36 Weeks! The Nursery. & So, It turns into a monster?!

I'm 3 days shy of 36 weeks. Holy MOLY! 31 days until my due date. Yes, 31 days....

Shyt! Just. Got. REAL!

Well..it's been real for a long minute now but considering we found out we were pregnant when Sprouty was like 10mins old...{You know how us lesbians start POAS <peeing on a stick> as SOON as sperm meets egg lol}....But yeah, You get the point.

This baby. Has to come out of. ME. My Vagin.a or tummy cut. Like...He has to come out of my body one way or the other in 31 days, give or take........JESUS BE AN EPIDURAL!!!!!

Why am I so amped today you might be thinking...? Well let's just say I watched a BabyCenter birth video. Whyyyyyyyy did I do that?! I have to many thoughts....thoughts of, How the hell does "it" get SO big....I mean, I was traumatized by those huge lips.... the opening....Howwwwwwwww doesssssss that happen?!?

*Faints*

My wife had a c-section so I didn't experience the whole baby coming out thing.  They cut my babygirl out and I never saw what my wife's lady parts could do. I never saw it turn into a monster. Wait, I never saw her lady parts during the whole process now that I think about it. Mannnnn...it's mind-blowing how "it" can go from regular and cute to a BIG HUGE MONSTER!!!!!!! OMG!

*Faints.......again*

.......well, there's no turning back now and he has to come out. Lord be with me! My next OB appointment is on 06-10-14. I will have the GBS test done and maybe a cervical check. Fun. <sarcasm font>

On a brighter note, the nursery is done, our maternity photo-shoot is done & the bags are all packed. So we are officially on "just waiting for baby" watch. Yiipeee! Here are a few pics of our nursery. Baby Boy & His Big sister will be sharing a room. I can't WAIT for her to meet her little Brother. Ahhhhhhhh!

 

 

That's all for now.........pray for me ya'll :-)

13 weeks 1 Day! Skull Theory Gender Preditions?! Whaaat?!

 

 

I'm telling you....surfing the web will uncover some crazy things about pregnancy! lol I learn something new allllll the time. Well, last week I stumbled across something called the "Skull Theory" as it relates to gender predictions. Skull theory?!? Never heard of it! Well, according to the "Resident Google fetal Development Scholars" aka BabyCenter chicks (hehehe) you can predict the gender based on the skull structure.

 

 

Sooooooooooooo.............armed with this intriguing piece of information I did a pic-stitch of Baby C's NT scan (Baby C is a girl for those who do not know) and Sprouty's. lol {Sprouty top - Baby C bottom}. Any Skull Theory Specialist in da house wanna take a guess at it? If i were to guess, I would have predicted Boy for Baby C and Girl for Sprouty. lol Of course I would have guessed wrong so I think I will leave this one A-Lone! lol Now, Baby C's NT was done at 12 weeks 1 day and Sprouty's was done at 11 weeks 1 day (but Sprouty was measuring 12 weeks 5 days) not sure if that makes a difference but it's worth mentioning. What do ya'll think? I think this would be a good thread for my secret group :-)

 

 

How Far Along? 13 weeks 1 day!

Total Weight Gain: The Last time I built up the courage to check I was up 5lbs. So based on my weight BEFORE I got pregnant I'm going to say up 8-9-10ishlbs. At this point I'm just trying to not deny myself BUT be mindful that I have a long way to go before I'm due. Slow Ya roll Nell :-)

Maternity Clothes: Nope. But I'm noticing my boxers are leaving visible marks across the lower region of my belly. Not cool. Still wearing my regular clothes thet just don't fit/hang the same way they used to.

Symptoms: Same as last week ---Heartburn. Exhaustion. But still no morning sickness. Last night my wife thinks I had my first Braxton Hicks. I had a tightening across my stomach and once she had me drink some water and lay down on my left side it went away. It didn't hurt it was just a very weird and uncomfortable feeling.

Stretch Marks: No more than I already had on my stomach.

Belly Button In/Out: Nothing yet. Still in.

Sleep: Great and all the time.

Best Moment Last Week: Getting good news about my MaterniT21 genetic test results and hitting the oh so wonderful 12 weeks! That call from the genetics counselor meant everything to me! It was an amazing moment.

What I Miss: Being active, not requiring as much sleep & Bud Ice Beer. Well, all kinds of Beer. 

What I’m looking forward to: Feeling the baby move. Hitting 13 weeks I'm on pins and needles as to when I'm going to experience that awesome moment! My 18-20 week BIG ultrasound.

Food Cravings: Same ---Salads, pineapples, apple sauce and oranges! Salads make the belly soooo happy. Here lately I've also been craving Mexican food!

Food Aversions: Although I still can't eat them scrambled I did eat a fried egg. But eggs are still a bleh for me. Ick!

Gender: **Confession - I hit 12 weeks and all of a sudden it really doesn't matter what se.x Sprouty is. I realllllly just want to take a healthy full term baby home** ------Team Green……for now……But internally I feel like this is a calm, cool and very chill BOY! 
  
Movement: None

My Concerns or Questions:  I guess it would be cervical issues. I've read stories (I know I know I shouldn't be reading anything at this point) but reading things about early cervical shortening and dilation I just wonder if there are any signs or things I should be looking out for in the coming weeks.

Goals for the week: Have more se.x, Maintain my healthy diet & don't stress over when I will feel the baby move.

Now that I've reached my focus goal of 13 weeks I will now re-shift to focus to 20 weeks! As I've stated in previous blog posts focusing on 40 weeks is too overwhelming for me so I have to focus on incremental goals. 20 weeks! The half way mark, Feb. 13th, 2014!!!!!! My coworkers officially know I'm pregnant so that too is a heavy burden lifted off my shoulders. Plus I'm appreciating the little gestures of HELP I'm getting since no one wants me lifting or doing too much :-)


I hope you all are having a peaceful, loving & blessed holiday season! Until Next time.....

Meditation:

Surrender.

You cannot control the outcome of life or death so instead of worry, opt to Pray.

Your body was created for this so trust it & Trust God.

Final Beta Results! 4weeks 1 day

I can hardly type this because I'm so excited! I can tell you one thing, while I do pray on the regular outside of being pregnant...I've found myself praying extra hard these past few days. Really hard. Mainly because long before we actually started trying, well... back when my wife was going thru this process with Baby C, TTC showed me just how NOT in control of life we actually are. No matter how much we plan, time insems or anything else. I have to just trust and lean on God that everything will all work out and I will have a happy & healthy 9 months. I have to trust that because if not this process will literally drive me crazy mentally, emotionally and physically.

 

Here are the Results:

 

1st Beta (October 21st, 2013)

 

HCG - 50.7

Progesterone  - 13.5

 

*Due to low progesterone I was instructed to increase from one suppository to 2 at bedtime.*

 

2nd Beta (October 23rd, 2013)

 

HCG - 158

Progesterone  - 18

 

3rd *And Final Beta* (October 25th, 2013)

 

HCG - 418!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Progesterone - Nurse just said "almost 20" So I'm assuming 19 something

 

We are scheduled for our first ultrasound on next Wednesday! I have been experiencing waves of nausea since 3weeks preggers. It is progressively getting worse. Especially on my ride to work in the morning. It's not horrible just yet but I will be dusting off the seabands and keeping some crackers nearby just in case. The only symptom so far is extreme fatigue. I could literally sleep the day away while watching the Halloween Movie marathons that are on these days. Other than that I'm feeling well and just trying to eat healthy and REST. Grow Sprout GROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Thank. You. Lord.

 

....And thank all of you for the messages and well wishes. I'm still struggling a little with BFP guilt but I continue to pray for all of you out there still waiting for that magical moment.

The Results are in.....the TWW is Over!

BFP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the FIRST Try!

 

I'm still in shock and I thank God. My eggs aren't scrambled afterall! I was mentally prepared for it not to work the first time and even told myself getting pregnant on the 1st try was really unrealistic. At 36 soon to be 37 in November I successfully got pregnant on the first try with no meds & no monitoring. God is Good.

 

Here's how it went down

 

So, you all know I started taking the pro.gesterone suppositories at 3dpo. I felt like we had perfect timing for our insems. We did our inseminations on CD12 (we received the first smiley at 8:30pm on CD12), CD13 & CD14. One at 5pm and the other 2 around 8pm-9pm.

 

I did document "symptoms" but I really thought what little symptoms I did have were all due to the progesterone. I was bummed because I didn't feel pregnant. There were a few that stood out tho....

1. Neon Yellow Urine

2. Bleeding Gums (I had it one morning then it stopped)

3. NO cervical mucus

4. A little bloody ewcm on 8dpo

5. A LOT of ewcm at 9dpo (I never have ewcm this late in my cycle)

6. Constant Dreaming!!!! OMG!

7. This may be TMI but.... at 10dpo I had an orgasm in my sleep. Yep. Weird.

8. Very very very emotional

9. Sleepy alllllll of the time.

10. The smell of my coffee almost made me gag. I LOVE coffee.

 

Again....these were the ones that stood out as "maybe" it worked BUT I felt fine otherwise. There were a few moments of me feeling kinda "sick" but with the pro.gesterone I really thought it was because of that. I was actually getting sad close to test day because I thought for sure I would be feeling different and I really didn't. Plus when I read about so many women having increased creamy cm and I had literally NONE I thought for sure I was out. My wife pointed out that she suspected something when I was always sleep for the 11pm news. This is HUGE because I watch the news every night. But the days leading up to test day I crashed by 10pm at the latest.

 

TEST DAY

Then came test day.... I woke up on 11dpo and took a First Response HPT. My wife and I decided to wait to test and 11dpo was the date we selected. At 5am the test was negative. Stark white. Nothing. I was ok...my wife was very sad. Which in turn made me sad. I told her I wanted to stop the progesterone to allow my cycle to start. If I wasn't pregnant no sense in dealing with them another day and delaying our next attempt. She told me to call the nurse when the fertility clinic opened at 9am. I did. I told the nurse I took a pregnancy test at 5am and it was negative and asked her if I should stop taking the progesterone or wait until 14dpo like my Doctor instructed. Mind you...I was supposed to come on the next day at 12dpo so I told her I know my test would be positive by now because I'm supposed to come on tomorrow. She said, "Keep taking the progesterone. It's still early. You've added progesterone to the mix and that could change things. So, wait a few more days and you may be calling me back with good news." I thought....yeah right.

 

I went to the dollar store at 11:30am to pick up more tests. I felt like we had better luck with those test when my wife was preggers. She got her BFP at 9dpo. I stopped for lunch and headed back to the job. I looked at the test and thought..."let me just take one now. I'm sure it will be negative but oh well..." I went to the bathroom at work and took the test. I brought the test to my desk. Gross, I know, but I used antibacterial wipes. Whatever. I let the test sit and I looked at it and thought I was seeing things. This was at 12noon. I used the flashlight on my iphone and instantly started shaking. I called my wife and could hardly get the words out. I said, "BABY!!!!!! OMG! I THINK I SEE SOMETHING ON THE TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It was faint. But there was a line. I snapped a pic and sent it to her phone.

Immediately she responded, "I see it too OMG!!!!!!!!!"

 

I sent the pic to a dear friend of ours who is like family because she was soooo instrumental in our TTC journey with #1, Baby girl.... I sent it to her because I just knew it was an evap line. There was just no way. I've never seen an evap line so I really just wanted to make sure this wasn't it! She replied back, "HOLY SHYT! That's NO evap line it has color!! You're preggers!!!!" I just sat there in shock and still not believing what had just happened.

 

I just knew when I woke up at 7am the next morning it would be gone. But it wasn't. It was still there and I was thankful beyond words that it was.

 

Guilt

There was a part of me that felt kinda guilty. Guilty that some women have to endure months even years to get pregnant. They have to endure all kinds of tests and medication. And sometimes it still doesn't happen for them. Like, I feel so blessed that I didn't have to go thru any of that. I just thank God for everything. I said a silent prayer for those women I know who are going thru this. Praying they get their BFP soon. Praying they get to experience this moment and this feeling.

 

My first BETA was this morning and the numbers was: 50.7 HCG

Here is a quote from my Blog Dated 07-29-13: "Mark this day......7-29-13.....something tells me I'm gonna get pregnant the first try, or at max 3. I don't know what it is...but something internal tells me that it's gonna happen pretty quickly for me. It makes me excited and nervous at the SAME DAMN TIME! If it's gonna happen fast I would rather it happen first try....reason being, I'm not planning on telling family and friends until after our NT scan...which will put us in January. My moms birthday is the 11th so it would be a really nice birthday gift for her. But we shall see."

Thank. You. Lord.

Please continue to send prayer, positive energy, light and sticky baby dust our way. It really is appreciated and felt.

 

TTC: One down. Things you MUST consider during insems!

Yesterday was CD12. I started testing at CD7. All negative. While at work yesterday I called my wife and told her my morning and my afternoon opks were both negative but I felt something was happening or about to happen in baby making region. We went back and forth a little bit as to whether or not we should do an insem or not even though I didn't have a smiley yet. We decided to just go for it.....we figured, what the heck?!

 

I came home and got myself together. We contacted the donor and then waited. Less than an hour after speaking with him, the doorbell was ringing. We all sat around for a bit catching up and sharing a few laughs about us being "here" again and then I went to the bathroom. {TMI} Different from earlier in the day I had some tacky stretchy but clearish cervical fluid. I immediately said to myself, "yeah...I'm glad we decided to do this tonight because something is indeed about to happen." I told my wife to get the preseed so I could insert it while we were all sitting around talking. Then I went back to our bedroom.

 

I said a little prayer and then my wife and Baby C came into the bedroom. We kissed each other...Baby C rubbed my belly for good luck baby dust and then my wife took the donor all his "products." He did his duty...he called out to my wife, "Special delivery" lol...and then she went to put Baby C in her crib and get the goods. I could tell she was nervous but she did great! She was very gentle and all I remember thinking was, "Lord, Thy Will Be done." 

 

Here's the funny part (close your ears kids)........after all the goods were inside of me, I was like, "You know what comes next"...I said... "I wanna feel you on me so I can........y'all know.......lol She went to straddle me and I suddenly blocked my woman region with my hand like "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wayment!! Are you ovulating too!?! Get Offffaaaa me before we BOTH end up pregnant!!" Ahahahahahaaaaaa! Pure Lesbian comedy. Anyway, we made skin contact (away from her woman region)...I released....we wanted to make sure to get the swimmers up there. Afterwards I put my legs up for about 15mintes. We had already put the instead cup in so things were nice and capped off. My wife went back into the living room and her and the donor chatted a bit more then he left. We inseminated at 5pm.

 

I decided to do another opk at at 8:30PM just to check to see if there were any changes since my 1pm test and WE GOT A SMILEY!!!!!!!!!! All I remember is gasping for breath and yelling out to my wife! She was like, "what's wrong!?" I said..."the test is positive! We got a smiley!!" Her reply, "Oh MY GAWD!!" lol

 

Here is a screenshot from my iperiod app from yesterday. lol I'm so thankful I started testing early AND that I tested twice per day instead of once!

 

 

So......one insem down and two more to go! Then we are off to the land of the TWW! I will start my pro.gesterone on Thursday. Please send us BLUE sticky baby dust!

 

 

 

 

TTC: No Turning Back Now!

So I lied. I thought I wasn't going to blog until after insems and testing but I had to update you all and document where I am today......

 

 

1st - Disney was GREAT! I had all my "Last Call" festivities and sipped my last beer last Thursday.

 

2nd - I had my FIRST non-alcoholic Brew yesterday. O'Douls. It was special. Verrrry special. Not bad. But Not Bud Ice or Miller Light. Let's just say I'm in the experimental stage of finding which one will be my bff for the next year. Plus, once we actually insem I will ONLY drink the non-alcoholic brews that are truly 100% non-alcoholic.

 

I am officially on CD6. Yikes Smikes! This means we will inseminate next Sunday - Tuesday & Wednesday. This may change to Monday - Tuesday & Wednesday depending on when I get the first smiley. I called in my script for the pro.gesterone yesterday so I'm just waiting for the call to come pick it up. Donor is all set to go and he has our tentative ovula.tion schedule. We have our sterile specimen cups, instead cups to keep the swimmers in, ovulation kit(s), syringes, hip raising pillow, vibrator {evil laugh} and all other baby making kit items ready to go. I'm eating the "Boy Diet" and I've started meditating and speaking to our unborn child. We are now just waiting for the smile. Then it's on to the TWW. Blah.

FYI - I will NOT be testing before my cycle is due. Nope. Not gonna do it. So I won't know if it's two pink lines or clean smooth white until the very end of the tww.

 

-Sidebar- Oh, so....I was all good about this whole ttc #2 thing and not having anyyyy second thoughts until we got back from Orlando! I guess that's when shyt got real in my mind that this was about to happen. All of a sudden thoughts hit me. Yeah, thoughts...we all know when you are voluntarily giving up life as you know it {even when it's for something as amazing as a baby} the last thing you want to start doing is THINKING! Is this the right time for Baby #2, How will Baby C adjust? Will our marriage take a hit dealing with two kiddos? Finances, oh LAWD finances!? Sleep!? Fun?! Two kids?! Doctors appointments?! Tests?! PAINNNN??!! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!?

 

While I quickly stopped thinking.....It was so good to have a conversation with my wife about my concerns, fears etc and have her to talk me off the thinking ledge. Don't wanna go there again. lol So thankful I had the common sense to marry well. Very well. She's my sanity. We talk about everything and our marriage is solid. For that I am truly thankful and extremely blessed.

 

Truth is...there's never really a perfect time to have one or two or three or how ever many kids folks opt to partake in. Really..I mean come on. Life in itself throws so many curve balls you'll never really BE ready 100%... because as well know there will always be something looming. Not saying you shouldn't use common sense when opting into parenthood but I'm just sayin' you'll never be at 100% on the nothing going on so let's have a kid(s) scale. 

 

6 Days until Inseminations.

 

 

TTC: CD15

Okay...so here's a really quick update:

-My first positive opk this month was on CD13 around 1:45pm (Sunday). 

-We had a great visit with the RE on Monday...CD14. I tested just before we left the house around 2:45pm and I still had a smiley. 

-The RE did an ultrasound and it showed a 10mm uterine lining and a 24mm follie on the left. No follies on the right. She seemed really happy with those findings. I was too considering I 'm on no medication. 

-The RE gave me a script for pro.gesterone and insem instructions. I have 50mg pro.gesterone suppositories that I should start inserting 2-3dpo. Or 2 to 3 days after the first smiley. 

- I tested today which is CD15 at 1pm and it's STILL a smiley! Yikes.

I should start my cycle on September 26th according to my app...last month it was right on-time and exact. IF that's the case this cycle we will more than likely do our insemination(s) sometime during October 6th thru the 11th. 

I will test out my surge with the opk's this cycle. I really think it will be gone by tomorrow. I hope. But even still...I want to test it out. 

Disney here we come! 

That's all folks! The next update will be a Yay or Nay :-)

Please send sticky baby two pink line energy this way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TTC: Updates and Last Calls. It's finally here!!

One of my blogger friends introduced me to the term, "Last Call" party as it relates to the last time you'll indulge in the sweet calming taste of a cocktail or beer for a loooooooong time while under baby making construction. lol I liked it so much I decided to have not one but TWO last call celebrations to mark this monumental journey. One with my friends.....then one with my wife. 

The one with my friends was this past weekend. We booked our hotel, stopped by the local wine and spirits store....and hit the open road to Philadelphia! Awesome road trip with the sole purpose of spending some quality time alone with my crew. This would be the last time I would be drinking with them as my wife, Baby C and I leave for magical Disney this week. After that...we insem so no more alcohol for me until at least 6-8 weeks postpartum. 

I must admit this trip did feel different from all the others. One because now I'm a mother and two because I had all these mixed emotions swirling around inside me surrounding the purpose of the trip. What it represented.... what was about to happen in my life and how this is indeed going to change me as a person. This journey is huge and I know that me as I know me will never be the same after this experience. I felt excited, super amped, happy...but a little sad, somber and internally teary at the same time. It was so weird. I did get over the latter feelings as the trip progressed but at least until we reached the Delaware Memorial Bridge...they were there and in full force. 

I learned 2 things while on this trip: 

1. I could actually never drink liquor again and be okay with it. Beer, wine and champagne all satisfy me so I'm good with the no liquor part. I mean, there is still a soft spot in my heart for my beloved Grand Marnier but I don't crave it anymore since giving up liquor back in May. Beer will no doubt be the hardest for me to give up. {insert the saddest face ever seen on the planet <---here---}

2. I do NOT miss the club scene! Sheesh! We decided to hit a few spots while in Philly just to experience the gay nightlife and I was literally standing there posted up with my beer in my hand, looking fly as ever, thinking, "I would really rather be home in bed in some warm comfy PJ's spooning my wife!" Well, not totally spooning...some other things too but you get my point. Watching all that azz grind to reggae made me feel some kinda way and miss my wife! ((swoons)) ....I'm looking at these people and shaking my head because the club scene is so wack now! Maybe it's because I'm married with no real desire to be there, maybe it's because I have a kid now...or maybe it's just because I've done all that stuff when I was younger. Needless to say, we went to the club just to go because we were in a new city but the scene don't change. I'm so thankful that's not my life anymore. I would be totally sad. A few chicks eye'd and attempted to get my attention -sidebar- {I realllllly think my wedding ring is a lady magnet}......but I just kindly kept it moving. 

Oh, and not to mention I was soooooooo sleeeeepy!! lol I'm not used to be alive and woke after 1am! I'm a mom so whatevaaaaaa! Unless it's for the brief moments my wife feeds Baby C in the middle of the night! But like, dressed, outside, in clothes, talking?!?! Hellll no! lol I was so ready to go back to the hotel and CRASH! Smh...

I'm ready for my last call moments with my wife while on vacation. The one where it's with the woman I love, over dinner...and great conversation. The last call moments with the woman who will be my rock and biggest support thru this process. Yes, I enjoyed the one with my friends but having that last sip of wine with my wife is just really something special to me. 

I'm not sure when I'll be blogging again. We have an appointment with the RE today. I may try to do a quick update about that visit before we leave for vacation but I'm not sure if I'll get the time. This is it ya'll....I've been counting down since May for this amazing journey and it's here. Please pray for me and my lil family as we dive head-first back into actively ttc for Baby #2. 

TTC: The Diet that Makes BOYS!! -or foolishness?

Today is CD9 and I will start testing with the smiley’s today with evening urine. I’m pretty sure nothing is happening in the lady regions today because there is little to no cervical fluid and my appetite is not ferocious. CD9 is really early in my cycle so no worries about missing ovulation.

24 days until we insem. TWENTY-FOUR DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We leave for Disney next week and I’m so damn excited! A week of just me and my two girls {My wife and Baby C}, fun, sun, white sand beaches, meeting up with great friends, tropical drinks, relaxation and the magic of Disney! How awesome is that!?

Now, the reason for this post. The Boy Diet. We realllllllllllly want a little boy this time. While we will be extremely grateful and thankful to God for simply another healthy child, our first preference this time is a boy. So, I’ve started searching the internet for “ways to conceive a boy” and I was really shocked at how many hits I got! Some saying they have tried it and had success and other's who say it’s a crock of bull. While I’m not putting too much stock in this I do feel like…what the hell…it’s worth a try! Lol Even if it is just for shyts and giggles. Have any of you tried this diet and it actually worked? Or did you try it and it was “a crock of bull?” lol

The crazy thing is my diet already mirrors the “boy diet.” Which is high potassium, coffee, salt, fish, red meat and low dairy, just to name a few. The only thing I would need to cut back on are the eggs. I can push down 4 eggs in one sitting, easily. Don’t judge me I’m a growing Boi. *smile* Mommy N’s diet mirrors the “girl diet” and we all know how that played out! #TeamGirl…Baby C! Her diet is basically stuff like unsalted butter, garlic, onions, little to no meat...etc. Coincidence? Not sure…but again, it’s worth a shot.

The recommendations I've read thus far say to start the diet one month before you TTC until you're pregnant. I mentioned it to our donor and he said, "Oh, I already eat LOTS of bananas and meat so I hope that helpsyou ladies get your boy!" This Guy....smh lol

While I'm excited and tickled about taking part in this little experiment I also know that the ultimate sex of our baby #2 will be determined by God. Period. If it works...a boy was supposed to be here anyway...If it doesn't...same logic applies. Either way...I'm blessed if this process results in a successful, healthy, non-eventful pregnancy. 

Two new items will be in our luggage for this Disney trip: Clear.Blue easy fertility monitor & the Clear.Blue easy smiley's. Holy crap! This is really about to happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RE Appointment for the pro.gestrone suppositories is 09-16th....

My Body Knows what its supposed to do......

Everything will work out, Trust God.......

My eggs are fine........

I'm not that old.........

TTC: I'm Out of Commission.

.

So, the only thing I never thought about was how I would handle my friends making plans to go on what we call "homboi rock off trips." Homeboi rock off's are once-a-year trips that are fun, crazy and usually in cities that offer an exciting gay scene. Atlanta, Houston, New York, Philly..........you get the point. We all pitch in planning every aspect of the trip. The hotel, who's gonna rent the car...the entertainment and everything. It's just our way to get away from all the hustle and grind of every day life and have fun with each other for a weekend. We are few but extremely close. I love them. 

But here's the thing.................my wife and I had a BBQ for the holiday and the topic of the next homeboi rock off trip came up. One nominated Sizzle (Miami), one nominated Houston....again......Chicago and some other places. For a quick moment I felt kinda sad. I wasn't very talkative in that conversation and my mind honestly drifted off. My thoughts? I can't make plans to go because I probably won't be able to go this year. I will be pregnant and out of commission for awhile. Yeah, I felt kinda sad. 

Only one of my Ace's knows that my wife and I are planning to start TTC #2 in a few weeks. But sometimes, I don't even think he totally gets it that I will be pregnant. Mainly because he still asks me, "Where should we go?" or.... he makes statements like, "We really need to plan a homeboi rock off!"...without any mention of, "Oh yeah, YOU'RE gonna be pregnant bytch!!" lol 

Oh, all of my Ace's are gay men. I only have one lesbian Ace and she's younger than I am. I haven't even told her yet. So while they are making plans I just sit there and nod and smile and act like I'm amped but I'm really thinking in my head how I won't be able to join them. It's not until little situations like that comes up that I realize I'm about to be pregnant!!

*Sighs* 

I'm extremely happy and excited about this journey. I pray I go on to have a happy & healthy pregnancy. I would also be a big fat liar if I didn't acknowledge that thinking about how my social interactions with my friends is gonna change for a while makes me kinda sad. Not sure why. Wellllll, I guess it's because I know things are going to change. The dynamic of how we deal, where we go, what I can do while I'm with them, if I'll even feel like going, if I'll be invited blah blah blah...it's all. gonna. change. At least for a while. I know things will bounce back after I have the baby. I can see that from my wife.....now that Baby C is almost 6 months....things are relatively back to our norm. 

Either way.......I'm okay with it all. I just needed to get this emotion out of my mind and into the Universe. Now I feel better. 

Kinda.

I've started spotting so CD1 will probably be tomorrow. 

All of the donor labs are back free and clear

Only one more period and we insem

TTC: Making a Rainbow Baby = Donor and Timing

Our donor has completed his medical workup. There are only 2 tests still pending & we should have them in a week. We won't need the sickle cell screening this time because we had him tested with Baby C {he's not a carrier} and neither am I.

Me: "OMG...5 weeks til "hell week!" Are you ready?! {hell week is what we call insemination week because he always complained about the preseed feeling like he was rubbing his man parts with razor blades. Ahahahahaaaa! He hated using preseed as lube but we wanted to make sure our little swimmers were not damaged by regular lube.}
Him: "Wow! I really hope it takes the first time and I hope ya'll get your boy!"

Can I tell ya'll I LOVE our donor. We made the best choice ever and it truly is such a relief! We've heard so many horror stories about known donors but ours is the BEST! Throughout the whole process with Baby C he was compliant and reliable. From hell week inseminations, to legal stuff with our second-parent adoption. We scheduled appointments, he was there. We needed something notarized, he was there. The whole process for us was stress free and smooth. I thank God for that. 

I have an appointment scheduled with the RE on September 16th. Not sure why I need to actually see her for the pro.gestrone prescription but I am secretly hoping she does an ultrasound that day just so I can see how my follies and eggs are doing. We leave for vacation the following week and then we insem so having an ultrasound done on that visit would be beneficial. If I start my cycle on the 3rd of September as predicted, the 16th will be CD13 and I would LOVE to see what's happening in the baby making region via ultrasound that far into my cycle. The last time we saw the RE was on July 3rd {CD10} and there was a 16mm on the left. The opk showed an extremely strong positive two days later on CD12 that month. So we shall see.......

Mommy N - She's just so tickled by the whole thing. I can tell she's getting excited and really looking forward to being on the other end of the syringe. lol I joke with her all the time that now we are pro's with insems and she's gonna knock me up the first time. She's so cute. I love her. I can't imagine going along this journey with anyone else. Thank GOD I didn't have kids with any of my ex's. *looks up at the sky - Thanks Big Guy! -winks-* 

She's such an amazing mom to Baby C and I'm so blessed to have her as my wife and my bestfriend. 

Baby C - I know I rarely speak about her in detail on this blog. Mainly because my wife has a blog and when she does blog -sarcasm font- (yes, that was shade lol) she covers Baby C news over there. I won't link her blog here because then my identity will be compromised. lol 

But yeah....Baby C is growing like a weed and my wife and I are confident that the timing is right to start TTC #2. We didn't want to take away from our daughter by adding the pressure of TTC another kid before now. We wanted to allow us time to be the mommies of ONE kid. TTC can take over your life, I'm sure some of you can relate to that....and we just wanted things to be calm and semi-back to normal before taking that journey again. Now we feel the timing is right and we are mentally and emotionally prepared to start. 

Today is CD18
My boobs are starting to get sore.
My cycle is expected in 6 days.
I have little to none cervical fluid.
One more period.....then we introduce sperm. 

TTC: It's Positive....really positive.

There are now 5 weeks until we inseminate. I tested from CD10 until this morning, CD16. The test were all negative on CD10, CD11, CD12 & CD13. However, on CD13 @ 11:30pm I tested and noticed while the test was negative it was in fact getting darker. Oh, and although it was negative {TMI Alert}....I had LOTS of ewcm. Great sign that something was gearing to happen. 

So.......

I had a VERY vivid dream the morning of CD14 that I was ovulating and my test was positive. I woke up...went to the bathroom and as I was testing and yelling into the bedroom telling my wife about the dream...I put a few drops on the test and before I could even get the whole dream/story out I saw the test line get extremely dark. I laughed. My test line was SO dark it almost looked black. Wowzers! 

I took the test in the bedroom so my wife could see it and she was like, "ohhhhh yeahhhh, let's insem today!!!" 

***TIRES SCREECH*** 

Girl BYE! I have FIVE more weeks of beer and wine drinking to do! 

Yes, I'm counting down and Yes...I'm drinking 40oz's...did I tell y'all I love beer? Oh well, yeah...I plan on spending quality time drinking my cold brews and even trying new beers! Yes, I love beer. Oh wait, I already said that. lol

-Sidebar- About us and vivid dreams....the month my wife got her BFP, we BOTH had dreams the test was positive before we tested. It was crazy because she even had a dream of how it was going to happen...with her peeing in the cup but ME actually doing the test. The month we got our BFP with Baby C, my wife pee'd in the specimen cup but came back to bed. I got up later to let the dog out...saw the urine sitting there in the bathroom and did the test. I yelled for her to come look because I thought I saw a line! She came running! Needless to say it was indeed a line and we have an amazing 5 month old now. 

Anywhoo.......I tested on CD15 @ 6:20am...still positive but not as dark as the day before (CD14). By this morning, CD16...it is negative. According to my app my cycle is expected to start in 8 more days...September 3rd. 

No word about the job as of yet so we are proceeding as planned.................if I receive any news I will be sure to update you all. Thanks again for all the encouraging words. It does help me maintain my sanity! 

TWW: Now I Wait..........

Well folks...while I was proof reading my last blog entry on Monday, the phone rang. And yep, you guessed it. A job interview. I applied for this position last month and had totally written it off. I went in for my interview on yesterday and now I wait. Waiting has never been my strong point. I have no clue how I did and I'm not going to drive myself crazy replaying my responses to those interview questions. I did the best I could and besides, I can't go back to change my answers now. 

Just when I was ready and geared up to start trying next month this comes my way. I just keep telling myself well, I did pray. And I did tell God I was only working with 8 weeks. So maybe this is it. Maybe He stepped in right on-time! Maybe it's meant for this door to open for me. Just maybe..........or maybe again, this isn't the path He has for me right now. Maybe I'm supposed to get pregnant and focus on that....and only that, void of external stress. *Le Sigh*

I'm just trying to keep myself busy and not dwell on it. Today I've thrown myself back into baby focus mode to keep my mind from obsessing over if/when my phone will ring about this job. I can't torture myself like that. What's meant to be will be. -sidebar- I feel like I'm blogging about the same ole' issue. lol Blah....But this is my journey and I know the exciting part is about to begin. Either at my new job or baby makin' for #2! 

Oh, we have a middle name for #2 if it's a boy. Mommy N and I decided this morning. lol That makes me excited and happy. So many of you out there are finding out you're having BOYS! How cool! Pleaseee send some of that blue baby dust MY way! lol 

Oh well, I'm in the TWW Job Hunters Edition. lol Ugh! TWW's suck!

Today is CD5 and I will start testing with the opk's on CD8... which is this Sunday. I've decided to test once a day at 2pm. I will test until CD14 this cycle. 

That's all for now. Please send me positive energy! I could really use it. I will update as soon as I hear...or don't hear something. 

It's Showtime, Baby! Password please....

 

 

Today is CD2

Next Period Expected: September 3rd, 2013

7 weeks til inseminations begin

------------------------------------------------------- 

 

This cycle will officially mark our "live" ovulation tracking. Up until now I have been using the dollar store cheapies to track my ovulation. Now, don't sleep on the dollar store opk's because they have been extremely accurate! In fact, when my wife got pregnant with Baby C we used the dollar store pregnancy test and the expensive ones but the dollar store test worked better! We STILL have our BFP test and it's STILL very dark and positive, mind you....Baby C will be 5 months old next week! So, needless to say I am a dollar store believer when it comes to baby making related stuff.

 

But.......now that we are actively tracking to gear up for inseminations I want to up the bar with the digital smiley opk's.  I was going to switch to the "Advance" digital opk's but the reviews were kinda mixed and not as solid as the original ones. I don't have time for the new and improved games that have glitches still yet to be worked out. No Ma'am! These things cost way too much for that! I will be ordering them from Amaz.on and hopefully we can get at least 3 cycles worth from one box. Prayerfully we won't need all three but three is a good zone to place myself in mentally. Honestly, I'm mentally prepared for 6 months of TTC before I totally start thinking my dinosour eggs have hatched and went to college! 

 

This is surreal.

 

The donor is all set for his medical work-up. I've contacted my health insurance and they will cover the Mater.niT21 at 100%. I will contact my RE before we leave for Disney in September to either come in to see her or for her to call in my prescription for the progester.one suppositories. Mommy N and I have decided we want to use them from the start. We honestly think that made the difference when we conceived Baby C. They are a messy pain in the azz and totally interfere with spontaneous sexcapades but...we know they helped sustain my wife's healthy pregnancy. The RE is on-board as per our last visit so she may just call in a prescription without seeing me.

 

 

*****Important****** When we go live with our inseminations I will be password protecting some of the blog entries to keep you all updated regarding test results etc. When that time comes the only way you will be kept in the loop is via the password. If you wanna stay connected just shoot me an email once you start seeing the protected posts and I will gladly give it to you.

 

7 weeks ya'll. SEVEN WEEKS til we start for Baby #2! OMG!

 

So many wonderful things are happening for my wife and I. Both as a married couple and for us as individuals. It's such a blessing. We take none of it for granted.

 

 

I'm still scared shytless. #Tho.

"Okay God....We are down to 8 weeks now, wassup?!"

Today I've decided to totally submerge myself spiritually as I prepare for the journey I'm about to take. The focus...my spirituality & prayer life. I'm one who believes that before making major decisions you must first spend some quality time focusing on God, His Will and your spiritual relationship with him. Now, while I know that some of my blog followers do not accept or believe in what I believe in, which is Jesus....this is my space to document MY journey and I won't be offended if you opt to exit this post. Because that is exactly what this post will be about. My faith.

Now, for all of your who have decided to read on, thank you. Thank you for understanding that sometimes as bloggers our entries just need to be raw, transparent and without caring what the reader may think or feel. This is therapy in a sense for many of us and this is a safe space to be who we are as individuals outside of the TTC stuff.

Back to the purpose for this post. I've been struggling folks. Well, not really struggling because I do feel at peace about it but I would be a liar if I said I don't still have my moments where I'm like, "Okay God...there are now exactly 8 weeks until we inseminate so if you're gonna open a door for a new job for me NOW is the time to do it!" Mommy N and I agreed that if nothing comes thru for me on the job front....we will insem as planned the last week in September beginning of October. Some days I don't even log on the job search website. Other days I'm filling out like 3-4 applications like a determined unemployed person that needs to find a job asap! Mind you...I do this AT work. Smh

I guess it's weird. I pray that God gives me the strength to deal. With it all. The pregnancy, the job stuff, the journey...it ALL! This is one of those times where I really have to surrender it all. I have to let go of trying to figure things out, make things make sense, be in control of everything, understand everything....in order to maintain my sanity, I've got to.

Now, what I do know is that time tells all. Either I will be on a new job come next month or I will be allowing my wife to insert sperm. Either way...I'm okay with it because I will know that THAT is the path I am supposed to be on...at that time. I find peace that God already knows what the outcome will be and has worked it all out in my favor. I just have to walk along the path of my life and be okay...........

I did apply for a few more jobs so we shall see what happens. If nothing comes thru, I will officially be in the September-October TTC club. Wowzers!!!!!!!

Genetic Testing. Terminations And Such.

Thank God for this blog. This may be one of my more controversial entries. So, you've been warned. 

Here I am, 9 weeks away from our first insemination and I started doing research. Well, let's face it, being AMA (Advance Maternal Age) has the potential to bring issues. I'm not negating the fact. While I don't buy into "across the board" stats...I am one to do my homework and I'm kind of a research nerd. This can be a blessing and a curse. 

With that being said, I stumbled across a forum, while researching the MaterniT21 genetic screening, and some of the ladies on there were either contemplating or had already opted to terminate their pregnancy because of genetic testing/screening (yes, there is a difference) results. It was like the train-wreck I had to watch. Bad Move. 

Then....I check my blog roll and one of the wonderful ladies who I stalk on the regular received news today that based on SST screening, her baby has a 1:15 chance of having downs. She's currently 16 weeks. Fcuk!

As I watch things unfold from the outside looking in I see so many sides to this issue. You have some who take the position, "It's my kid so regardless of the results It won't make a difference in terms of me keeping my baby!" Then I see the, "If it's a diagnosis we can't deal with as a family we will opt to terminate." And then...I see those people who currently have kids with downs who get angry when people say things like, "normal kids" or "so happy my results came back that my baby is normal/fine." 

 

This gives me so much to digest. All at once. It's like, I try to see where everyone is coming from and then without judgment attempt to understand. Even if I don't agree. I attempt to understand. Even at the end of the dialogue....I still don't. I think it's really wack to not at least try to see life from a different lens. No matter how different the view may be. 

What I read today in that forum really has me thinking. Thinking how small my world is in terms of the decisions some people have to make. How heavy life and decisions can be at times. It makes me feel sheltered in a sense. Thankful...but sheltered. I can't imagine being in those shoes. I can't imagine being in the shoes of judgment either. I wouldn't want to. I pray I don't. 

So, what's the plan for my family? Because of my age (36 soon to be 37) I plan on getting the NT scan, the MaterniT21, 2nd trimester screenings and any available non-invasive blood work. The only way I will opt for the amnio is IF there is a damn good reason why I need it. 

Will the results in the early screenings determine how I proceed? I don't know. Would I terminate if the results were grim? I don't know. Am I getting the testing done to make a decision one way or the other? I don't know. My Point...I'm a firm believer that until you are presented with circumstances.... with a real life decision to make....you don't really know how you will respond or what your strengths/weakness will be. You can assume based on your current situation or based on what you think you will do but in my opinion you just never know until you are sitting in those shoes, hearing that news and then forced to decided. I can tell you how I think I would respond if placed in that situation but that could very well change. I respect those individuals on every side of the issue. 

Life is crazy man. I never knew some of these things even existed until starting on this ttc journey. Sometimes I wish I didn't know some of the things I do know about what could go wrong....Fcuk. Again.