guess because this is the last time we will experience a shower. A new baby. Pregnancy. This part of our journey is all over for us. When the little guy arrives.....that's it. So while we are enjoying the last few weeks of pregnancy and nesting...we are also looking forward to our new life with two kids & no more pregnancies.

 

I get my wife back. My body back. Her body back *evil laugh* My Beer back. My physical abilities back. My energy back. ME BACKKKK! You get the picture.......

 

I did have a semi-meltdown this past weekend because I was just miserable. I've been suffering from pregnancy rhinitis since 18 weeks 1 day {basically congestion and I can't breathe without using nasal spray}, I get tired so quickly and I was just so overwhelmed. I felt bad about complaining because I know so many women want so badly to be in my shoes...I didn't want to sound ungrateful. I am grateful. We prayed for this pregnancy & our baby like everyone else...but it still doesn't negate the fact that I'm human & making a baby is the hardest task EVER! And...I'm allowed to complain every now and again. It's healthy to let it out....

 

As far as the baby news goes....He's VERY active and we are both doing well. God is good. I had my 31 week appointment the other day. He's measuring right on target. I won't go back again until 35 weeks. We have 57 days left! Whoa! I think he's head down because I now feel his hiccups down low and kicks up high near my ribs. He loves to snuggle on my right side & moves constantly. He always reminds me that he's there. I love it & I'm enjoying the last few days with him in my womb.

 

Here are some pics from our baby shower. I think it turned out super cute. I tried to snap as many pics as I could before everyone showed up. I'm glad I did. I had to capture all the wonderful details that made our day so special. We received TONS of gifts! Like, we really don't need anything else because we are all set. I feel blessed beyond measure.

 

I hope you enjoy!

 

 

 

31 weeks! Letter to Baby N + Babyshower

My heart explodes with Love

Tomorrow I will officially be 31 weeks! Whooohoooooo! I honestly cannot believe we only have 64 days plus or minus until we welcome our baby boy. It's still surreal.

I went in for my 30 week appointment last week and everything looks great. Baby Boy's heartbeat was strong, my weight gain has slowed down {Thank GOD} and I passed my glucose test. My swelling has also decreased and I think it's because I've started drinking a lot more water. Next up I have been advised to get the whooping cough vaccine (Tdap) sometime between now and 36 weeks.

Our Baby shower is THIS Sunday!!! Holy crap! I'm so excited. I'm also thankful we decided to have it at 31 weeks because as the weeks progress I don't know if I will feel like being bothered with it all. Don't get me wrong...I'm thankful as ever BUT the thought of having to actually get dressed and put on real clothes and look presentable and be chipper and entertain folks....overwhelms me a bit. So at 31 weeks I'm still good with it all....anything further, Ummmmm not so much. lol

I will post pics and share that special day with my blogger family so be ready for a pic heavy post! :-)

Dear Son,

Well kiddo...we are almost at the end of our journey together. I tear up just writing that. No...I cry. My biggest sacrifice was giving you life. It's the most unselfish thing I've ever done and I thank you. Having you inside my body has taught me so much. I now know how to be and accept vulnerability, being fragile and being humble. You are truly a miracle. All I want to do is keep you safe. Inside of me you are protected from the world. But I know I will have to eventually expose you to life outside of the womb and sometimes that scares me.
I love you so much. I'm proud of myself and I pray you are proud of your MaMa as well. I did it Baby boy! I did something everyone thought I wouldn't....I made the decision to give you life. I knew it was YOU all along! I felt it from the moment you were conceived. My Son. My Baby Boy. I waited 36 years to carry & birth a baby...now I know it was 36 years of prepping my heart and mind to birth you. I hope you love your new family. You have a wonderful Mommy and Big Sister waiting for you here. We love you so much! We prayed and God sent you down from the clouds just to complete our little family. You are so wanted and so loved by so many people. Take all the time you need to cook because your Mama is going to cry a lot and be a little sad once you are no longer in her belly. I will be okay though.
We have about 2 months left of our special journey and I pray over you every day that we both come home from the hospital healthy. I hope you're ready for your birthday! I love you I love you I love you........I cry when I think of you being disconnected from the life-line we now share. You will be our Baby Boy....YOU are the beautiful 4th soul who will complete our set. Our Family created by Love.

Until we meet face to face,
MaMa

When things Change.....Plus Glucose test and Such!

I went for my much dreaded glucose test on April 12th. I had so much anxiety over keeping the liquid down. As I was registered, the lab tech handed me the bottle of liquid. I went straight to panic mode! Me: "Wait. Ummm Miss, can I have the orange flavor?" {EVERYONE told me this was the best flavor to stomach}....

Her: "We don't have that one here."

Me: *Look of Horror*

 

So...I had to suck it up, twist the cap...and down the fruit punch flavored drink. I totally expected the absolute worst! BUT......It was actually good! LOL! I was thirsty so that made it even better!

Me: "Oh okay this is GOOD!"

Lab Tech: "See don't judge a book by its cover!" lol

In the end...I waited the required hour and then got the blood draw. I received my results today and I passed with a wonderful score of 114!!!!! Thank God!

 

  

 

I've reached another milestone, 28 weeks! Well....I'm officially 28 weeks 5 days to be exact. Here is my bare belly. Thank you Lord! It's more rounded, solid and hard now. Still no stretch-marks. Yayyyy! {other than the ones I already had from losing weight}

I can remember posting about how "great" I was feeling and how sometimes I "forgot" that I was pregnant. Well, things have changed. Totally. I have learned to accept each new day for what it brings. I have my good days and then I have my not so good days. And that's okay. I know I've gained a ton of weight and groaning while doing anything that involves me moving has become common place. And that's okay. Things change and as my pregnancy progresses & I just have to accept that and deal. I keep everything in perspective and that helps me to get through. Oh, I can now see the baby moving around in my belly...totally weird and cool! He's so active. My wife said he's way more active in the womb than Baby C was. Keep on movin' son..it's gives your Mama peace & comfort! :-)

 

We have cleaned out the house (nesting times a million)...donated all unused & unwanted items, had our bathroom renovated, rearranged our bedroom, will have brand new windows installed in the next 3 weeks and completed our baby shower registry! Wheeew! These two mommies have been focused! The shower is set for May 4th, 2014.

 

That's all for now. Thanks for all the encouragement, advice, prayers, love & light sent during my journey. You all have NO idea how much it means to me. Congrats on all the BFP's for March and April! I'm so happy for you ladies. It's a blessing.

 

 

Mama C~

 

25 Weeks & Feeling Every Second Of It

We've reached viability!!! I'm 25 weeks today & I'm so thankful to be here. I do not take this amazing milestone for granted.

 

{Here's where I get transparent for a second}

 

I must admit, I'm slowing down. A lot. I feel very pregnant and it's really real now. My hips hurt. I now have to wear medical scrubs and a polo shirt to work because none of my clothes fit anymore, well my work clothes don't. I have a waddle. My face is filling out. My stomach is in my throat most days & it causes me extreme discomfort. I sometimes feel like my fatigue is coming back just a little. I can't help out at home or at work like I really want to because I get winded so easy and I don't want to put the baby in harms way by doing too much. It's harder to pick my daughter up now...I hate picking stuff up off the floor that I've dropped {it just takes so much effort}....I just feel BIGGER and SLOWER.

All while, when I tell people how far along I am, I get the...."Oh just WAIT, you ain't seen nothin' yet! You're gonna blow up and it's gonna get worse!"

 

SHUT THE F*^% UP!!!!!!!!!!! {Is what I want to say but instead I just smile and shake my head}

 

As a pregnant not-so-femme woman, being pregnant makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel like I'm delicate & fragile. I'm not used to feeling like this. I'm not used to LOOKING like this. I mean, I knew I would change, my body would morph....but I don't think you're ever really prepared for just how much you do change in so many ways. Sometimes I feel like crying when I think about just how different I am right now. Other days I'm not phased at all by it.

 

But............. I have to say, I would do it all over again to be exactly where I am. Pains & all. Fatness & all. I would do it again in a heartbeat for us to complete our family. Even with the discomfort and temporary pains {and it really is temporary}, I have an amazing wife who rubs my tired feet & takes awesome care of me, a baby growing inside of me who is healthy and very active, a great job where I can take it easy & take the day off if need be, a wonderful family support system who are so thrilled & excited about this little boy, friends who are just blessings all around to me and my family, a 1 year old precious daughter who gives me crazy kisses and is the joy of my life!! I can't complain with the many blessings surrounding me right now. I can be honest about how I'm feeling on a daily basis but I really can't complain. I'm blessed.

 

With each passing day...with each passing week...I don't for one second take for granted that this little boy is still safe & secure in my womb. I would deal with any amount of discomfort to keep HIM inside and safe. Period. As my wife often says, my only charge right now is to "bake this baby." Weight gain, pains, limited wardrobe etc....it's all for the greater good, our son.

My next goal is 28 weeks. The 3rd trimester.

 

Meditation

 

This journey is not a race.

Surrender the desire to want to control the path & final destination.

Just do what you can...& stay healthy.

 

 

 

 

23 weeks! Saying Bye-Bye to my "Pleasure Harness" & Car Accidents!

 

 

23 Weeks Baby!

 

So, I'm coming up on a major milestone in this pregnancy....viability! Thank GOD! In a few days...at 24 weeks, if something were to happen at least they would try to save my son. For that I am thankful. Keep on cookin' Baby N! I'm still feeling really good and just continuing to take it easy. The baby is more active these days and that gives me so much peace and reassurance.

 

The Accident

 

2 weeks ago a distracted drive slammed into the rear of my car, well my wife's car. I was stopped in traffic and I saw her speeding towards me. There was no place I could go so I just braced myself for the impact. Without going into too much detail, it landed me in labor & delivery at 22 weeks. I was scared. I was pissed & angry at her for being so careless. BUT...I put my feelings aside to focus on my son. That's all I cared about. It was a very scary experience but Baby Boy N and I checked out just fine. Oh, and I'm suing her azz!

 

 

(Disclaimer - This may be the most personal/raw entry to date so you've been warned lol}

 

My Pleasure Harness   ;-(

 

Well folks, I've reached that point. That point where I have to share things in my blog that I would probably only share with my Ace's. I have to be true to this blog & that means sharing experiences from the perspective of the not-so-femme pregnant lesbian.

 

My harness. The pleasure stick. My Manzzzzz! The shyt don't fit anymore! *insert dramatic sigh* #BLOWN! I tried to strap up the other night and when I went to put it on.... my stomach and waist said, "Helllllllll no!" #BLOWN...again.

I mean, I knew it would happen eventually but I guess you are just never prepared for your joint NOT to fit. Come on mannn....It just fit like a week ago!!! So there I was unable to strap up...which means I had nothing to attach my clit suction device to...which means I had to go at it old school = the good ole manual dildo penetration = hella arm work!

Fcuk.

 

BUT......the bright side to all this is.....because I'm so genius and fortunately pretty damn good with the manual stroke {lol}... we had probably one of the BEST sexual episodes since I've been preggers. It was one of those, light a candle, sip a little wine {yes I had a few sips and yes it's okay}, turn on some ebony p-o-r-n, turn on that mood music and crash afterwards episode! Yes, it was that good.

So...to all my not-so-femme lesbians thinking about carrying or those in the process of ttc...all hope is not lost. It will take more work but it's worth it! Damn is it worth it. You just gotta tap into your ole-school manual stroke skills. Ha!

 

With that, I've packed my harness away and said good-bye....for now at least. But I'm kinda turned on by the "new stuff" we tapped into that night so who knows, that may become part of our episodes even after I have the baby. lol

 

I have my 24 week check-up next Thursday so I'm sure the dreaded glucose test is in my near future. My next goal is 28 weeks! Come onnn 3rd Trimester!!

 

That's all for now.......thanks for following my small piece of Blogworld.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Update: Anatomy Scan - Spine Views. I've reached 22 weeks!!!!!

Our Little "Thinker!"

 

 

--Hand under chin thinking about how super it's gonna be to have two mommies! ;-)

 

On Friday Feb. 7th, 2014 my wife & I went in for the much anticipated anatomy scan. I was hella nervous. I mean, THIS is the biggie. The scan where things not caught on earlier prenatal imaging & genetic testing can be detected. Before heading into the imaging center we just said a little prayer for our son. That's really all you can do.

 

Baby Boy "N" was rolled up into a complete ball! BUT with his legs crossed. At a certain point the tech told me to get up and move around in hopes to get him to stretch out a bit. Needless to say I did jumping-jacks, fake yoga etc in an attempt to get him to cooperate. Nadda! I'm so glad we weren't banking on the anatomy scan to find out the sex because we would have been disappointed. lol She did see "the money shot" at some point but it was for a quick few seconds. lol I was more concerned with his health. I prayed everything would be okay with him in terms of his organs, heart & overall health. That's all I really cared about forreal.

 

With the exception of his complete spine shots she did manage to get all the pictures & measurements she needed {Thank God}. So, we had to go back on Tuesday 02-27 for follow-up scans of his spine. Due to his position the first time the tech was unable to get all the structures of the spine she needed. The tech we had Tuesday seemed more seasoned and she was thorough! The follow-up appointment took longer than I expected. I consumed a bag of skittles and some sweet tea and praaaayed this little boy would cooperate! Laying sooo flat, WITH a full bladder, WITH aching HIPS, WITH her probing was painful! But...in the end she did manage to get every image she needed and afterwards congratulated us on our baby. Whewww! Thank God...again! It was wonderful to get another look at Sprouty! I could actually feel his kicks this time as she was scanning...it was kinda cool. He is measuring TWO WEEKS AHEAD! Yikes! I had the first scan full anatomy scan done at 19 weeks 1 day and he was measuring at 21 weeks! She didn't do dating measurments this time..she only focused on his spine, my fluid levels and my cervical length.

 

 

Here are some other cool pics of our little Sir:

 

 

FEET! lol

Halloween Frontal View! Boooooooo

Super Serious...Leave me alone Profile. lol

 

While my belly isn't that big yet....{At least I don't think so...lol} I feel so blessed to have made it to 22 weeks. I mean 22 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God is so GREAT! I do have to mention that I feel like I'm starting to slow down a bit. I take a little longer to do things I used to fly thru. It's an adjustment. My wife always tells me how great I'm doing...to be 6 months. -sidebar- The 6 months thingy depends on what calculation you use. lol Somedays I do feel like I'm doing well...other days I just take a deep sigh and say, "Lord give me STRENGTH!" lol We went thru all of Baby C's clothes and picked out all the gender neutral items for Sprouty. We have a nice little stash of sleepers, onesies, socks, bibs & equipment. My wife has also made a few cloth diapers for him too. YAY! We plan on doing our Babyshower registry in about 2 weeks. I want to wait until I'm 24 weeks to do that.

 

Update: My wife felt Baby N kick for the first time the morning I turned 21 weeks. It was so awesome for her to finally get to experience him from the outside. I think it becomes more real to everyone once you start feeling those kicks. I feel him all the time now and it does ease my mind. Some of his kicks are really low. Ouch! I don't think he likes when I prop up on my back or lay on my back...he kicks like crazy until I change positions. lol I just pray over my belly and tell him to stay PUT at least until the end of June.

 

That's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well & I'm still praying for those BFP's!

 

Meditation

 

God knows the end...just focus on being healthy.

Don't let worry steal your joy. Instead, Pray.

Don't get so caught up in the end result that you lose sight of the daily journey.

Raising a SON in Baltimore....The City That Bleeds.

 

(This will not be my usual blog entry...I just need to write down my thoughts)

So, last night while watching the local news something internally registered that shook me up a bit. I mean, it hit me all of a sudden that once this baby comes out, he will be a male raised in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S.

Once he is released from my safe & secure womb he will be born in a city where young black males are killing each other daily. This is a scary thought. I not only have to protect him from the obvious pitfalls of being a kid growing up during this crazy time BUT I have to also be mindful that young black men account for most of our prison population, they are killing each other over their pride, they don't know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way & they are also the targets for stereotyping, hate crimes and many other ills.

 

Now, announcing... "It's A BOY" takes on a whole different meaning to me. I feel like our charge to raise young black men is something that goes far beyond the blue onesies and toy trucks. It's real!

 

So that leaves me to ponder: I was listening to the DL Hughley show and he uttered, "Your focus as a parent should be to protect your children at any and all costs." I agree. So, knowing that I live in a city where the odds are already stacked against my son does that give me the charge to move someplace where senseless violence isn't as prevalent? That "as" is so subjective. But crime happens everywhere, right? Is considering moving to the South (Atlanta, GA) opening up a whole new can of worry in terms of now having to protect my son from racist idiots & homophobic bigots? It's crazy man.....

 

I just want to give my kids the best life I can and protect them as best I can. I know shyt is gonna happen but I just want to minimize it. That may sound delusional but it's my truth. My wife stays home with our daughter. When our son is born he will follow....I just keep thinking about life after I give birth and everything has gone back to our normal. Once I no longer have this protruding belly and I'm back to my fitted-shirts, swim-trunks, wife-beaters & baseball caps.... internally I will feel like "me" again.

 

-Sidebar- No, I don't feel like "me" anymore on the inside or the outside because I'm not. This is new for me and with each week that goes by I have to re-adjust to a new me as the baby inside me grows. I'm a pregnant "not-so-femme" female. This has been a real adjustment for me.

...Wanna know how I know?

Because I went to my first women's college basketball game a few weeks ago and I felt self-conscious having a belly. I'm used to running up those College Park Rocky steps in my Ralph Lauren boots, loose fitted jeans, military style jacket & my baseball cap. But this time I had on the only real pair of black slacks that fit my belly comfortably, a sweater (with the belly protruding) and I was HELLA WINDED by the time I reached the top of those damn steps! Smh lol I felt kinda out of place. Especially since my female bestfriend was all "dommed out" makin' me feel like a preggo Beeioytch! lol

 

That's all I can do is laugh at this point. It's been a journey so far but I know I need to document it every step of the way & I wouldn't change it for the world. I also know after this experience I will never be the same. Something about carrying a child changes you and I already feel it. I'm thankful for this experience. But I'm also curious to see who I will become once I've given birth to a real life HUMAN.

 

Back on Topic:

So, I guess having a boy is really starting to sink-in mentally & emotionally for me. Will we end up moving? Will private schools be our only option? Will we raise sheltered kids that know nothing of what goes on in the city? ---We do live far enough from the main crust of the city where I can make that happen dammit! <Humor> In this day and age is minimizing the stuff your kids are exposed to with technology, other parents NOT parenting, youtub.e and social media even possible?! Just things I think about. I guess all we can do is pray. In the end that's all you really can do; Pray for them & cover them.

17 weeks 0 days! Bump Shot. Baby PLEASE Move!

 

17 weeks today! Yiippeeeee! While some days time seems to be speeding by...other days, not so much. I'm doing well and just taking it one day at a time. My new craving is A-1 steak sauce! I wanna smother everything in it! Yummaaay!

I went in for my 16 week check-up last week. It went well but hearing Sprouty's heartbeat is all I really care about during those quick monthly appointments. It seems SO long between appointments and I just need to know that he/she is alright in there! Which leads me to movement.

 

I WANNA feel the baby move!!!! It's driving me crazy. My wife felt Baby C around the 14-15 week mark. I read of others feeling movement that soon as well...but here I am SEVENTEEN weeks and nadda! Zilch. Well, at 13 weeks 4 days I thought I might have felt the baby but I'm not sure. I guess it's like the old sayings go, "A watched pot never boils" & "A watched phone never rings." lol

 

Oh, funny story: So, I go in for my appointment last week and my OB walks in the room all chipper and happy. She asks me if I have any questions but before I can answer she says, "Oh and you need to schedule your anatomy scan within the next two weeks." My reply to her was: "yeah I'm going to BUT I don't want to know the sex of the baby yet!" With a shocked look on her face she shouts, "OH NO, WELL WHY DO I KNOW??! I don't want to know if you don't! Let me scratch this off of your chart! I'm so glad I didn't come in here blabbing the results!!"

I then {{{GASP}}} lol

 

So apparently the genetics center sent her the results of my Maternit21 test and that included the gender portion. She documented the sex of the baby in the sleeve of my chart. lol I'm SOOO thankful she didn't tell me. While I'm dying to know...I would have been devastated and crushed to find out like that, before our big reveal party.

 

We have an appointment for the anatomy scan on 02-07 and we also have an appointment for a quick gender ultrasound on the 29th of this month. However, I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep this appointment. The only reason I even scheduled it was to "verify" the Maternit21 gender results and to make sure they match. It's probably a waste of money {$75 bucks for 10-15mins) since the MT21 is genetic but you know how it is when you just have to be sure............Did any of you do both genetics and u/s? I still have some time to cancel. But I havent.....yet. *sighs*

 

Anywhoo.....here is the 17 weeks bump shot! Almost to 20 weeks. Whoohoooooo!

 

 

 

 

Meditations:

 

Stop saying if and start saying when....

Although you don't know what's going on on your womb...GOD does!

Embrace & enjoy the journey. All of it! Not just the "good" parts.

Every woman's journey is different. Trust that this is the one specifically crafted for YOU.

15 Weeks 0 Days! Gender Reveal Party!

As of today I am 15 weeks exactly! Wow. I really cannot believe it. I'm still doing very well and just so thankful. I'm starting to look obviously pregnant and embracing every moment of it. The one thing I'm happy about as well is my face isn't "looking" pregnant. lol Vain I know but....the "pregnant nose" was something I teased folks about. lol You know the red pregnant nose....it's the look where people don't have to see anything below your neck to know you're expecting! Hahahaha....I can laugh because my wife had it. I know I'm speaking too soon but if I do get it....I will indeed laugh at myself!

 

Oh, I'm thankful for a close friend who I can run to when I'm having concerns about my expanding plumping body. She has gone thru the whole pregnancy experience as a "far from femme" mom and has helped me a great deal. My latest issue is my boxers. They are getting really uncomfortable around the lower portion of my stomach. I asked her what my next step was a she gave me a few suggestions. Even sent me a pic of some from her personal collection lol....I'm finding that there are certain aspects of me being pregnant that my wife won't understand, fully. I mean we are both women...but mentally, emotionally & physically I'm experiencing pregnancy from a different lens. So, it's nice to have an outside resource that understands first hand. Thanks T!

 

We have set the date for our big gender reveal party! {For those of you who want to get technical se.x reveal party. Yes, I know they are not the same. No, we won't be calling our party a baby se.x reveal. Yes, gender reveal just sounds better and less perverted.}

It's scheduled for Feb. 1st! I will be 18 weeks 2days!!! We've decided to do the balloon pop since we did the cake with Baby C. I'm actually starting to look forward to knowing if Sprouty is a Boy or a Girl. I guess since I'm getting bigger and I know the baby can now hear sounds.....It would just be nice to start calling him or her by their name. Oh, and maybe buying a few things. I'm also excited about sharing this moment with our family and friends. We have a strict NO GIFT policy. We just want folks to come eat & enjoy this precious time.

 

 

How Far Along? 15 weeks today! Yippee!

Total Weight Gain: I got on the scale this morning and I was up another 2lbs. It's all good tho. 

Maternity Clothes: Nope. I need to get a few more pairs of pants for work but I'm just buying the next size up.

Symptoms: Still no morning sickness. My energy is coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank GOD!

Stretch Marks: No more than I already had on my stomach.

Belly Button In/Out: Nothing yet. Still in.

Sleep: Great and all the time.

Best Moment Last Week: Thinking that I might have felt Sprouty move. The jury is still out on that one.

What I Miss: Being active. Beer. 

What I’m looking forward to: Feeling Sprouty move without a doubt. Our next ultrasound. Our gender reveal party.

Food Cravings: Salads, pineapples, apple sauce and oranges! Especially oranges! Salads make the belly soooo happy.

Food Aversions: I'm still cautious about eggs but I don't really have any aversions at this point. 

Gender: Team Green……for now……can’t wait to find out! I've said this from the moment I found out I was pregnant....I think this is a BOY!

Movement: None ;-(

My Concerns or Questions: None at the moment. Just the usual "is my baby okay and how can I KEEP her/him okay" stuff.

Goals for the week: NOT stress over feeling Sprouty move. 

 

Meditation:

 

It's okay to be excited. You should be.

God knows how this will all end...trust His process.

Let worry NOT be your first reaction/response. Instead, pray.

God has heard your prayers & does grant the desires of our heart.

 

 

 

 

11 weeks 0 days! Pregnancy Updates.

 

 

Today I'm officially 11 weeks 0 days. I'm so very thankful to have made it this far. Things have still been uneventful and I'm thankful for that as well. I'm almost done with my progesterone suppositories and that will be a major milestone for me. I'm so over those messy things! I should be finish in a few days! Thank God! My wife and I have lots of se.x to make up for once they are out of the equation! Helllllz yeah! I'm telling you...I think those suppositories have sleeping components in them because as soon as I insert two I'm gone! *sighs* Did I say I will be so glad when I'm done with those things?!? lol

 Since my last post I discovered my health insurance will not cover the Maternit21 test...they will only cover the Harmony. So, harmony it is. I'm scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9am. It's still up in the air as to whether I'm going to have the NT tomorrow as well and the ONLY way I will get it is if they assure me that 11 weeks 1 day is not too early annnnnd it will not impact the measurements/results. I have my 12 week OB follow-up on the 18th.

I think I'm going to tell my coworkers in a few weeks. Like, after I get the results of my genetics testing. I wanted to tell them at our Christmas party on the 17th but i'm not so sure now. Either way I plan to tell them in the next 2 weeks. Jaws are gonna hit da floor! lol

How Far Along? 11 weeks today! Yippee!

Total Weight Gain: Only the Good Lord knows but I’m still fitting my work uniform cargo pants & I don’t particularly feel like I’m huge, yet.

Maternity Clothes: Nope. I wouldn’t wear girly maternity clothes anyway. I’ve already invested in some comfy jogging bottoms and I have my “Big Belly” wardrobe already picked out courtesy of the men’s department at Target.

Symptoms: Heartburn. Exhaustion. But still no morning sickness. I’m starting to believe that the pregnancy gods have smiled on me. I think I’m one of those lucky women who escape the dreaded morning/all-day sickness. This is a super awesome kid I’m carrying! *knocks on wood*

Stretch Marks: No more than I already had on my stomach.

Belly Button In/Out: Nothing yet. Still in.

Sleep: Great and all the time.

Best Moment Last Week: Hitting double digits at 10 weeks.

What I Miss: Being active and not requiring as much sleep. I miss having the energy to do more than just go to work and come home. I will be so thankful if the second trimester brings me some much needed energy. I'm sure my wife will appreciate it also.

What I’m looking forward to: My genetics screening tomorrow (maybe the NT scan) and most of all getting the results. In a few days....NO MORE progesterone suppositories!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Food Cravings: Salads, pineapples, apple sauce and oranges! Salads make the belly soooo happy.

Food Aversions: EGGS! Ughhhhhhh! I hate them now. *gags* I used to LOVE eggs. Now they make me so sick! Ewwwwwwwwwww

Gender: Team Green……for now……can’t wait to find out! I've said this from the moment I found out I was pregnant....I think this is a BOY! 

Movement: None

My Concerns or Questions: I have elevated blood pressure readings at the OB’s office so I’m going to ask the nurse if they can take my pressure at the end of my visit instead of at the beginning. Oh, and I just need to hear Sprouts heartbeat. I haven’t heard it since 8 weeks 1 day and I need reassurance. 

Goals for the week: NOT stress over waiting for the genetics results. 


Anyway, that's all for now. Prayerfully I will have good news/updates next time. I'm hoping it won't take long for my results to come back. Until then....continue to send positive energy, light & prayers my way.

Meditation

 

Surrender.

Relax.

Enjoy.