25 Weeks & Feeling Every Second Of It

We've reached viability!!! I'm 25 weeks today & I'm so thankful to be here. I do not take this amazing milestone for granted.

 

{Here's where I get transparent for a second}

 

I must admit, I'm slowing down. A lot. I feel very pregnant and it's really real now. My hips hurt. I now have to wear medical scrubs and a polo shirt to work because none of my clothes fit anymore, well my work clothes don't. I have a waddle. My face is filling out. My stomach is in my throat most days & it causes me extreme discomfort. I sometimes feel like my fatigue is coming back just a little. I can't help out at home or at work like I really want to because I get winded so easy and I don't want to put the baby in harms way by doing too much. It's harder to pick my daughter up now...I hate picking stuff up off the floor that I've dropped {it just takes so much effort}....I just feel BIGGER and SLOWER.

All while, when I tell people how far along I am, I get the...."Oh just WAIT, you ain't seen nothin' yet! You're gonna blow up and it's gonna get worse!"

 

SHUT THE F*^% UP!!!!!!!!!!! {Is what I want to say but instead I just smile and shake my head}

 

As a pregnant not-so-femme woman, being pregnant makes me feel vulnerable. It makes me feel like I'm delicate & fragile. I'm not used to feeling like this. I'm not used to LOOKING like this. I mean, I knew I would change, my body would morph....but I don't think you're ever really prepared for just how much you do change in so many ways. Sometimes I feel like crying when I think about just how different I am right now. Other days I'm not phased at all by it.

 

But............. I have to say, I would do it all over again to be exactly where I am. Pains & all. Fatness & all. I would do it again in a heartbeat for us to complete our family. Even with the discomfort and temporary pains {and it really is temporary}, I have an amazing wife who rubs my tired feet & takes awesome care of me, a baby growing inside of me who is healthy and very active, a great job where I can take it easy & take the day off if need be, a wonderful family support system who are so thrilled & excited about this little boy, friends who are just blessings all around to me and my family, a 1 year old precious daughter who gives me crazy kisses and is the joy of my life!! I can't complain with the many blessings surrounding me right now. I can be honest about how I'm feeling on a daily basis but I really can't complain. I'm blessed.

 

With each passing day...with each passing week...I don't for one second take for granted that this little boy is still safe & secure in my womb. I would deal with any amount of discomfort to keep HIM inside and safe. Period. As my wife often says, my only charge right now is to "bake this baby." Weight gain, pains, limited wardrobe etc....it's all for the greater good, our son.

My next goal is 28 weeks. The 3rd trimester.

 

Meditation

 

This journey is not a race.

Surrender the desire to want to control the path & final destination.

Just do what you can...& stay healthy.

 

 

 

 

23 weeks! Saying Bye-Bye to my "Pleasure Harness" & Car Accidents!

 

 

23 Weeks Baby!

 

So, I'm coming up on a major milestone in this pregnancy....viability! Thank GOD! In a few days...at 24 weeks, if something were to happen at least they would try to save my son. For that I am thankful. Keep on cookin' Baby N! I'm still feeling really good and just continuing to take it easy. The baby is more active these days and that gives me so much peace and reassurance.

 

The Accident

 

2 weeks ago a distracted drive slammed into the rear of my car, well my wife's car. I was stopped in traffic and I saw her speeding towards me. There was no place I could go so I just braced myself for the impact. Without going into too much detail, it landed me in labor & delivery at 22 weeks. I was scared. I was pissed & angry at her for being so careless. BUT...I put my feelings aside to focus on my son. That's all I cared about. It was a very scary experience but Baby Boy N and I checked out just fine. Oh, and I'm suing her azz!

 

 

(Disclaimer - This may be the most personal/raw entry to date so you've been warned lol}

 

My Pleasure Harness   ;-(

 

Well folks, I've reached that point. That point where I have to share things in my blog that I would probably only share with my Ace's. I have to be true to this blog & that means sharing experiences from the perspective of the not-so-femme pregnant lesbian.

 

My harness. The pleasure stick. My Manzzzzz! The shyt don't fit anymore! *insert dramatic sigh* #BLOWN! I tried to strap up the other night and when I went to put it on.... my stomach and waist said, "Helllllllll no!" #BLOWN...again.

I mean, I knew it would happen eventually but I guess you are just never prepared for your joint NOT to fit. Come on mannn....It just fit like a week ago!!! So there I was unable to strap up...which means I had nothing to attach my clit suction device to...which means I had to go at it old school = the good ole manual dildo penetration = hella arm work!

Fcuk.

 

BUT......the bright side to all this is.....because I'm so genius and fortunately pretty damn good with the manual stroke {lol}... we had probably one of the BEST sexual episodes since I've been preggers. It was one of those, light a candle, sip a little wine {yes I had a few sips and yes it's okay}, turn on some ebony p-o-r-n, turn on that mood music and crash afterwards episode! Yes, it was that good.

So...to all my not-so-femme lesbians thinking about carrying or those in the process of ttc...all hope is not lost. It will take more work but it's worth it! Damn is it worth it. You just gotta tap into your ole-school manual stroke skills. Ha!

 

With that, I've packed my harness away and said good-bye....for now at least. But I'm kinda turned on by the "new stuff" we tapped into that night so who knows, that may become part of our episodes even after I have the baby. lol

 

I have my 24 week check-up next Thursday so I'm sure the dreaded glucose test is in my near future. My next goal is 28 weeks! Come onnn 3rd Trimester!!

 

That's all for now.......thanks for following my small piece of Blogworld.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Update: Anatomy Scan - Spine Views. I've reached 22 weeks!!!!!

Our Little "Thinker!"

 

 

--Hand under chin thinking about how super it's gonna be to have two mommies! ;-)

 

On Friday Feb. 7th, 2014 my wife & I went in for the much anticipated anatomy scan. I was hella nervous. I mean, THIS is the biggie. The scan where things not caught on earlier prenatal imaging & genetic testing can be detected. Before heading into the imaging center we just said a little prayer for our son. That's really all you can do.

 

Baby Boy "N" was rolled up into a complete ball! BUT with his legs crossed. At a certain point the tech told me to get up and move around in hopes to get him to stretch out a bit. Needless to say I did jumping-jacks, fake yoga etc in an attempt to get him to cooperate. Nadda! I'm so glad we weren't banking on the anatomy scan to find out the sex because we would have been disappointed. lol She did see "the money shot" at some point but it was for a quick few seconds. lol I was more concerned with his health. I prayed everything would be okay with him in terms of his organs, heart & overall health. That's all I really cared about forreal.

 

With the exception of his complete spine shots she did manage to get all the pictures & measurements she needed {Thank God}. So, we had to go back on Tuesday 02-27 for follow-up scans of his spine. Due to his position the first time the tech was unable to get all the structures of the spine she needed. The tech we had Tuesday seemed more seasoned and she was thorough! The follow-up appointment took longer than I expected. I consumed a bag of skittles and some sweet tea and praaaayed this little boy would cooperate! Laying sooo flat, WITH a full bladder, WITH aching HIPS, WITH her probing was painful! But...in the end she did manage to get every image she needed and afterwards congratulated us on our baby. Whewww! Thank God...again! It was wonderful to get another look at Sprouty! I could actually feel his kicks this time as she was scanning...it was kinda cool. He is measuring TWO WEEKS AHEAD! Yikes! I had the first scan full anatomy scan done at 19 weeks 1 day and he was measuring at 21 weeks! She didn't do dating measurments this time..she only focused on his spine, my fluid levels and my cervical length.

 

 

Here are some other cool pics of our little Sir:

 

 

FEET! lol

Halloween Frontal View! Boooooooo

Super Serious...Leave me alone Profile. lol

 

While my belly isn't that big yet....{At least I don't think so...lol} I feel so blessed to have made it to 22 weeks. I mean 22 weeks!!!!!!!!!!!!!! God is so GREAT! I do have to mention that I feel like I'm starting to slow down a bit. I take a little longer to do things I used to fly thru. It's an adjustment. My wife always tells me how great I'm doing...to be 6 months. -sidebar- The 6 months thingy depends on what calculation you use. lol Somedays I do feel like I'm doing well...other days I just take a deep sigh and say, "Lord give me STRENGTH!" lol We went thru all of Baby C's clothes and picked out all the gender neutral items for Sprouty. We have a nice little stash of sleepers, onesies, socks, bibs & equipment. My wife has also made a few cloth diapers for him too. YAY! We plan on doing our Babyshower registry in about 2 weeks. I want to wait until I'm 24 weeks to do that.

 

Update: My wife felt Baby N kick for the first time the morning I turned 21 weeks. It was so awesome for her to finally get to experience him from the outside. I think it becomes more real to everyone once you start feeling those kicks. I feel him all the time now and it does ease my mind. Some of his kicks are really low. Ouch! I don't think he likes when I prop up on my back or lay on my back...he kicks like crazy until I change positions. lol I just pray over my belly and tell him to stay PUT at least until the end of June.

 

That's all for now. I hope everyone is doing well & I'm still praying for those BFP's!

 

Meditation

 

God knows the end...just focus on being healthy.

Don't let worry steal your joy. Instead, Pray.

Don't get so caught up in the end result that you lose sight of the daily journey.

Raising a SON in Baltimore....The City That Bleeds.

 

(This will not be my usual blog entry...I just need to write down my thoughts)

So, last night while watching the local news something internally registered that shook me up a bit. I mean, it hit me all of a sudden that once this baby comes out, he will be a male raised in one of the most dangerous cities in the U.S.

Once he is released from my safe & secure womb he will be born in a city where young black males are killing each other daily. This is a scary thought. I not only have to protect him from the obvious pitfalls of being a kid growing up during this crazy time BUT I have to also be mindful that young black men account for most of our prison population, they are killing each other over their pride, they don't know how to deal with conflict in a healthy way & they are also the targets for stereotyping, hate crimes and many other ills.

 

Now, announcing... "It's A BOY" takes on a whole different meaning to me. I feel like our charge to raise young black men is something that goes far beyond the blue onesies and toy trucks. It's real!

 

So that leaves me to ponder: I was listening to the DL Hughley show and he uttered, "Your focus as a parent should be to protect your children at any and all costs." I agree. So, knowing that I live in a city where the odds are already stacked against my son does that give me the charge to move someplace where senseless violence isn't as prevalent? That "as" is so subjective. But crime happens everywhere, right? Is considering moving to the South (Atlanta, GA) opening up a whole new can of worry in terms of now having to protect my son from racist idiots & homophobic bigots? It's crazy man.....

 

I just want to give my kids the best life I can and protect them as best I can. I know shyt is gonna happen but I just want to minimize it. That may sound delusional but it's my truth. My wife stays home with our daughter. When our son is born he will follow....I just keep thinking about life after I give birth and everything has gone back to our normal. Once I no longer have this protruding belly and I'm back to my fitted-shirts, swim-trunks, wife-beaters & baseball caps.... internally I will feel like "me" again.

 

-Sidebar- No, I don't feel like "me" anymore on the inside or the outside because I'm not. This is new for me and with each week that goes by I have to re-adjust to a new me as the baby inside me grows. I'm a pregnant "not-so-femme" female. This has been a real adjustment for me.

...Wanna know how I know?

Because I went to my first women's college basketball game a few weeks ago and I felt self-conscious having a belly. I'm used to running up those College Park Rocky steps in my Ralph Lauren boots, loose fitted jeans, military style jacket & my baseball cap. But this time I had on the only real pair of black slacks that fit my belly comfortably, a sweater (with the belly protruding) and I was HELLA WINDED by the time I reached the top of those damn steps! Smh lol I felt kinda out of place. Especially since my female bestfriend was all "dommed out" makin' me feel like a preggo Beeioytch! lol

 

That's all I can do is laugh at this point. It's been a journey so far but I know I need to document it every step of the way & I wouldn't change it for the world. I also know after this experience I will never be the same. Something about carrying a child changes you and I already feel it. I'm thankful for this experience. But I'm also curious to see who I will become once I've given birth to a real life HUMAN.

 

Back on Topic:

So, I guess having a boy is really starting to sink-in mentally & emotionally for me. Will we end up moving? Will private schools be our only option? Will we raise sheltered kids that know nothing of what goes on in the city? ---We do live far enough from the main crust of the city where I can make that happen dammit! <Humor> In this day and age is minimizing the stuff your kids are exposed to with technology, other parents NOT parenting, youtub.e and social media even possible?! Just things I think about. I guess all we can do is pray. In the end that's all you really can do; Pray for them & cover them.

Gender Reveal *LOTS of pictures* IT'S A ...........!!!!

 

 

 

 

(This will be a picture heavy Post so I hope you enjoy!)........ 

 

 IT'S A BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

I'm so excited and thankful! We are blessed to finally have a SON! As you all know, I've said from the very beginning that I felt this was a little boy. While I was unsure at times based on some of my cravings (oranges) I just kinda internally knew this was a boy. My wife & I are just so thankful and excited about welcoming our little Prince into the family. We know just how blessed we are to have one of each. This is a picture from our elective gender ultrasound.

 

For those of you who have followed my blog...the u/s did in fact MATCH the results of the Maternit21 genetics test done at 11 weeks 1 day. lol So my results were indeed accurate. I'm still happy we decided to have the u/s anyway..........

 

-SideBar- My aunt thought the HUGE looking leg was his "weeter." lol MA'AM!!!!!............Needless to say I told her his "weeter" is actually the little thingy underneath with the word "boy" under it. lol Forgive her ya'll she hasn't seen an ultrasound in moons so she gets a pass. Smh

 

 

 

So, in July we will welcome Baby Boy "N" and our family will be complete. Four will indeed complete our set. We love him so much already and can't wait to meet him. Here are a few other pics from the elective gender scan we had 3 days before the party.....

 

 

Baby Boy "N" (Formerly known as Sprouty) with the cord hanging on the side of his face and his legs up.

 

 

Sprouty with his hand covering his face......Awwwww! lol

Now for our Gender Reveal Party!

 

We cut up two bags of confetti..one pink & one blue. We sent both bags along with a sealed envelop that contained the genetics test results (which indicated the sex of the baby) and the potty shot from the elective ultrasound. We instructed the "balloon lady" (Ms. Liz) at Party City to open the envelope and fill our balloon with the confetti that matched the sex.... and to throw the other bag away. I could tell she was excited. She told me that her sister had recently did a gender reveal via youtub.e for their family.

Confetti & Gender Reveal Balloons! (Sorry this is so grainy) My wife and I each had pins in our hands ready to POP the all black balloon which contained the confetti. My wife is actually holding Baby C in her arms and I'm on the other side in the black sweater and white shirt. Again...sorry this pic is so blurry. It was taken from a screen shot of a video. But at least you get the visual....

 

 

 

"He or She...What Will It BEE!?" We used the chalkboard from our daycare room and put this decorative poster on it. We simply cut out polka-dot paper squares & little bees, attached some ribbon and 'BOOM' Cool Gender Reveal sign.

Then, at our home, in front of about 40+ family members and close friends we shared our very special moment after dinner. We POPPED the ballon & the floor was covered with BLUE confetti!!!!!! Everyone began to scream and cheer SO LOUDLY I could hear my ears ringing! Needless to say, I LOST it! I started jumping up & down and crying with my hands covering my face!!

In that moment, I was positive of one thing, God really does give us the desires of our hearts when it is according to His Will. In that moment, I felt like I had given my wife something that no one else ever could, a son. In that moment, I felt joy, love and full of gratitude. I am making my daughter a big sister! I will be blessed to raise a daughter and a son. I'm just so thankful.............

 

Here are a few other pictures from our reveal.

 

 My wife made these AHMAZING Cupcakes (from scratch) with cream cheese icing. They were EVERYTHING! Damn I married well! ;-)
We cut out little circles from poster board and glued little "bees" on them as our cupcake accents. Thanks to Pinterest, we were able to make all of our decorations! It came together really nicely I think. I know my wife was impressed with my crafting skilllzzz! Ha!

 

<----We made these little bags & filled them with Life Saver mints for our guests. They each read, "What Will It Bee?" & "Thank you?"

 

<--------We also made this little center-piece (which is actually a picture holder)...it listed my symptoms, cravings & a picture of Baby Boy N. It was really kinda cool how it all came together with such little money spent on the decorations. We just used our creative minds & put our crafting to work! It's funny because I hardly had any real symptoms per se. So, I think once we started looking at the stmptoms & "old wives tales" - How I was carying, low....no morning sickness, good mood, dreams and chinese lunar chart...I think we all kinda knew it would be a boy.

 

                                            

 

 

 

This picture is the recap. As you can see we had a blast! I'm so thankful we didn't find out sprouty's se.x until the party. There were a couple of "close calls" where the beans were almost spilled before our party but I'm so glad everything turned out perfect!

 

In the end #TEAMBOY came out victorious. I think only 3-4 people pegged me to be carrying a girl. EVERYONE at the party was #TEAMBOY except 2 oddballs. Teeeheee.

 

About Me Update:

 

 I started feeling Sprouty move around at 17 weeks 3 days and I'm feeling him more now. No real kicks, just rolling & flutters. That was exactly THREE days after my post about "movement." lol....I also started to suffer from extreme nasal congestion at 18 weeks 3 days and it lasted for about 3 days. Come to find out I had rhinitis of pregnancy, which is common, and I was miserable! One of my wonderful FCL group members told me about a product that was literally a miracle! I was so thankful to be able to breathe thru my nose again, I actually told her, " I LOVE YOU!" Hahahaha! I was SUFFERING ya'll! I'm so appreciative when folks share valuable information so I feel I MUST do the same for someone else.....So if you're reading this and you're also suffering from unbearable congestion due to pregnancy hormones...go get some Vicks 'Sinex' 12 hour decongestant ultra fine mist! You will be so glad you did!!!  It saved me and I could finally breathe thru my nose and SLEEP again!

 

We go in for my anatomy scan tomorrow...I will be 19 weeks 1 day. I cannot wait!! My wife & I are just so excited to see him again! So, I would really appreciate LOTS of prayers, love, light & positive energy for our little guy that he passes with flying colors.

 

Thanks so much for following my journey thus far. It does mean a lot.

 

Be Peace.



17 weeks 0 days! Bump Shot. Baby PLEASE Move!

 

17 weeks today! Yiippeeeee! While some days time seems to be speeding by...other days, not so much. I'm doing well and just taking it one day at a time. My new craving is A-1 steak sauce! I wanna smother everything in it! Yummaaay!

I went in for my 16 week check-up last week. It went well but hearing Sprouty's heartbeat is all I really care about during those quick monthly appointments. It seems SO long between appointments and I just need to know that he/she is alright in there! Which leads me to movement.

 

I WANNA feel the baby move!!!! It's driving me crazy. My wife felt Baby C around the 14-15 week mark. I read of others feeling movement that soon as well...but here I am SEVENTEEN weeks and nadda! Zilch. Well, at 13 weeks 4 days I thought I might have felt the baby but I'm not sure. I guess it's like the old sayings go, "A watched pot never boils" & "A watched phone never rings." lol

 

Oh, funny story: So, I go in for my appointment last week and my OB walks in the room all chipper and happy. She asks me if I have any questions but before I can answer she says, "Oh and you need to schedule your anatomy scan within the next two weeks." My reply to her was: "yeah I'm going to BUT I don't want to know the sex of the baby yet!" With a shocked look on her face she shouts, "OH NO, WELL WHY DO I KNOW??! I don't want to know if you don't! Let me scratch this off of your chart! I'm so glad I didn't come in here blabbing the results!!"

I then {{{GASP}}} lol

 

So apparently the genetics center sent her the results of my Maternit21 test and that included the gender portion. She documented the sex of the baby in the sleeve of my chart. lol I'm SOOO thankful she didn't tell me. While I'm dying to know...I would have been devastated and crushed to find out like that, before our big reveal party.

 

We have an appointment for the anatomy scan on 02-07 and we also have an appointment for a quick gender ultrasound on the 29th of this month. However, I'm not sure if I'm gonna keep this appointment. The only reason I even scheduled it was to "verify" the Maternit21 gender results and to make sure they match. It's probably a waste of money {$75 bucks for 10-15mins) since the MT21 is genetic but you know how it is when you just have to be sure............Did any of you do both genetics and u/s? I still have some time to cancel. But I havent.....yet. *sighs*

 

Anywhoo.....here is the 17 weeks bump shot! Almost to 20 weeks. Whoohoooooo!

 

 

 

 

Meditations:

 

Stop saying if and start saying when....

Although you don't know what's going on on your womb...GOD does!

Embrace & enjoy the journey. All of it! Not just the "good" parts.

Every woman's journey is different. Trust that this is the one specifically crafted for YOU.

15 Weeks 0 Days! Gender Reveal Party!

As of today I am 15 weeks exactly! Wow. I really cannot believe it. I'm still doing very well and just so thankful. I'm starting to look obviously pregnant and embracing every moment of it. The one thing I'm happy about as well is my face isn't "looking" pregnant. lol Vain I know but....the "pregnant nose" was something I teased folks about. lol You know the red pregnant nose....it's the look where people don't have to see anything below your neck to know you're expecting! Hahahaha....I can laugh because my wife had it. I know I'm speaking too soon but if I do get it....I will indeed laugh at myself!

 

Oh, I'm thankful for a close friend who I can run to when I'm having concerns about my expanding plumping body. She has gone thru the whole pregnancy experience as a "far from femme" mom and has helped me a great deal. My latest issue is my boxers. They are getting really uncomfortable around the lower portion of my stomach. I asked her what my next step was a she gave me a few suggestions. Even sent me a pic of some from her personal collection lol....I'm finding that there are certain aspects of me being pregnant that my wife won't understand, fully. I mean we are both women...but mentally, emotionally & physically I'm experiencing pregnancy from a different lens. So, it's nice to have an outside resource that understands first hand. Thanks T!

 

We have set the date for our big gender reveal party! {For those of you who want to get technical se.x reveal party. Yes, I know they are not the same. No, we won't be calling our party a baby se.x reveal. Yes, gender reveal just sounds better and less perverted.}

It's scheduled for Feb. 1st! I will be 18 weeks 2days!!! We've decided to do the balloon pop since we did the cake with Baby C. I'm actually starting to look forward to knowing if Sprouty is a Boy or a Girl. I guess since I'm getting bigger and I know the baby can now hear sounds.....It would just be nice to start calling him or her by their name. Oh, and maybe buying a few things. I'm also excited about sharing this moment with our family and friends. We have a strict NO GIFT policy. We just want folks to come eat & enjoy this precious time.

 

 

How Far Along? 15 weeks today! Yippee!

Total Weight Gain: I got on the scale this morning and I was up another 2lbs. It's all good tho. 

Maternity Clothes: Nope. I need to get a few more pairs of pants for work but I'm just buying the next size up.

Symptoms: Still no morning sickness. My energy is coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank GOD!

Stretch Marks: No more than I already had on my stomach.

Belly Button In/Out: Nothing yet. Still in.

Sleep: Great and all the time.

Best Moment Last Week: Thinking that I might have felt Sprouty move. The jury is still out on that one.

What I Miss: Being active. Beer. 

What I’m looking forward to: Feeling Sprouty move without a doubt. Our next ultrasound. Our gender reveal party.

Food Cravings: Salads, pineapples, apple sauce and oranges! Especially oranges! Salads make the belly soooo happy.

Food Aversions: I'm still cautious about eggs but I don't really have any aversions at this point. 

Gender: Team Green……for now……can’t wait to find out! I've said this from the moment I found out I was pregnant....I think this is a BOY!

Movement: None ;-(

My Concerns or Questions: None at the moment. Just the usual "is my baby okay and how can I KEEP her/him okay" stuff.

Goals for the week: NOT stress over feeling Sprouty move. 

 

Meditation:

 

It's okay to be excited. You should be.

God knows how this will all end...trust His process.

Let worry NOT be your first reaction/response. Instead, pray.

God has heard your prayers & does grant the desires of our heart.